EP 20 | When You Feel Like You’ve Abandoned Yourself and Nancy’s Ronca Voice

In Episode 20 of Deep Divin', we’re talking about that gut-wrenching realization when you feel like you’ve completely abandoned yourself—and yes, Nancy’s ronca voice steals the show. 😏

Let’s be honest: it’s way too easy to lose connection with your inner self. Saying “yes” to things you didn’t really mean (hello, awkward brunch plans) or feeling like you’re on autopilot? That’s a sign you might not truly know yourself, and we’ve all been there.

Nancy takes us through her existential deep dive, asking the big questions: Who am I? How do I decide which parts of my programming are worth keeping? And seriously, where do I even begin to reprogram these outdated beliefs?

Meanwhile, Brenda brings it back to the dreams we had as kids—you know, before the world handed us a script for who to be. She also drops some wisdom on the “virtue trap”—that sneaky lie that selflessness is a virtue, when in reality, it’s often a one-way ticket to abandoning yourself.

Tune in for laughs, relatable truths, and emotions, as well as solid takeaways for getting back to YOU. And hey, don’t forget to follow us on Instagram and subscribe to our YouTube channel for even more shenanigans and self-love inspo.

Keywords: Self-Abandonment, Inner Connection, Self-Discovery, Virtue Trap, Childhood Dreams, Programming Beliefs, Reprogramming Mindset, Latina Podcast, Emotional Healing, Self-Awareness

Hashtags: #WhoAmI #InnerConnection #LatinaHealing #VirtueTrap #DreamBigAgain #SelfLoveJourney #LatinaPodcast #MindsetShift #NancyRoncaVibes

Transcript

EP 20 | When You Feel Like You've Abandoned Yourself and Nancy's Ronca Voice

 Hey guys, welcome to the Deep Dive In podcast with Nancy and Brenda. And we are back, boo boo. You sound just like your normal self. No I don't. Yes you do. I could feel like the raspy ness in my beautiful voice in the intro. You sounded the same. I like. That was very forced. I wanted to make sure it was top tier. Top tier? Yeah, well, we're finally back, guys from our one week hiatus because Nancy's voice was gone. Yeah, it's still kind of not there. No. Like you could see. Yeah, but I wasn't gonna go another week without recording. No, I know you weren't. So listen to her. Sexy as voice. Here we go. It sounds really good. It's just that she's no less a raspy voice. Sounds better. Um, it's just not better. It just sounded like my regular voice. Or your regular voice sounds hot too. Oh. Noted. So on air there. Um. Yo. Hi, guys. Everyone out there? I think we have, like, a couple of things we've been wanting to talk about or that we want to talk about. Um, I really want to go into, like, something that just came up for me, okay? Because it's really fresh and, you know, deep dive in. This is what we do. And I like fresh in the moment, like realizing shit. Okay. So I was listening to this podcast today. Okay. Awaken breathwork with Lucas and Hella. Um, if you haven't listened to it or you don't know who they are, like, check them out on Instagram. I've gone to their breathwork. Yeah. Sessions, um, which are amazing. And they're just like, they're just awesome. Like, you could just tell, like their energy, right? Like when you. When I met them, like, they're so welcoming. But yeah. Check them out. Awaken. Awaken. Breathwork. Awaken. Oh wake. Yeah. Awaken breathwork. But anyway, I was listening to their podcast. Okay, tell us what you got. And you know, before I. Before I go into that, I just want to say, like, I, I know that I, I put a lot of pressure on myself sometimes when it comes to change. And what I mean by that is like I want to change already. Mhm. And and that's been a thing for me like since forever. Ever more more so like since our journey you know started or whatever like this year. And I just like know what things I need to change or, or have, have had realizations of things that I no longer believe in or no longer want to be. Right. Um, I'm like, okay, like, let's fucking change this shit. Right. And it's been a lot more easier said than done. I'm not gonna lie. What do you mean by that? Well, because I feel like I realize these things, and I realize these things, and I feel like, okay, I'm taking steps towards it. Yeah. And then something happens and kind of, like, breaks my focus on the things that I want to change or the things I've said I want to like, accomplish and stuff like that. And I don't know if that goes back to like being Add, ADHD, which I don't know if I really am, but I know that I have like some kind of like. Um, not being able to focus, um, or just have a million things going on to make me feel more comfortable, I guess, I don't know. Um, so for me, it's been it's been kind of like, just more difficult to stick with it for longer periods of time because her life happens, live continues to happen. And like, you still have to work and you still have to, you know, do events or go to different events and family functions and, and all of those things that trigger or trigger things in habits in you, um, that you haven't fully released or let go of. Mhm mhm. Um inserting conditioning essentially. Yeah. So anyway what I say is like I put pressure on myself, which I, what I feel is like I sometimes give myself a hard time because something triggers something and then I'm like, fuck, I thought I already, you know, I've already worked through this, like what the hell? And so that's not the case. So anyway, going back, right, I was listening to this podcast today. The podcast was, uh, talking about abandoning yourself. Mhm. And they were talking about abandoning yourself in a way of like doing things that you are saying yes to things that you really don't want to do. Right. But because you don't want. To make the other person feel bad or disappoint others. Disappoint others. Um, you continue to do it. Yeah. And so that actually like when she said, like, oh, what did I tell you? She said that sometimes we continued to do things or say yes to doing things even if we don't want to, because we don't really know what we want to do. So automatically we just agreed to doing those things. Kind of like one of the examples they gave was, um, in our in our romantic partnership, you get used to like eating with the other person eats. Yeah. And that's, that's something that's happened to us just because, like, that's what they're going to eat and they're going to make it. So. Yeah. Or like they ask you like, oh like they're eating but you're not. And they're like, oh do you want some? And then you just innately say yes, just to like satisfy the other person with a yes. And but it's not like it's not even that you're trying to satisfy them. Yeah. Just start getting used to. Well what I said, yeah. What she said was, oh, you're just so disconnected from your body that you don't even pay attention to what your body really wants. Like, have your stomach want that. Yeah. Even hungry. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So that goes with all the other things is like, is that a fully embodied. Yes. Or a fully embodied no. Like, does your body even want that. Yeah. And I feel like that's one of the things that caught my attention that she said. I'm going back to like, like, not like giving myself a hard time for not changing things or whatever, but also it feels like it feels like I'm just touching the surface of the things I really need to focus of. Focus on changing for myself. Okay. So I feel like that's the reason why there hasn't been the significantly the significant change that in myself that that I want, I want there to be. Yeah. To be in alignment with what I want and what who I want to be and what I want to do because I feel like there like I'm missing. I'm missing the like, okay, well, what going deep into what do I really want. Mhm. Who who am I really. Yes. Yes. And and and I think honestly that that that entails a lot of inner work. And I think I know for me personally, I thought I was doing the inner work at some point in my life just a few years ago. And it was just the mindset work, right? It was just the subconscious stuff, the reprogramming stuff, the oh yeah, I'm aware that this is there, the shadow stuff. Right? Like, this is what triggers me. This is all of that. That was like my mindset stuff. That was my brain stuff. And it's not until recently that I've realized that this what I'm doing now is like even more inner work. Choosing to say no, choosing to say yes because of how my body and my whole being feels towards it. Right? And I can say that it's difficult because I feel like in our culture for so long. We are put in a place where we're taught to ignore the cues from our body, and we're taught to ignore that intuition and that like, yes, I really want to do this because this is what I want to become. Yeah, no, I don't want to do this because this is not who I want to be. I feel like it's a lot easier for you than it is for me. Like, I feel like it's a lot easier or you're you're definitely more, not more, but, like, you're very well connected to the part of you that like, does you want to do something? Yeah. Because there's a strong I feel like there's a strong will inside of me that I really want to be who I envision myself to be. Like, I really want to be that. And what do you what do you envision yourself to be? I envision myself, uh, being in the most truest and rawest, authentic expression of myself. And what that means to me is authentically expressing myself in any form that I am. And for the people that are around me to accept that. And if they don't, then those aren't my people. Right. And so in my mind, how it works is, well, the sooner I can get to the rawest and most authentic expression of myself. Because right now, this is the most rawest and most authentic expression of myself right now, in this moment. Right? Right. But I feel there's so much more. I, I want to have the people that want me in that expression. Yeah. And so. Well, the marches, the people. But like, you know, just the life that that creates for you. For me, I think it's just like it's just a I don't know if it's you'd consider it strong willed or whatever. I don't know I don't know what you would call it, honestly. It's interesting to me. My. Yeah, because it's just interesting to. Oh, I thought there was a reason. No, I mean, like I because I mean, we we both have things that we want to accomplish for ourselves and we both have and we we both have shared like our desires, like just how you should. You know, you mention what you what you mentioned. Now like, we both share who we who we are becoming way with each other and the things that that we want to be wanting, want to embody. Yeah. Um, and obviously with the work and with the time, those things may change or may, but fundamentally, it's like we we know where we want to be. Yeah. Or who we want to be in this world. Mhm. But it it's definitely it's definitely. Been challenging, especially the knowing who I am. What do you mean by that? Well, and then knowing who you are aspect of it, like just trying to find out. But yeah, because I feel like and I don't, I don't want to get emotional, but, um, I feel like in the pursuit or in the, in the work of all of these things. Right? We all the things that we've talked about in this, in this podcast and all of the things we've discovered about ourselves, and, you know, how certain things trigger us and the way we grew up and all of the things that we we know to be true. Mhm. Are all of the things that have happened to us, all of the things that have happened to me, all of the things that I was like grown to believe or programmed to believe. Like, I like, I don't know, I think, um, I think the hardest part is. Is kind of deciphering out of out of those things what is truly me. Who? So when I when you ask the question, when I ask myself the question, like, who am I? I literally see sometimes, like everything that's happened to me, um, and I know that's not who I am. No, like, I know that's not who I am. So it's difficult to or it's been difficult or challenging. I don't know what the right word to say. I don't know, challenging whatever. Um, but I think I get lost in the like, this is what's happened to me and everything that I know to be true is this. Yeah. Like, where do I start to. I pretend I'm a baby again. Yeah. Who do I want to be? Um. So it's like. Yeah, that's. That's, uh, that's a tough one, because I. I'm sitting here across from you, and and I'm feeling your emotions and how it feels, and I can only imagine thinking sitting there, like, if I were to put myself in your shoes and sit there, and I were to think back to all the things that have happened to me, then I would be calling myself, I am a divorced mom. I am a I don't know whatever other terms there are out there for whatever has happened for me in my life and and sometimes, and I feel like people choose to live by those events that happened for them, and they allow them to define who they are. Right. And in your pursuit, how you're saying when you're saying like, well, where do I begin from when I was a baby and I personally began from the youngest age before before everybody told me who to be. And it's usually like. For girls, it's usually I would say, I don't know, pretty soon I'd say by like 8 or 9, you start to notice how you're supposed to be in this world, right? And but it's like, think back to seven year old Nancy. What did she want to be? Yeah. Then you know. Right. It's those dreams that truly carry us. Those dreams of like, this is what I wanted to do. This is what I wanted to be. That dream is still out there somewhere, but it got crushed by somebody else. But it's still out there in pieces, and it's just waiting for us to reclaim it and find it and find all the pieces and put them all back together. Yeah. It's, uh, that's that's really what's been. I feel like, um, what came up for me today was going back to the beginning, like you said, like going back to that moment where you feel you abandon who you really are for whatever reason. Yeah. Because, you know, sometimes as a mom, too, you know, you abandon yourself for your children. Yeah. You abandon yourself. And it's not just when they're little, like your whole life. Sometimes some some women that I know or some women that I've seen, um, they, their kids become their lives. Yeah. And like literally forever. Mhm. Like I've seen women in my life that their kids have become their life and they do everything for their kids forever. Like. Yeah. Like they can be like that when they want it. Right. I don't know. But no, I mean I'm it's more so like, obviously there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with, um, you doing something like, there's nothing wrong with you doing it for your child. If that's what makes you happy and you're truly not abandoning yourself. Yes. That's the thing. Yeah. Like, if you're abandoning yourself to make somebody else happy and abandoning what you believe in and who you know yourself to be, then you really have to stop and think like, wait a minute. And it's no fault to the other person or no fault to anybody else. It's just coming back to yourself. And really, like, think about, like, who you are. Yeah. Like, who was I before I got pregnant? Who was I before? You know, like, for me, like, who was I before? My life started right before I started working at Chuck-e-cheese. Even before that. Yeah, it was before that, but, um. But it's those it's those questions that I feel like you have to sit with and, and come back to. Because the answer is not going to come to you like the first time you ask yourself, you know, or the second time you ask yourself this, like you're really going to have to ask yourself a million times, who am I? Mhm. And I just realized that like it's not just a one time thing because you're, you're ever evolving. Yeah. Right. Yeah that makes sense. Like I never thought about that either. You have to continue asking yourself. Yeah. And I feel like in those moments where you feel dysregulated, you feel like weird or blah. Uhhuh. In those moments is really where you have to ask yourself, like, am I being who I really am right now? Because I feel like you feel that way because you're disconnected from what you truly want to be. Yes, I agree. And it's kind of like a tap on your shoulder like, hey, check yourself out, go inwardly. What's going on? And it's funny though, I, I'm thinking about it as you're talking. I don't really ask myself, who am I? So I don't think I will, you know. Why not? Because I feel like that's a question. That is a rhetorical question. That is an unanswered question. Like, who am I? I don't know, because what I was one second ago is no longer me. And so like, well, I mean, yeah of course, but but fundamentally, like fundamentally I was like, I am this type of person. Like I love flowers blah blah blah. Yeah, that in that sense. But in the, in the deeper sense of like, who am I and who who am I here to be? Like, I don't find myself pondering that question because I feel like it just makes life harder, at least for me. I think it's important specifically in the journey. Mhm. And the journey that where you start like trying to dismantle like what you believe in or what you don't believe in and whatever. Mhm. Yeah. Yeah yeah. In that sense I make sense. And so like the the HLA and Lucas episode, I know you had mentioned that it brought out like those thoughts in you. And do you feel like in relationship. I know you did mention this off the air, but in relationship. Alison romantic relationship. Do you feel that that's something that is easy to get out of? To me, it's like when you're in a healthy relationship or not a healthy relationship, I guess, for lack of a better word, a healthy relationship where you do communicate with each other, your goals and certain things that you are striving for. And you talk about like eating habits, for example, or working out, for example, or whatever it is, the practices that you want to do for yourself. Yeah, if you have those conversations with the other person and you, you know, talk about it and then the other person knows, like you're trying to achieve these goals, then I, I would assume that the other person will, you know, help you. Yeah. Get there. Laser. No. Yeah. So it's just I think the, the, I think the hardest part is being real with yourself. It's being real and raw with yourself and truthful with yourself to what you want and need at that moment to be able to communicate that with your partner. Mhm. Because if you don't tell them then how are they supposed to know. That's true. So nothing's going to change because the other person is not going to know what the fuck's going on. Like I thought you were hungry so I brought you a fucking burger. What are you. Why aren't you happy about it? You know? Yeah, I think it's all. It comes down to the communication part. That's. Yeah, like anything else. I mean, that's true. I could see that. That's true. Yeah. Like, so there's definitely a possibility that you fall into that, like, abandonment stuff and, like, you just have to communicate with each other. Like what? Like what each other wants in order for you to fall out of that. Yeah. Or change things if you want things to be changed. Yeah. Obviously, you know, in if you're if you're in a relationship and you love eating the same thing and like, yeah, you know, like if you guys both love eating the same thing and like whatever. Like doing the same thing like, yeah. Like more power to you. No problem. I cook, we both eat. But I mean, it's definitely the communication piece, I think. But yeah, for the most part, what resonated with me would open up like a new perspective of things was when she said, you know, like when she was talking about like the not knowing who you really are, like, do is saying yes and doing the things that you don't want to do because you really don't know who you really are or you're not aligned into who you really are. Yeah. And I think that that's one of the reasons why we, we, we hold ourselves back from the things we want to do. A lot of people hold themselves back. Me being included in that. We hold ourselves back because we don't go back to ourselves and be like, okay, it my doing the things that I want to do for myself. Mhm. And if the answer is no to that then you have to tell yourself like okay what do I need to do to change that. Yeah. Because if you don't change it, if you don't even ask yourself that question and you don't change it, you feel stuck all the time. Yeah. And you feel like your life is going nowhere, and you feel like your life is so mundane and you feel like, um, all of the things. Right. Mhm. And I think it's asking yourself those questions like are you doing everything. That you want to be doing right now for yourself. That's so true. Like, who gives a fuck about anybody else? Yeah, honestly, because you're with yourself 100% of the time while you're here. So like the time, who gives a fuck about anybody else? And I'm, I'm seriously like saying you're like your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother, your kids. Like, I mean, obviously you love them. Whatever. But for one moment, for one moment, let yourself be like, all right, I don't give a fuck about anybody else. What do I need to do for myself right now? Mhm. And if that's like going for a walk then go for the fucking walk. Yeah. You know, but sometimes we just don't ask ourselves. So we don't give the time. We don't give ourselves the time to ask ourselves those questions. And we also don't give ourselves the time to listen to what comes up when you ask yourself, yourself those questions. That's true because I think, like the majority of people think that they can't give themselves the time to listen because they think like, oh my gosh, they can't sit still like I have ADHD. I can't meditate like, I can't do this and it's not true. You guys, um, and and at the same time, sometimes I, I also think that the reason people don't ask themselves the questions like you're saying, which is really on point, because I feel like they don't ask themselves the questions because they already really know the answer. And they sometimes, like, don't want to admit in a sense, you know. Yeah, if that makes sense. You know what I'm saying. Mhm. Yeah. And, uh, like, I feel like deep down inside, sometimes the people know, but they don't want to ask themselves the question because they know what what it may take to have to do the things that need to be done to change or whatever the case may be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's like like 60, 40, 60% of the time. I think people already know what they need to do. Um, 40% of the time people never really those people have never given themselves the time. Mhm. Yeah. Have never really given themselves a time to even like ask the question. Yeah I could do that. Yeah. So it's like they don't even know to ask the question. So they never asked a question. So it's just like if they stuck I'm just living my life. What do you mean? I And you know what? Sometimes. I'm not gonna lie, but sometimes I'm. Sometimes I cross my mind. Yeah. Like, damn, I wish I was. I like, I wish I didn't know all of these things. And that work. Yeah. Is that where you say, I don't know what I like? Sometimes I'm like, why can't I just, like, love my job and, like, love to go to the park on Saturdays and, you know, like, have a routine and that's it. Like, not strive for anything else. Mhm. Like, why can't I just be that way. But you do have a simple life babe remember. I do. But it's like knowing all of these things though. Yeah. Make them so simple. I mean I still have a simple life when it comes to like day to day things that need to be done. But in my mind. That shit ain't simple. The thinking about, you know, different perspectives. Or you should draw this inception like in my mind of of just like and and sometimes just me analyzing myself. Mhm. I analyze myself so much. Like in what type of ways. Well like I analyze myself sometimes um, with a conversation that I had and I break out, I break down the conversation and I'm like, why did I say this? Or I should have said this instead, or why did that make me feel that way? Okay. Or, you know, like, so I, I analyze myself or I even analyze myself sometimes when I do certain things. Yeah. Or like I'm doing certain things and I'm just like, why am I doing this right now? Or like, it's so crazy. Yeah. Did you ever feel analyzed when you were little? Like you're being analyzed by people or like, everything you did, like, was it being checked on or something? Um, shit. Yeah, maybe a little bit. Okay. I feel like my mom was like that. Okay? Like, she was always like, what are we doing? Like, if, you know, like, checking in on what we were doing. Yeah. She. My mom was a big I feel from what I remember, in my experience, yeah, we kind of wanted to say. Yeah. From what I remember in my experience as a child is that my mom was very controlling. She didn't have control of her relationship, but she did want to have control of her children. Mhm. So what that means is, you know, if she saw us like sitting down or something and the kitchen was dirty, I mean she would clean and stuff but like she was still want us to get up and clean or. Okay. Like I mean normal shit I guess. But like I just remember her. Like, I just remember always being very on alert, um, as a child, because I never knew what kind of attitude my mom were, what kind of mood my mom was going to be in. Mhm. Whether she was going to be in a good mood or in a bad mood, but 90% of the time she was in a bad mood and, but like, you never knew. You never knew like how, how things could go. She, she could like. Um, like, cook dinner and like, yeah, be all happy and and stuff. And sometimes it went sideways. So I remember I was very an alert when I was with when, when I was a kid. Because that makes sense. Because I never knew what was going to happen. Yeah. Like, there's a lot of shit going on all the time. For some reason they was in a it's it wasn't 100% a quiet home. Yeah. That much. Yeah. I think we shared some stories with you. Yeah you did. Yeah. But yeah. So I feel I mean that may be one of the reasons why that I like analyze myself because yeah. Like my mom would always be like what do you do. Like I would consider that as being highly critical of yourself. Mhm. Right. Mhm. Yeah. But you see this is the catcher. If I'm highly critical of myself why don't I, why am I not like high performing like you know athlete or athlete athletic or something. I'm sure. Or you know, you know what I mean. Like why. What like if I'm highly critical of the person that I am and I strive to be. Something more than what I am at this moment. Why am I what is keeping me from achieving those things? Mhm. I think it just goes back to the subconscious honestly. You know. No, no. What do you mean. Um, like the reprogramming is like this. There's still things that you have yet to discover in the subconscious parts of yourself that there's still. So there's still unconscious and there's still pretty much ruling you. Yeah. To the point where this is how your life is showing up now. Right. So it's just a matter of bringing them conscious. That makes sense. Yeah. That's what I feel. Yeah. It's all the subconscious programming. Not that I'm not aware of, but even in the awareness of the ones that like that, I don't know. But you see. But but this is the thing. So to me, it came back with the abandonment of myself because I, I'm thinking like if I truly knew who I was. Mhm. And I'm embodied in who I really am and what I really stand for. Mhm. Then none of that. Like that would go out the window. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You need, like, a sort of foundation before you start. Is what you're saying. Like, you need a foundation of who am I? This is what I stand for. This is what I believe in. Before acting upon what you need to do in order to become that. Yeah. Finding out who you are. I think the, the takeaway from the whole conversation is in the. And being aware of not abandoning yourself and being aware of okay, is what I'm doing just on autopilot is what I'm saying yes to on just an autopilot? Yes. Like, am I cooking? Am I cleaning? Am I doing all this just because that's what I do? Am I saying yes to things and agreeing to things because I want to? Or just because that's like, I'm just trying to make everybody else feel good because that is a trap that we all fall into. Yeah. In our lives. And so I think that's actually something that I read in my about the virtue trap where everybody's like, oh, they see them as selfless and like, oh, they care for everybody and all of these things. And like, they always say, yes, like you could go ask them and blah, blah blah, but really, you're just poisoning yourself and putting yourself in a trap because all you're doing is abandoning yourself. And so I think the takeaway from the whole conversation is to stay mindful of are we that person that people see as selfless? Are we that person that people see as like, oh yeah, she or he is willing to do to do it for you? Like just go ask them. She'll always say yes, or he'll always say yes. But I mean, if you enjoy that. Yeah. But there's a slight kind of how you said, like with moms, if you enjoy, like doing everything for your kids. Yeah, but don't abandon yourself either. Right. You know, and I don't think. I don't know. There's just something that we're like. I don't feel people enjoy always saying yes to things. Yeah, no. You know, and maybe. I, you know. Yeah. That's true, I don't know. I mean, you can like if somebody like if somebody says if you know, somebody that says yes to everything, like in you ask them like, are you sure? And they said no. Yeah. Like, don't worry about it. Like, what are you going to do. You can't do nothing. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be like their problem. No, you have to, you have to look deep into your soul and make sure that you do want to do this. Like, you can't, like, you know, like again. No. Somebody is enjoying it. Then if you're enjoying what you're doing in your life, you truly, truly enjoy it. I feel like you're in a good place 100%. I agree with that. Well, I think that's all my voice is going to allow me to do today. Thank you guys for listening. I hope my voice doesn't sound that way. I'm sure it sounds amazing. Once again, guys, thank you for listening. If you gain something or feel inclined to share this episode, please do so. Go to our Instagram Deep Dive In podcast that's dive in the dive in and connect with us there. 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