EP 19 | Brenda & Nancz call BS on the Programming Thoughts

In Episode 19 of Deep Divin', we’re calling major BS on all that subconscious programming. You know, those thoughts that pop up out of nowhere and make you question everything? Well, this week, Nancz is digging into who’s really behind that voice in her head—is it actually her? Or just a remix of old programming?

Brenda steps in to help Nancz go even deeper, helping her pull back the curtain on the “thought DJ” in her mind. We talk about the importance of loving yourself and showing yourself some serious grace on the journey. Look, we’ve been listening to that inner noise our whole lives, so if you feel like you’re slipping back into old patterns, remember to chill out and give yourself some space. It’s all part of the process!

If you're vibing with this episode and want to explore reprogramming those pesky thoughts yourself, hit up Brenda for subconscious reprogramming sessions. And don’t forget to check out our Instagram and YouTube channel for more real talk, behind-the-scenes laughs, and all the feels.

Keywords: Subconscious Reprogramming, Self-Love, Inner Voice, Breaking Old Patterns, Healing Journey, Mindset Shift, Self-Awareness, Emotional Growth, Self-Grace

Hashtags: #BreakTheProgramming #InnerVoiceCheck #LatinaHealing #SubconsciousMind #SelfAwareness #MindsetShift #LatinaPodcast #ReprogramYourMind #GiveYourselfGrace

Transcript

EP 19 | Brenda & Nancz call BS on the Programming Thoughts

 Hey guys, welcome to the Deep Dive In podcast with Nancy and Brenda. Hey we're back baby! Ooh, I can't believe it's so dumb. Guys. Oh my God. We had recorded technical difficulties over here, but we had recorded the recorded a very great episode that we know like yesterday to bring out today. Yeah. November 5th, talking about relationships and our relationship, our relationship and how it started. And it was such a good episode. Yeah. For whatever reason, like life didn't want it to come out. And here we are literally recording on this day, um, November 5th, Tuesday, essentially when we bring out our new episodes. And I feel like, like whenever I get into a podcast mode and whenever I get into, like talking about something that we previously, you know, talked that we agreed on to the topic that we agreed on, essentially, I let it out. I get out at that moment and then like, that's it. Like, I can't like, that's it. I let it out and there's no talking about it anymore. No. So we couldn't even recreate. So, um. The conversation that we had. So hopefully in the near future or, you know, whatever. Like we'll just go over, um, or maybe something in life will reach will bring us back to that conversation one day. Yeah. Yeah. But no, like, I, I hope this is recorded. Oh, God. No, I don't know. Um. Or. I'm not certain. I guess I thought I was, but but no, I, I, I think we there's a lot, um, I feel is going on with, with me personally in in how, how I'm feeling with just like wanting to follow a path. Right. That we've been discussing in our whole podcast episodes and your spiritual your journey. Yeah. Essentially your spiritual journey or your journey in life, really. It doesn't necessarily have to be spiritual, but really like what you're called right to follow in life. Yeah. And I feel like there's been a lot coming up for me. And we had a conversation earlier today. Kind of how like I had this crazy dream and it was just like it threw me off. It threw me off completely. Um, but it was kind of like a prophecy of, like what happened to, like, something that I found out. Yeah. Um, in real life. In real life. And then we had a conversation about it and how, you know, I'm how you believe that there's more to my ability. Yeah, that I lead myself to believe I have a strong feeling. Yeah. About it. And and can you what exactly is is what you feel? Well, I feel like you I and how I said earlier that you have this ability to be able to tap into other like, dimensions or just realities, other realities energetically. And I feel that you have that ability. I also, uh, I, I consider it kind of like. Having visions or like, you know, kind of prophecy. Yeah. When you have these dreams. And then today was, I think, the first time it happened to you where you had a dream. And then something happened in real life. And the dream was true. Right. And and I think that you have that for the longest time I've believed that you have this ability. And it's just I don't even know how to explain it on this. Yeah, but just just like from from what I feel and through, like, the observations I make of you, uh, in your day to day life, I sense that you have something powerful there. And I'll obviously hand this back to you, but, like, you feel that it's very difficult for you to kind of, like, lean into those gifts. Right? Can you share why? Yeah. So I believe that those gifts like having those abilities of, uh, channeling and like, even, um, doing that as well and like connecting to different, you know, spirit guides as well. Mhm. It's funny because as I'm saying this, I literally in the back of my mind is like, oh, it's tough to write because that's how I grew up with it. Having, having that embedded in me so hard. Yeah. Makes me believe like that. It's true. It is true. Yeah. Yeah. Because I kind of feel like town. Like, why? Why did I grow up in an environment where I, first of all was talked about witchcraft, right. With rich craft or whatever it was talked about like it was a big topic. Yeah. Of of conversation throughout my childhood, you know, like, oh my is my uncle. There was talk of. My aunts and uncles or my family members going to get like Olympia and going to like brewhouse and getting, you know, cleansed. So for the most part, it was like in a negative way. Yeah, because because it was always like somebody put something bad on someone. So it was like black magic and put on someone. And then the stories were always around the negative perspective on witchcraft and brouhaha. Mhm. And I feel like now in my journey or now like learning and, and learning a lot more about the spiritual realm and learning a lot more about like ancestors, for example, learning a lot more or your connection with God, with source, with the universe, whatever you want to call it. Um, there's more to it than just like, you know, and all of that, right? But yeah, like, I grew up with a very heavy, um, perspective of it being negative. Yeah. And I feel because of that, I it, it kind of I feel that's been one of the reasons or one of the things that I have to work through for myself to let go of those beliefs because they're not my beliefs. No, they're my family's belief. Like their perspective, other people's perspective of whatever they went through. Yeah, and they're not mine because I didn't go through that. Right. I didn't go get Olympias, or I didn't feel like I was cursed by anybody. Um, so I, I have to work through getting out of that belief because I don't believe that it's all wrong. Mhm. I don't believe that. It's all, you know, a bad thing. Yeah. And but it's, it's. Difficult, and I bet because it's something that is kind of seen as this negative thing. Yeah. And mocked. Yeah. And not just by the people we love, but also by like society in general. Right? Right. And don't get me wrong, like, I don't know, you see, like I don't know, like, fuck, I'm not trying to be like a bruja or shit like that, you know, like I'm not trying to, but even in the slightest thing, like I do my practices, I meditate and I listen to, you know, spiritual. Yeah. Um, podcast and follow like a Reverend Michael Beckwith. I'm very big on listening to him and his Sunday services, and I believe in that connection to God, and I believe in that spirituality aspect of things. And, um, I feel like there's been a because of the, because of the way I grew up in my programming on believes of like witchcraft is bad and whatever I feel, it blocks me from going deeper into my spirituality and my connection to God. Ah, and it also has to do with my religious perspective. Yeah. So like my we talked about this in the episode, like how I did it, like I grew I had been atheist for a very long time. Yeah. We're not really had a belief in a connection, but I feel like because of those two things, like I can't just dive into like myself, like I can't, it's a blockage, I guess. And I guess I should stop saying that. It's not like with the refrain, you know, just reframe that like, um, I, I feel like there's this there, like the society, but this is, this is crazy because it's it's I feel more than that. Like, I am stuck in a way or I am stuck, not my stuck. I'm not gonna say that I, I feel like there is a very deep programming in me because of all of those perspectives from other people that has made it that I default to that programming without conscious, like without any awareness for safe. Yeah, I get. Yeah. Um. Case in point, this weekend, um, I didn't really think about, like, oh, there's going to be drinking and, like, whatever. Like, I just went to my aunt sweating like. Mhm. Um, it was more about attending and being there with the family and I was so excited. Mhm. Or I didn't, I don't feel like I had the control of myself that I felt I should have. And it led me to like plug and drink and party and have a good time. But at the same time I'm like wait like that was excessive. Mhm. Um where there was no control on my end. Yeah. And I, and I, I'm like holy crap. Like I've been thinking about that a lot. Yeah. And I'm like holy crap. Like the control that I thought I had is really what. I'm not in those situations. Yeah. Because it's very like, you know, there's an event a family event, maybe once a year or whatever, right. And I'm like, okay, well, I have to then prepare myself that. Like I have to go in more deeper into the work. Mhm. Because the moment I'm put into an in back in those situations, I literally just fall back into my programming. Yeah, but it's also because that's what your body and brain knows. So it is, in a sense, a safety mechanism that it's doing for you. And, and, and I think and it's so it's just something that we're used to but you know. Yeah. And so it's not like it sucks because you're like, damn, I like I had more self-control. Yeah. Right. But that's what you think about them. Yeah I thought I had the, you know, like it goes back to like like, um, feeling like whoa. Like, is it working? Yeah. You know, like or am I, I mean, obviously yeah. Yeah. And I and it almost feels like a betrayal to my true self. Mhm. Like like really Nancy you had one job. Mhm. To just be who you want to be for one day. Right. Um because that's who you want to present yourself as. Yeah. And you went and fucking fucked it up like. And that. And it feels like that. Like it does feel like that. And that's understandable. Yeah, yeah, it's completely understandable. And I think it's just a way to be more loving and graceful with ourselves is to just know that that's what our body and system remembers. Right. Going to do that? Yeah. It's funny you say the word betray because I felt I betrayed myself also. Um, we're not going to go into that right now because we're talking about something else, but it's it's as you go into it. Yeah. I mean, we're right here. Oh, God. Okay, so dive in there. So this weekend, um, I felt I betrayed myself because I'm not that much of a drinker, you know, that. And didn't really care to, like, drink that day. And for whatever reason, I fell into the the I gave in to, like, the invites of joining in and, uh, taking shots and, like, drinking right then, like, the whole night went on. And the next day I felt like I had betrayed myself in that sense, because I gave in to drinking, and I don't want to drink like I don't. I don't like alcohol because I know what it does to my body. And and I know what it is spiritually also invites other spirits into me. And I don't want that. And it's not the good spirits either. And so things happened, and I let you know that I didn't want certain things to happen again. Right. And. That whole situation, I felt I betrayed myself because that's not what I want to be in, you know, like, that's not that's not the version of me that I want to be. Mhm. So interesting. I had uh, the call that I was going to talk to you about and in this call it was about um, this actually came up and the whole event how I felt about myself and like, why am I like this? Like, why do I feel like I have to be somebody else to fit in to with the group of people? And why can't I just be me? Right. And I was raised in an environment where criticism was a huge thing with my family and upbringing and stuff. Criticism is still, I think is a huge thing. And I was just I feel like I was criticized in my upbringing, like everything, right. Somebody comes to went over to my parent's house, like as soon as that person left, they would start criticizing them. And when I met you, I remember there was something that I struggled with. Uh, because I remember asking you one time like, aw, I observed that when somebody left your family's house, they didn't say anything about them. They like they just continued on with their lives. Right? They didn't criticize the person that was just there. And it took me a while to get used to that. And even still to this day, I'm like, like, they don't like that. Can't be like, they don't criticize me. Right. And and and so I realized in this conversation with somebody else that a lot of the times what causes me to betray myself is due to the criticism that I expect to receive from other people, um, and in turn causing me to betray myself and do things that I don't want to partake in. Right? Yeah. All for or in the name of receiving love. Because growing up, that is how it was like. You get criticized, so you morph into whatever they want you to be so you can receive their love. So you won't be criticized, so you won't be criticized. Right. And so but it doesn't matter what you become like, they're not going to love you because they're just they're their own person. So you're always going to be criticized, right? Matter whatever way. Yeah. Either way. Yeah. But in my body, just how we were talking about like that's how you grew up, that's where your body knows as far as safety. That's what my body knows and remembers is the criticism. And so it's like, okay, Brenda, well, you need to be what they want you to be so that you can be loved. Yeah. And that essentially the root of why I, I did the things that I did at that event we went to. Yeah. Right. And, and I think, I think it's true for, for me as well. I mean, I could, I could relate for, I could relate to some of the things that you're mentioning, like how you grew up. I mean, maybe it wasn't criticism that I received, but it was it was more so of like, if I'm being something different than what my family knows me as. Then there's criticism there because of it. So or if it's called criticism. Yeah I mean otherwise. Yeah. Like if I'm being something different than I then I, they know me to be right. Then I feel like I'm, they're either going to make fun of me or something like, oh you're trying to be blah, blah blah, you know, um, like there's that involved in my family. Yeah. But you see, I feel that at the same time, like, even if I do change or even if I do decide to be, you know, who like whatever I decide to be or do. Um, I feel that eventually, like, my family would just be like, okay, like, that's who you are now, right? But subconsciously in my programming is going back to like, I'm just doing it myself now. Yeah. I'm just choosing to still be the person that I, I feel I'm still choosing to be this fucking tongue twister. And I'm still choosing to be the person that I think my family wants me to be. Yeah. But at the end of the day, I know, like, deep down, I know that they're gonna love me no matter what, right? No matter who I become or who I am. Like, they're gonna love me no matter what. Like I know that with every being, with everything that I am. Mhm. And it's just me. Mhm. I'm caught up in the assumption of like they're wanting like like what they're going to say. Yeah. But it could be that they don't say anything. Right. Yeah. There's no expected response that you have an expectant response that you're expecting to receive from them. But like in the conversation with the person I was having, it's like, well, why don't you just express like that you don't like, you don't want to drink and that you don't want to be disrespectful, but you don't want to drink and then see what the response is. Right? Because if you would have been like, oh, I don't feel like drinking, like I don't want to, I don't want any, I would have blank okay. Mhm. Like yeah there probably we would still want to be. Are you sure. Are you sure. Mhm. There would still be that. But like after you know maybe 1 or 2 times of saying are you sure. Like just one or doing that peer pressure dance that would be like oh okay. Like yeah. She doesn't want to, she doesn't want to. Yeah. But it comes back to you standing your ground. It's my truth. Yeah. It's standing up for me. For who I am. Yeah, yeah. It goes with anything that happens in this world. Yes. In like. Not just that event in particular. It's just anything. Anything is just standing your ground and understanding where you're like in that moment, being an awareness like, no, I don't want to. Yeah. But see, it's very difficult for somebody who grew up in an environment where they got criticism or they had to be the manager of emotions for their family. Right. And so it's like, oh, I have to manage your emotions. I have to keep the peace for you, and I have to just betray myself all together. Right? So it's like, that's kind of like, for me, that's what it is. It's like being that manager of emotions in the household growing up, being the the oldest child thing and like just trying to keep everybody happy. Yeah. The whole family. Yeah. Right. And so here's my like subconscious programming. Like I just want to keep everybody happy so that they love me. Yeah. So let me go and take shots with you right. Yeah. And it's like and that's not what I want. Yeah. And to me is, is being who they know me to be is like the party person. Like who's like to me I'm like, whoa, come on guys. Like, somebody needs to dance. Like yeah. Aw come on guys. It's like we need to have fun. And that's just me, though. Like, nobody's asking for that care. Yeah, nobody cares about it. Like, I'm just thinking, like. Oh, but you see, it goes back to probably. Feeling that awkwardness that like the social awkwardness or not knowing how to be in defaulting to those to those things that I feel, I feel had gone, had gotten me by when I'm out. Mhm. Is like, all right, let's go drink some more. Like defaulting into those, into that programming that I've put myself in because that's where I felt safe. Yeah. Because that's that's where I feel my identity lies. Yeah. And it's kind of also like back to the people pleasing. Yeah. Piece of things. I mean, I don't think it has to do with people like, I feel like it just has to do with, like, like me, me thinking I have to be that still because nobody else is doing it. Yeah. You're trying to please everybody else. I mean, I guess, yeah, I guess subconsciously. Like I'm still thinking like, all right, let me be this person so people could have fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you're thinking like, let's have a great time, right? For everybody to have a great. Exactly. Yeah. Where it's like, everybody's already having a great time. Yeah. What is a great time to you? Yeah. Exactly. Like. We could just be chilling. Like talking to my family stuff and dancing without it being like this. Overconsumption of alcohol, you know? And I think there's a lot to be said. Also, like you, you made a small comment there where it said, you said like, well, it's just like socially awkward, like to interact with people, you know. And I think that comes back down to us like, yeah, how, how good do we feel within ourselves to hold a conversation and to hold the genuine talk. Right. You know. Right. Yeah. And that's the okay. So it goes back to the beginning that we were talking about being in my true self and being in alignment with my true self, and how I want to present myself in this world wherever I am, whether it be with family, you know, new acquaintances or networking or whatever it is. Right? It's how I want to present myself. And I feel that because I am not actively practicing being out there, right. Because I literally just stay home all the time. Yeah. Like I or with with people that I already know. Yeah. So if I'm not actively out there and give putting in the work of actually practicing those things in a real life environment. Like I'm still going to be stuck to what I my my programming. Yeah, because I'm not giving myself like I'm not giving myself the opportunity to change in real life. Yeah. In those situations. Wow. That's true. And I'm just like, oh no, I'm doing the work. I'm meditating. It's like, no, no, no. And then here comes a fucking party. And oh, that's not the motherfucker like. And it's the same shit like, and then you fall into the same thing and then you feel like I feel I feel bad personally, I feel bad for not having that control. I feel bad for not showing up the way I want it. I want to show up right. And I feel and I feel bad, like default team into programming so quickly without any awareness. It's just like like whatever was happening was happening. And I never in the awareness that I think I am on a day to day. Yeah, yeah, it just went out the fucking window like. Yeah. The, I don't know, the ranch where we were at a ranch, so it smelled like cow shit and stuff. Um, I think the smell just, like, took it away. No, I mean, obviously not, but, like, just just, like, unconsciously acting a way that I didn't want to. Yeah. And that's, I feel like I feel for me, it's like, okay, like I don't want to be that anymore. But I understand that I'm also not giving myself the opportunity to grow as a person, um, towards the person that I want to be and how I want to, like I said, how I want to present myself to this world and the things that I want to achieve as well. Because what happened Saturday is not going to put me closer to what I want to be, right? It actually made me aware it happened. Right. So it's the contrast like it happened. So now I know what I don't want. I don't want that. Mhm. And so now I have to just make the effort to go towards what I want and how I want to be. But I'm also, I'm also in awareness now that like I'm not giving myself the opportunity to grow as a person if I'm still. Staying secluded and not really like talking to people and not putting myself in situations where I could practice these things. Yeah, in what we would consider uncomfortable situation. Exactly. Yeah. Well, it takes a lot of work, I feel. Yeah. Because I mean when tension. Yeah, it takes a lot of tension because there is um, you know, I've heard a lot of people say like, oh, well, you have to be around like minded people, right. Mhm. But it's like, well if you're around a lot of people like like minded people, then you're not really putting yourself in situations that is going to test you. Yeah. To like to grow. To grow. Yeah. Like you're just, you're, oh you like to meditate. I like 22. Yeah. Let's fucking meditate together right now. Late. Okay. Yeah. But like if I'm put in a different situation, like going back to hang out with my family because I love to do that and they're like, shot time and I'll be like, hell yeah. Like I'm not putting myself in situations where like, it's it's true. You have to be around people that are going to uplift you and people that you can have these conversations with that you want to have, like like minded conversations, right? Um, but I feel like it's also true to put yourself out with different in different environments. Yeah, because that's the only we only way we learn from, you know, what the what our programming still are. Yeah. And get us one step closer to this is not what I want to be. Yeah. This is who I do want to be. Okay. Like so in a sense, it does, I guess, help with where you want to be and. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's what I don't want. Yeah. Throwing again in my face. Yeah. Like Nancy, you're gonna repeat the same fucking cycle over and over in your life until you realize how much you don't want that. Yeah. Until you realize how much like until you realize. Or I guess until you, you become completely aligned. Like, not completely, but, like, closer and closer. Align to to yourself and the person that you want to be. But in order in order to get there, you literally need to. I feel you need to really, like, digest all of the beliefs that you think you had, like going back to like the whole witchcraft. Yeah, like all of that. Like, I know that in order for me to get. Deep into spirituality and the connections that I want to have with myself and who I truly am as a person, and even connection with my ancestors. And, you know, my spirit guides. And because I believe in all of that, yeah, I know that I have to really digest my true beliefs and sit down and be like, what do I believe about ancestors? Yeah. What do I believe about spirit guides? Because I know that there's still a lot of in me that neglect neglects, that subconsciously. I know that, like I do believe it. Like I do believe it. Right? Like I believe it's a thing. I believe that we could be connected to source. I believe that we have that, um, connection with God. Like I believe in that now. Right. And part a part of me, though it's still subconsciously like, that's all bullshit. That. That crazy to me? Yeah. How your mind works, babe. It's crazy. So it's a constant battle because of all of the shit that I grew up with or hearing, right? All my life. It's a constant battle. And I. That's where. That's where I know that there's obviously more work to be done, because I truly believe that this is the this is the path that I want to go on. Yeah, I want to essentially expand, like I've mentioned in other in other episodes like expand and teach and teach people and guide people as much as I'm able to, as much as anybody would listen. Right. Like I feel like. There is a better state of consciousness. A human being can live in and could teach their kids to live in more than where we are right now. I agree with that. And and that's my goal. Like that's that. That's not my goal. But that's my aspiration that that's who I want to become. And that's the person that, um, that I feel I've always been in my own way. But at the end of the day, like, but at the same time, I have subconscious programming that's calling bullshit and all of that. Why do you think it's so hard for you to believe and just, like, let go of the prior beliefs. So for example, like like brouhaha. Right. Yeah. So, uh, the example I have is I, we have heard of the stories of witches being burned at the stake. Right? Yeah. And we grew up with thinking like, witches are bad and all of this stuff. And in that I believed that for the longest time, like, wow, witches were bad. And then I listened to podcasts by more enlightened individuals in regards to these topics. And witches were burned because they were being true women and their power ability. Right. and their abilities of clairvoyance and all of that stuff and their magic, right, with their true intuition. And they were tuned in, tapped in, turned on to who they were. You know, they were a true force. Yeah. And then they made them. They called them witches, and they turned them into this whole thing in society, who we think are now bad women. Right, right. And they even portray him to be ugly with like, big old noses and stuff. Yeah. And they weren't so. So my question so obviously I heard that right. And I was like, oh my gosh. Yes. I did a few like research and I like read about it. I'm like, wow, yeah, this is so true. Like they're right. And now I'm like, yeah, witches are great. Like magic is fucking powerful. And and all this stuff. Right. And um, and I believe it 100%. So why do you think it's so difficult for you to like to learn about something and then, like, accept it fully? 100%? I, I feel that there's just more work that I need to do to, um, program those thoughts from my subconscious mind. Um, because really subconscious programming. Yeah. Because I feel like I said that so seriously. So yeah. You did. Hahahahaha. I feel like subconsciously. I caught myself saying it's so serious to. I'm like, yeah, I feel like there's definitely a lot more work to do. Um, for myself, because subconscious programming, because I do, because I do believe it in as well. Like everything that you said in regards to witches, for example, like I believe you like I believe it, I, I would say the same thing like. Yeah. Like. No, like. Yeah. We can get that up. Um. Which is our, you know, like the perspective that we were told. Yeah. Um, the stories that we were told are obviously manufactured to make us fear them or fear women that were connected to their spirituality. Mhm. And I believe that wholeheartedly. Like I believe wholeheartedly whatever that saying is. I believe that completely. And in my mind it's still like it, like there's still a piece of me that's like oh the like, oh like that's still stupid or like not stupid or like it's bullshit. Like whatever. It doesn't matter. Like, so that voice in your head, who do you picture saying that? This is real nice. Oh, really? Um, do you want to say no but to you? Yeah. Okay. But it came to me, so now you know where that's coming from. Yeah. And so now you're aware. I mean, I mean, I'm sure you've known this whole time that it's not your belief. Yeah, I have known and I don't know, I'm getting emotional. Emotional? Um. Why? Uh, because I just realized who I'm listening. Who I'm hearing, and it's not me. Yeah. Um, it's definitely somebody that I grew up with. Yeah, and it's crazy. It's crazy. It it's crazy to me because it's proof that somebody that you were or somebody you grew up with, somebody that you're close with, you can have those, like, their beliefs engraved in you. Mhm. And a lot of and because it could be your, your parents, it could be whoever. Right. Yeah. And then it keeps you from, from becoming your, your true self who you want to be. Yeah. So it's getting rid of getting getting rid of that. That's crazy. Yeah. But yeah like as soon as you asked me that, it came it came to my mind. And I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about. Mhm. But as soon as you, as soon as you asked me that um, and I kind of already knew it, like I kind of already knew, but like it's just like, I don't know, it's just so embedded in my mind. Yeah. And that's true for many other people. How you said that, that those beliefs and those thoughts become embedded into our subconscious, and it prevents us from pursuing and being and expressing in the true essence of who we really are. Yeah. And it prevents us from doing what our soul is here wanting you to do. And, and it's, it's and it's truly being in that, that form of expression of yourself and expressing yourself in all the ways that you are meant to be is truly who you're meant to be. Yeah. This morning I was sitting outside journaling and the sun was reflecting on the pool, and it was so bright, like it was coming in through my peripherals. And I was like, dude, this is so bright, right? And yeah, immediately the thing that I thought of was like, how we are a reflection of the creator of God, of the universe, of that great spirit, we are a a replica of that. And to think that we allow These beliefs that are put into our mind growing up to prevent us from being that full expression of ourselves. Just like makes me sad, you know, to think that there's so many people walking this earth like you, like myself, like other people that aren't allowing themselves to express because of those beliefs that you mentioned. Right. And and some people just not aware that like, yeah, some people aren't aware like, oh, like here, here, here I am. Like, obviously I know that the beliefs were in mind. Like, I knew this, I knew that it was like, I don't believe that anymore. Right? Or like I don't agree with those thoughts that are coming in my mind, like when I'm thinking about spirituality and connecting and stuff. And I heard my thoughts coming in like, like, oh, that's all bullshit thoughts. I'm like, no, it's not like I would literally have this conversation. And despite in my head as if I would be having this argument or fight with that person, which is crazy. And this is just something that, like I put together right now. Um. But it's like it's been in the awareness, like it's also realizing like, holy shit. Like I'm being like my mom, or I'm being like my dad or whoever it is. Right? Like, but it's also realizing, like the little voice that you hear in your head, or those thoughts that come up that are going against who you really want to be, could just be somebody else's beliefs that you're portraying, and you're subconsciously have them programmed into your mind. Yeah, like I do. Yes. Yeah. And a way that you can, uh, aid yourself or help yourself in truly like dismantling that belief is writing a letter to that person, um, writing a letter and expressing everything, like, just express all of it, right? Yeah. And then throwing it away. Oh, yeah. I was gonna say, I don't know. But it's in in writing a letter. And this is something that I learned in, in the book that I'm actively reading the an Artist's Way. Yeah. Um, which I still want to order. Yes. And we're going to get a free today and it's and she talks about in like one of the weeks to do that. Yeah. Right. And she calls it your Monster Hall of Fame though because it's the people that instilled beliefs in you, um, when you were little and they kind of became the monsters in your head. And they now rule your life in a sense. Wow. Yeah. So she said literally all that I just said. Yeah. So she says, yeah, she's like, create your monsters Hall of Fame and write a letter to them. Oh, that's a good one. And then just get rid of it. Yeah. And I think that's I mean, it just became full circle here because, you know, if you're listening and you and you're, you relate to anything that I said or how I was literally going through this like conversation, you know, with, um, talking about like, these thoughts that these beliefs that go against who I really want to be and not knowing really like it's my subconscious programming. Right? Which it is. But you could identify it. Yeah. And if there's thoughts that you felt that didn't coincide with who you want to be, that you can't relate like that you don't relate to anymore. I that's a very good practice. Mhm. Writing that letter and like letting go like you said like it's. And you see, I was thinking like, well, I have to like, dig into those beliefs, right? Like, I don't because I don't believe those things. Yeah. Um, but I knowing where it comes from, it makes it easier. Mhm. A lot more easier to decipher the thoughts from your own. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, just so you guys all know, this was raw footage. We literally just processed some of these things and some of the things already have been processed. Literally just talking about them now. Yeah. Um. That's crazy. So telling you therapy sessions, deep diving, deep diving, baby. Once again, guys, thank you for listening. If you gain something or feel inclined to share this episode, please do so. 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