EP 21 | From Coworkers/Friendship to Romance -- Brenda and Nancy Share how it all Started, Part 1

In Episode 21 of Deep Divin', we’re spilling the tea on how Brenda and Nancy went from coworkers to cosmic partners, with a little (okay, a lot) of life upheaval along the way. If you’ve ever felt stuck in your relationship but terrified of what might happen if you made the decision, this one’s for you.

Picture it: Brenda was technically still married, juggling the guilt, the what-ifs, and the looming unknown of life post-marriage. Meanwhile, Nancy, free as a bird, was out here manifesting a soul partner and casually roaming the world. Enter: a few work chats that turned into deeper conversations, and suddenly—boom!—they’re building the kind of soul-nourishing relationship that makes you believe in alignment again.

Brenda gets real about how Untamed by Glennon Doyle completely wrecked her (in the best way). It obliterated her old views on life, sparked her wild-woman awakening, and gave her the clarity to leave a marriage, organized religion, and the societal box she’d been stuffed into. Now, she’s thriving—and so are her kids—in a life that’s way more expansive than she ever imagined.

This episode is for anyone who feels stuck, scared of the unknown, or just needs a laugh about how life gets wild before it gets amazing. Also, if you’re thinking about finally reading Untamed, here’s your sign. We added the link here for you to purchase: Click Here 😉

Don’t forget to follow us on Instagram and subscribe to our YouTube channel for more laughs, love, and life lessons.

Keywords: Relationship Growth, Leaving a Marriage, Soul Connection, Glennon Doyle, Untamed Book, Fear of Unknown, Love Story, Relationship Transformation, Soulful Living, Self-Discovery

Hashtags: #UntamedLife #LatinaPodcast #SoulLoveStory #RelationshipGoals #LeaveTheFearBehind #WildWomanAwakening #DeepConnections #RelationshipTransformation #LatinaHealing #SelfDiscoveryJourney

*may earn a small commission off amazon associates for the Untamed purchase. 

Transcript

EP 21 | From Coworkers/Friendship to Romance -- Brenda and Nancy Share how it all Started, Part 1

 Hey guys, welcome to the Deep Dive In podcast with Nancy and Brenda. And we are back baby. Episode 20 no. Went out today. Oh yeah I Brazil 21. You know, it's it's still so exciting to me. Yeah. Um, I don't think that's ever going to change or go away, I feel. I don't think so. Just because, like, I love this. Yeah. Like, I love, I love, um, having these conversations and, like, recording and, like, putting it out there and hearing, like, or getting feedback from people, like, it's so cool. Yeah. I got a message today from somebody and they were like, let's see what this episode's about. And it was episode 14, and I was just like, l-o-l cause it was the one, um, what was it called, getting stuck in your old habits or something? Oh, I don't remember the name, but I just remember being like, l-o-l cause I remembered what we talked about. You know, I don't remember. Like. Like I said before. Like after we finished recording an episode, it's like it kind of like it's released for me. Yeah. And then that's like, I don't remember what we talk about. And I think that's a good thing, because I feel like that means that the that, um, what was said was really coming from the heart to the point where I like, you know. Yeah, that's how I feel about it. But I think I remember because like, I edited and stuff and so I listen to it a million like that's true. That is, that's why I always ask you, yeah. If you have questions about like an episode or whatever, like, did we talk about this already? Like, like, hey, that makes sense. But with this one, I know we're kind of, uh, we're kind of coming back around to this topic that we're going to talk about today. So this is very interesting. Yeah. We actually have recorded two times, um, have recorded, um, an episode about relationship. Yeah. And the first one, we just were like not feeling it and just like, hey, like we're not feeling it. No, I think we stopped midway, right? Yeah. I don't know what was going on, but the the vibe was not there. Yeah. And then the second time we went in, yeah, we went in and we were like, when we finished that, I said we were both like, damn, that was good. It was like over an hour or two, I think. Yeah, yeah. And then the stupid thing didn't record. No. So technical, technical difficulties. But it's interesting to me because it's like, huh. Like it just wasn't meant to be. Yeah. Right. So like I'm thinking, what are we just where we just. Meant to wait till this moment to see where we at. We are at, at this moment to talk about relationships from from today, from our perspective, from our perspective. Now, I can see that. So I don't know. That's what I'm telling myself. I see and I see it as like, um, or maybe the message was too powerful that like, the universe or I don't know, they didn't want it to go out, you know, that the the people ruined this, I don't know. Oh, I didn't want to tell my mom. Yeah, he lost his mom. They didn't they didn't let us put out that on, like, computador. Yeah. But, you know, relationships I feel, is a very interesting topic for us because first of all, our relationship started off very interesting. Um, and I kind of wanted to dive into, um. How our relationship started in, you know, the short. Yeah, kind of, um, short and sweet on how the short and sweet, um, on how the relationship started, just to give everybody context. Yeah. Um, but I just so we started talking 2020. Mhm. November, November of 2020. Yeah. So it's been four years. Exactly. Yeah. Um. Oh yeah. Because we're talking about this. Yeah November 14th. Yeah. Uh, 2020 was exactly when things got kind of heated a little more than spring. Uh, like no summer provider like Selena. You you were, like, versus me. A more platonic. So we started talking. So first of all, for people that don't know, like the background. Um, Brenda and I worked together remotely. Mhm. She was in Nevada and I was in California, but we worked together at the same company. Mhm. Um, that's how we met, that's how we met. And we worked together and we basically worked um, like we really worked together being on zoom. Yeah. All the time. Yeah. Because we ended up being in the same team. Yeah I manifested that shit. Okay. So we ended up being like, uh, team leads together. Right. Yeah. Um, and we were like. So we had to work together a lot more, right? Because we, we had like, 30 people on our team, I think. So we both like, manage the 30 people that were in our team. And we, we were on the phone all the time. Yeah. Mhm. So before November 2020. Mhm. We started working together like all the time. We had only started working together since September. Oh that's true. Oh 2019. Yeah, because I saw a year. Yeah, a year. It was a year. A year later. Okay. Yeah, it was a year later because we didn't start working together like, um, very closely till 2020. Yeah. When they gave me like when we became like team leaders or whatever. Mhm. Um, so anyhow, like at that time though. Mhm. You were married. Yes. With two children. Yes. We used to have the two children. But you were married with kids. Married and um then. Yeah. Like you were married, like I knew you were married. Yeah. We both knew, uh, the situation and and so I remember, um, November, every November of every year is a very like. I don't know, I reflect back on it a lot just because in November is when I really chose to make the decision to, um, tell my now ex-husband, like, I'm not in love anymore, and I actually am in love with the woman. And we have to complete and and this marriage, I'm also leaving religion slash church, and I'm moving out at the end of the year. And so that was all in one conversation. Yeah, that was all in one conversation from what I remember. Yeah, yeah. And uh, and so like in November was also when I started coming out to close people that I knew. Yeah. And it was a completely like life changing month for me. Uh, and it all started from the book called untamed. It's like, I don't know. By Glennon Doyle. Yeah, exactly. And for sharing your story. Yeah. It's so interesting though, when you say that, like, because I've always heard people say like, oh, this book changed my life. Yeah. And I'm like, well, you know, I've never really had a book that changed my life, I guess because I never experienced it that, like, impactful, like, this book can change my life. Yes. And I've heard people say that. Yeah, a lot like I have heard a lot of people say that. Yeah. And here you are. Like, it literally fucking changed your life. Obliterated my existing life into a completely new one. Like it? It was the catalyst for what I didn't even know was waiting for me on the other side. Was there something specific in that book that you remember? Yeah. What was it? What was it? When it's at, I think it's at the beginning when she talks about how her and her daughter are at the zoo and they go see this cheetah, and this cheetah is a it's a black cheetah. Her name is Tabitha, I think. And they talk about how this cheetah is in a zoo, in a cage. And they they put this piece of meat in front of Tabitha so that, like, I think it goes around, like, on a cart or something. Like what? They put that piece of meat in front of her for the cheetah to chase it. And. And Glennon shares. Like, if only she knew that. She's a goddamn powerful cheetah. Oh, shit. And she's like. But she doesn't because she grew up here and this is all she knows. And her best friend is like a dog, I think, like a Labrador or something. She's like, she doesn't know the power she has to devour that dog. And then at the after that, the daughter says, look, mom, she remembers. And it's it's her sharing how Tabitha is like sitting atop a rock or something, and she's just staring out over the fence, like staring out into the open space. And her daughter says, look, mom, she remembers her wild. And it was like in that brief moment, it's like as if she remembers, like, I'm supposed to be out there, not in this cage, is how I took it. And that passage resonated with me so much because I felt in that moment when I was reading it, like I was in that cage. And I was being like suppressed and I was they my my true power was being suppressed. And so that was the passage that really was like sparked this little feeling inside of me where I was like, I'm in a cage. And so that sparked everything else, because through the whole book, then she shares her story and stuff and, and her story is very similar to mine. Yeah. That that passage in itself was the one that was really the igniter. That's crazy. Yeah. That. Can you see why though? Yeah. Of course, because it kind of like is as if her daughter, like in the book, like, is as if her daughter was talking about like to you directly. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Like, look, she, she knows, you know, she knows like she remembers why. Yeah. Yeah. As you were remembering reading that. Yes, exactly. And now, like. And now in my life today. Yeah I'm like, I am like, I wish every woman knew that they are a wild woman. Yeah, right. And like. And I've read Women Who Run with the Wolves because that is like like it's just every woman is a wild woman. But, um. We've been led to believe that. We can't be that. That's so crazy to me. Like that part? Yeah. That's amazing though. Like, it it literally it literally changed your perception. And then from then, you know, you you started like, oh wait. What? Yeah. Yeah. And it so happened that I, uh, was the one to send you that book. No pun intended, but. And I don't think you even did it with that intention. No, not at all. I had read the book myself and I thought it was an amazing book. Mhm. Um, and I think at that time when we started talking, like we would just talk about different books that we've read and. Yeah. And we would recommend books to each other. Yeah. And I sent you one. Yeah. And I'm like oh have you read this one. And you're like, no I don't think I've heard of it. I'm like, oh, it's really good. And I sent it to you. Yeah, but I know that. I know something happened to the book I sent you. Yeah it did. Shall we share what happened to it? I think he shared. So after I said this to, uh, the ex-husband, um. He ended up going through all of my things, and one of the things he found was the book that you sent me. Obviously, he knew you sent it to me because I had shared with him that you sent it to me. Uh, and, um, and so he he was he read it. I guess he read it because he was like, is this why you think that you're into women because of this stupid book? And I remember being like, that has nothing to do with this. I'm like, it's just a book that I've been reading. But he ended up throwing away the book. Yeah, because he felt that it was because of that book that I was like, saying all of these things, that I was being influenced by this book. In a way. He was raped because it was the book that was like, you're caged in, Brenda. Yeah. And so I was like, oh yeah, I am. Um, but it's not that it was influencing my thought. Right. And so, uh, through it was opening your it was, it was providing you a different perception. Yes, yes of the life that you were living. Yeah. Because at that time it was purely a religious perception that I was in. But I feel like, um, I feel like if you're like, you were ready to receive, you were ready to receive that. Yeah. Otherwise you would send it to me. You weren't ready to receive that. Um, and you were like, in this, like, verge of a change. I was, and I just didn't know how to go about it. Yeah. Because, um, I had even shared with you how prior to us even talking or meeting, uh, I was already feeling like. For, I would say almost two years prior to that, I was feeling very like done with the marriage and feeling done with religion. And for people that don't know, I wasn't born in religion like I chose to go into religion at the age of 21. And so seven years later, I was just like, like, this is not it. So anyways, like I, I was feeling all of these things come up and all of these thoughts come in, but I just didn't know how to go about, like, just making the change for myself. Yeah. And my children. Really? And your children. Yeah. And there's a lot involved. There was a lot. I mean, there wasn't, there wasn't because. Yeah. Like, now if you think about it, it's like, oh it happened really quick. You know like, yeah, I remember I said that by the end of December, January 1st I was in my new place. Right. Yeah. Um, but it felt like. But ever. Yeah. Like, oh my God, I cannot even explain how long it felt like. It was as if time extended itself just for me. Because it felt like so long. Because every night after that moment that I shared that with him. Um, it was just an explosive argument. After that, every single night after everybody went to bed, like it was just an argument of, why are you doing this? Why are you being a homewrecker? Why are you, uh, breaking up your family? And I remember you would tell me those things, but you I because. So we started talking while you were still married? Yeah. Is the truth of it all? Yeah. Like. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it is. That's what it is. Um, and I remember that we, when we would talk like it would be like here and there sometimes in the afternoon we would talk a lot obviously during work. Mhm. But after work like it just depended because he was around and right there was fighting or like he would say stuff out of her. Yeah. Yeah. Um but how did you feel in that. Like in I'm interested to know and I don't think we've ever had this conversation, but how did you feel, um, in those moments, like where you had your husband at the time? Mhm. Um, you know, telling you all of these things, uh, you know, why are you trying to wreck our family? Um, pretty much like, you know, just blaming you for everything. Um, and then you were talking to me. How did I feel? Um, during that, I fell, I guess. I'm sorry. What? I'm trying what I, I guess what I'm trying to like. Did it make any difference if I was like, if you were talking to me, that you were talking to me or didn't like or I guess, did talking to you, I mean, is my my decisions in any way? Is that what you're saying? Maybe. Maybe that's what I'm trying to get at. Um, no, talking to you isn't what I don't feel. Talking to you influenced any of the decisions that I made. Talking to you made me realize, like, oh, this is not what I want. But it was mostly the book. Okay, so first of all, I was mostly the book, but then in the nights or the evenings where it was like the the arguments and stuff between him and I, I felt more so like I had to protect myself from all of the things that he was throwing at me. Mhm. Is more of what I was feeling during those times. Um, because I and, and what I mean by protect myself is a lot of the times when people say things to us and we agreed to it, we then internalize that and make it a belief. And that is not what I wanted to do with that. I didn't want to internalize those comments or things that he was saying and then me believing those things. It's like the whole record thing. Yeah. Like, why are you destroying our family? Yeah, that is a huge thing that is very common amongst a lot of people. A lot of people don't leave their relationships because all of that want to destroy their their family. Correct. Even though the family is already destroyed. Yeah. Like by the fact that you're not living out what you're you're meant to be living out like it's already destroyed. Yeah. And so, um, I would sit there and I would like, literally, like, be staring at him and taking in what he was saying. But then in my mind, I would be like reversing the negative with a like, no, Brenda, you're not destroying your family. You're simply choosing to go after what you want and you're choosing to show your children a different life. Yeah, you're choosing to show your children to choose themselves over anybody else. And those are the types of things that I was telling myself while he was here, telling me that I was like, the worst person ever for choosing to leave the relationship. Wow. Yeah. Where did you get that from? I would say it was like a mixture of the four agreements and I mean, understanding how subconscious works. Because in the Four agreements, it says that the moment that you agree to whatever is said and that is the moment that you make it a belief. Mhm. And so and I know that the moment that you make it a belief, your brain doesn't, doesn't know the difference between reality and non reality. Right. And so I know that the moment I make it a belief then that is the moment that my brain will acquire it. Yeah. And so that's kind of how that's not seen. I think that's a powerful thing in any like in a lot of situations. Mhm. Because you could even argue like. Mhm. And like a situation where like let's just say you teach your kids that. Yeah. You know like all the bullying and stuff that goes on or even in social media or just the, just the culture and environment that we're living in now. Yeah. There you, you are more prone to getting a negative comment if you are on social media. Yeah. Um, and there's there's a lot of that going on. And with kids being on social media and they see the negative comments, I feel like they're like kids are becoming programmed to be to to make it okay. Like if it's okay for them to be negative. Oh, I see what you mean. You know, so they go to school and then they're just like negative comments to people. I mean, I don't know if that's the case, but there's just a lot of bullying that goes on. I know my niece like sometimes says like, oh, there's another fight in school. Like there's just fights in junior high elementary, I mean, junior high high school, like all the time. Yeah. And my daughter even says like, oh, people say like you're fat all the time or like, crazy, you know, just these dumb comments that people say. Um, and that's true. Yeah. But imagine like, if that something that we teach our kids. Yeah. Hey, like, the moment you believe what the other person says, it becomes true for you. Yeah. So be careful what you believe. Yeah. That's so true. Like that's crazy. Like how how impactful that little thing could be. Yeah. Of teaching our our kids that. Yeah. Like, just because they say you're stupid if you believe it, that is. And then it is. Mhm. Yeah. That's I'm thinking of the mind blowing emoji. Right. Yeah. Like that would be so impactful. Yeah. If it's taught. Yes. Even if teachers would teach that. Yeah. Once a day. Just say once a day guys. Yeah. Like just hey like the whatever the situation like teacher she called me stupid. What do you believe that. Yeah. No, no. Well then it's not true. So here's what she says. Yeah. Fuck that. But no. So. Okay. So that's amazing. I think that's a very powerful tool. Yeah. To use. I don't think I've ever. I don't think you've ever shared that piece of information, uh, in that way. No, I didn't think it was shared. But that's a very powerful thing for for everybody really to use because it's like. Like, no. Like if you don't believe what somebody's saying, then it's not true. So it doesn't matter, right? Um. But. Yeah. So. Well, I would like to know how you were feeling during, like, while you were talking to me, knowing I was afraid of this. I was married, and I was afraid of this question. Don't don't, don't. Um. How are you feeling about it once it got, like, serious? I guess. You know what? I at first was, like, questioning my existence. Just kidding. What am I doing right now with my life? Going after this married fucking chick with two kids, Christian, blah, blah, blah, right? Yeah. Um, the whole package. Yeah, literally. I mean, mind you, like. So I was good, I was single. Yeah. I mean, my best life. You had just gotten out of a long term relationship. Uh, I was three years out of a long three years out of a long, um, relationship. Okay. Um, so I was like, I think 2019. So I got out of the relationship. August 2018. Okay. And by early 2020, I was literally like like I was literally starting to come to my own. So it was like a year and a half that not even three years, 2018, 2018. Yeah. And we started targeting 2020. Yeah. So a year and a half. Okay. Um, I was I thought it was, it was longer. Um, so I was like, you know, like the end of 2019 when I started working at Cardinal. Yeah. Mhm. Mhm. That's what I felt like, like I'm good. Okay. Um and so like that's it. Like I was good, I was doing my own thing, you know like going here, going there, going everywhere. Um, you sure were. Nobody can stop her. Nobody can stop me. So anyway, like going. So I was like, I was cool minding my own. I was really, like, in my zone. I feel during that time I was just, like, really, like, at peace and good. And I was, you know, like, doing me, um, um, I was in a really good place and I also I, I remember also had I had been doing a lot of internal work already, um, with myself, like I started going to agape, which is a spiritual center. Yeah, in LA. So I would go there like I try to go there as much as possible. If not, I would just listen in, you know, online every Sunday. So I was really like into my spirituality, like my spiritual journey at that time. And I feel that's the reason why, like, I was able to do the internal work that I did mostly. And it's interesting because I remember that by 2020, like like later to or maybe March may of 2020. Mhm. Um I remember like wanting like start started calling in a partner. Mhm. And yeah I was, I was reading a book or I forgot what I was listening to. But there is something specific that I heard and like just becoming like if you're you, you're gonna know when you're ready. Okay. And, and in that same, in that same thing that I was listening to, they were talking about how becoming the person you wanted to attract. Right. I remember you shared that with me. Yeah. So they're like, I even started writing down like. The person I wanted to attract. Um, and you know what I needed to do for myself to become that person and how I wanted to show up as a partner. Because I admitted, like my previous relationships, I didn't show up the way I should have. I feel therefore those relationships failed. Um, or they were taken too. Yeah, yeah. But therefore those relationships were lessened, right? Yeah. But, um, so when we. So when me and you started talking or when you, me and you started working together a lot, I think it was more so towards like or it was around that time may like May 2020. Um, because that's when we had like everybody came to Vegas. No, that was 2021, 2021 I think. Yeah. Like May 2020 was when you and then our other co-worker like we started getting closer. Yeah. And we just started like talking to each other more. Mhm. Um and then later like a couple months later we even exchanged like our, our phone number. Yeah. So it wasn't like mid mid 2020 where we were like exchanged our phone numbers and like got a little bit closer. And then we're in a group. Group. Yeah. But honestly, like during that time, like, I didn't like I didn't see you as anything else but my coworker. Yeah. And I think it wasn't until like we started talking to each other more one on one. Mhm. Um, is when I'm like, oh this is feeling a little dangerous. And it was like after it was like maybe September 2020 or I don't know. It was just like it just progressed. Yeah. Um, and it was just like feeling a little weird. And then I'm just like, uh, maybe like. And I would question myself. I would be like, what the fuck are you doing? And, you know, like, staying late talking to somebody about, like, uh, building an empire and, like, building businesses together, like, that's fucking dating talk or like, honeymoon talk, like, uh, like this girl's married, you know? So I would literally like I would say these things to myself. What are you doing? But I also didn't do anything to stop it. Yeah, neither of us did. Really? No, I don't think. Um, yeah. So anyway, fast forward to when we actually, like, we're texting each other and we at that point knew like this was something more than just a coworker. Friends. Mhm. Um, kind of a thing. And it's like oh we're doing this. Yeah. And then at that point I was like, Holy shit, we're doing this. And I had a moment where just like, uh, Nancy, what are you getting yourself into? Um, but it was honestly just a brief moment. Oh, okay. There wasn't like, for me, it was more so after. Um, so when you moved out and you got your own place. Mhm. And you were also starting to doing your own thing. Mhm. And I feel for me it was more so during that time um that I was questioning, like, whether I, like, we should be in our relationship or not, right. Because then at that time, we were long distance. We were long distance. Right. And we're long distance. And there was also a lot of like, I don't know, I don't I don't know what it really like. I don't know what it was, but I, I want to say that there was just a lot of unspoken, like unspoken things between us. Mhm. Um, that we were feeling or like how, you know, things that we were going through. Yeah. Because you were going through a whole last transformation. Yeah. Yeah. So I feel like I sometimes didn't know how to like, be with you in this whole transformation. So then I was like, maybe I should just leave her alone for a little bit. And I think that was the more difficult part for me. Mhm. Um, then you being married like then you being married. So was the aftermath. Yeah. Like honestly you being married didn't I. It didn't even do anything to me like well once okay. So once we were like all right we're doing this. Yeah. You being married was insignificant. Yeah. Yeah, because it's like a whole this year for the for you penalized. Yeah. But it was like whatever. Like it was insignificant. It was like if non-existent or something. Right. But obviously we still had to deal with the guy. Like we still had to deal with the whole situation. But for me, you being married wasn't wasn't like a big deal at that at that moment. Mhm. Um, or during the time that you were still with him and we would be, we were talking. Yeah. Um, it was kind of it. I'm not gonna lie, it was a little bit weird because you're, you're like, he's here or something. And I'm like, okay, I'll talk to you later. Like like fucking crazy. Yeah. And I'm like, wait, do I want to be closer? Like. Like what? But no, you assured me, like you were going to try to leave as soon as possible. Yeah. Right. So yeah. So that's how you felt. So I know I'm going all over the place, but. The weirdest. Okay, so I don't know if I want to say this, but just, like, weird dude. So I don't know, like, okay, so it was fucking weird because we had our first date. Mhm. December 5th or something. Mhm. Of 2020. Yeah. And you were still living with this guy. Yeah. And that was weird. That honestly I mean it was a cool time. It was great. Like I freaking drove out of here. I drove from California to Vegas to take you out on the date for the day. Yeah. And I met you at a parking lot of a shopping center. Yeah. And I don't know where. And we went on our date throughout the day. And then at night after dinner, I dropped you back off at your car. Yeah. And then I drove all the way back to California in one day. Ladies and gentlemen, if they don't drive states for you, I don't know if they really love you. Oh my God. But yeah, I remember. So that was. That was definitely weird. Um, well, it wasn't weird. It was a beautiful time. But I did, like on my drive home, I remember like, oh, she's at home with her husband now. That sounds weird, but that's what it was. That's what it was. But, you know, it's just the stigma that's behind it. That's why not only was it oh, it's not the stigma, it's you being. You went back to your like your house where you live with your husband. But it wasn't a stigma. It is what it was. But it was just a brief moment. It was just like, oh, she's back. Like, this is crazy. Yeah, she's back home with her husband now. But again, like me and you stayed in in constant conversation during that time. And I think, um, it was more so like your reassurance because I know that you felt like, weird yourself. Mhm. And you, you would reassure me of our, what we had going on. Mhm. Even though you were still in that living situation. Right. Um so I think that made it, you know, a little bit less difficult because I just believed you. Yeah. Cool. Not sure if that's the right thing to do there, but I think the women that believe the men that I witnessed. Yeah, that was me. That was fucking me. All the women that like the man, like, I know I'm gonna baby, baby girl. I'm gonna divorce her. Don't even worry about it. She's lady. I don't even love her. I haven't loved her in two years. And here I am believing your ass. But it felt so. It felt, like kind of weird. Yeah. I'm not gonna lie. It felt kind of weird, but for some reason, um, it went away. Like, I would think about it. Obviously, you're logically thinking about the situation and you're just like, well, this is weird. But then it would go away because I would remember like, oh, this was a good time. Or like, yeah, I guess the love, the love for it was bigger. The connection was bigger than, um, everything else, the facts. Yeah. Yeah, that's a great way to put it. Yeah. Cause I remember telling you, like, I just feel this immense connection. Right. And and it's very unexplainable. Mhm. And, uh, and it was as if, like our souls knew each other. Yeah. Type of thing. And so, but it was, but it was very interesting though like. Yeah. At the beginning the dynamic and the relationship of you and I um, I think that there was a lot of, uh, because it was a long distance, long distance relationship and also all of the changes and things that you were going through. Um. It like it was a lot to work through. Yeah, for sure. I was, um, really was. Yeah. Because I remember at the time, like like I said, I didn't know really like, how to approach the situation. I never been in this type of situation before, neither had I. Yeah, right. Like I came from a divorced household. My parents were divorced. So I understood the toll that it took on children from my personal experience. Right. But I didn't know how to maneuver through it because with my parents, they still talked. Oh, you know, and so, like, I didn't know how to maneuver through a closure where the other partner, like, hate your guts. And so, um, that's the closure. Yeah. Just FOIA, you would think, you know. Anyways, yeah. So it was very different. It was difficult for me to in the sense where. Uh, first lesbian relationship. Yeah. Divorce. Uh, not knowing how to, uh, maneuver through that with children, because that's also new to them, because they're also still a part of the religion and they're taught to hate gay people. And so it's just like, like one thing after like, yeah, all the nice things, you know? But I mean, did you feel it when you were, when you separated and you had your own place and you were doing your own thing? Did you feel overwhelmed by all of it? I didn't I didn't feel overwhelmed. Mhm. Um, it only felt overwhelming or not even overwhelming, but it only felt icky when like it was time for, I don't know, for like, it was time to for the girls to, like, switch off. Right. And yeah, like, if I was to get dropped off or picked up or whatever that was, that was like, I didn't know how to be, um, I didn't know, like, how to be with you, with the girls around. Like, that was a whole new thing. So it only got overwhelming when the moments came up where I had never been in those types of moment. Yeah. Uh, but other than that, I was, like, living my life. I was like, hiking every day, taking my dog for a walks, going to CrossFit, like doing you, doing me, and really expanding into this new little butterfly that I didn't know I was. Yeah yeah yeah that's true. Mhm. You're like I'm free. Wait what I would ask is your cage any more. What else is there to do. CrossFit. What is that. Let me try it. Brenda, you want to go hiking? Hell, yeah. What is that? Yeah. What do you do on the hike? Oh, you walk up this fucking mountain? Yes, I want to do that. Yeah. I've never been to a mountain before. Yeah. It was also like. Yes, yes, yes, I love it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Um, yeah. So then obviously we, we were long distance for a good time and then we moved in together. Yes. Right. So that was a whole new segment of our lives because I feel that it can be very overwhelming when you move in with a new person into the same home. Yeah. Uh, and that being when I was, when that happened, I had come from a religion where they didn't believe in living together before, like like while dating. Yeah. And so. But did you still believe that when I moved in? No. So what I'm trying to say is that I never experienced it before, so. Well, yeah. Because you were just your first move in together or you lived with your husband or your ex-husband. Um. Like prior to that relationship, did you have another relationship where you live together with your partner? No. Okay. Yeah. Got it. Yeah. So it was a new experience and that aspect as well. Yeah. So we were long distance for almost two years. Almost two years. Yeah. Because it's only been two years that you've been out here I think. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah. So that was crazy. Yeah. How did you feel about that being long distance? Oh yeah. It's. Yeah. Mhm. I'm trying to remember because I feel like it was so long ago. Mhm. But sometimes it was like a lot. Mhm. It was a lot like not like having to drive back and forth. Yeah. The traveling sometimes was a lot. And that obviously like um not only that but I feel like the connection sometimes be lower than other times. Mhm. Because of the long distance. Mhm. And we just get frustrated I feel like with us not being able to see each other. Yeah. Um for whatever reason, like you had the girls or I couldn't come because I was going to do something else or whatever the reasons were. But. But I think I, I think we did the best we could like. At the same time, though, I feel I feel like it was a lot of fun. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. I felt I still felt very close to you. Yeah. Yeah. Even though I was long distance, I felt like even though our communication was still growing at that time. Mhm. Uh, or developing, we had a good sense of communicating at the time. Um, like we'd stay in touch with each other and like we'd FaceTime and you'd send stuff like to know that, you know, you were thinking about me and I was saying, you like lunch or coffee or. Yeah, whatever. Like. Yeah. And so I think you're right. Like. Yeah. Like so yes. Like we we made it interesting. I feel we had so much fun. I just remember having so much fun. Yeah. Same I don't even know how. Yeah I'm like, how do we do so many things? Like. Yeah, I think we have now, I don't know. Um, I don't know, but it was so much fun. I really enjoyed it. It was definitely challenging at times, but but for the most part, for me, I know that we did the best we could. Yeah. Um, giving the situation. And I think that's why, like, we were able to continue to be together. That's true. That's why we're still here. Yeah. Because we we started long distance and we made that work. So we were like, okay, well, it could only get better than this. Yeah. Little did we know, living together was gonna be harder. I can't be long distance. I feel that same way. Yeah, and we could do episode number two. Yeah. On this, um, because we're like, uh, 50 minutes. okay. But, um, but yeah, I think so. I feel that we would do second part. Let's do a second part to this because okay, I feel like it's definitely worth talking about. Um, when I moved in, uh, and those are the things that like, the things we had to get through, um, once I moved to to Vegas. All right. In our relationship. So go to the next episode. Stay tuned for the next episode. Once again, guys, thank you for listening. If you gain something or feel inclined to share this episode, please do so. Go to our Instagram Deep Dive In podcast that's dive in the dive in and connect with us there. Comment, share, post. We appreciate the support so much and we will catch you on the next one.