EP 32 | Don't Believe Everything You Think

Ever stop and question if the thoughts in your head are actually yours? Yeah, same. In this episode, we unpack how so many of our beliefs aren’t even ours to begin with—we inherit them from our parents, our culture, and even the vibes of our mom’s nervous system before we’re even born. Wild, right?

Brenda has a major aha moment live on air when she realizes that religion taught her to believe her heart was deceitful, which basically had her second-guessing herself her life.

This convo will have you reflecting on your own beliefs and asking: Is this actually mine, or did I just download this from someone else? And more importantly—how can I reprogram my mind to think for myself?

A deep, eye-opening chat with a few laughs along the way. Hit play and let’s deconstruct the BS together. 

Keywords/Hashtags:

#MindsetShift #BreakTheCycle #ReprogramYourMind #SpiritualAwakening #HealingJourney #InnerWork #QuestionEverything #HighVibeLiving #UnlearnAndRelearn

Transcript

EP 32 | Don't Believe Everything you Think 

Hey guys, welcome to the Deep Dive In podcast with Nancy and Brenda. And we are back, baby. Hi. Hello. How are you feeling, Nancy? Mhm. How I think that's a go to question. Oh now you don't like it when it says to you. I mean it's like, um, you know when somebody asks like how are you feeling? It's such a loaded question I feel. Yeah. Depending on the moment too. Yeah. Because you could be like oh I feel good right now, you know. Yeah. But when you don't feel good, it just feels like, fuck you. Don't ask me that shit right now. You know? Like, I don't want to tell you how I'm feeling. I don't want to feel the way I feel. And if I tell you the way that I'm feeling. You're just making me think about how I'm feeling. Oh, my God, I can see why. Okay. Uh. It does. I mean, it gets to you sometimes. No, it never gets to you. The question. Yeah. No, because I'm all for it. Like saying I know you are. Yeah, I know, like, if somebody asks me how I'm feeling, I'm like, oh, man, you know, today's like, shit or something. I'm just glad somebody asked me so I could tell that. Well, that's how me and you differ. Yes, because I'm just like, just leave me the fuck alone. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, introvert. Go into my little cocoon. Yeah, but here we are. Yeah, it's crazy because. Like February is already done. Yeah, January was forever. Many years. And February was like one day. Yeah, but what is time, right? Yeah, that's what I'm trying to teach the eight year old. Time is not real time. It's not real. Whatever. What is time? Time is nothing. It's not real, guys. Yeah, I know. But, you know, I wanted to. I wanted to talk about, like, some shit. It's always some shit. But first of all, I wanted to talk about or wanted to say, like, how how proud I am of us. And we talked about this, you know, like yesterday, we're like, oh, we're proud of ourselves. Yeah. But I think, I think in our life, like, we never really stop and say like, oh, I'm proud of myself. It's very rare. It's very rare that we default to the negative for whatever reason, instead of like, giving ourselves props for the things that we've accomplished or how far we know we've come. Yeah. So I did want to say, like, I feel proud of us at this very moment for the things that we're working on, for the things that we've already worked on and for the things that we we have accomplished together and individually. And I think it's it's amazing, you know, like this journey is definitely is definitely like it's it's hard. And you know what it got me thinking like. I understand now. I understand why people why we stay in the comfort zone and following the crowd and following the herd and following, you know, the way that we were told to live our life like go to school, you know, the traditional shit. I understand why it's very hard for people to go, like, go a different way. Why do you understand? Because it's fucking hard. It's very hard. You really have to work on a daily basis to UN program yourself. And when you think that you've already like, you know, straight away from the way society wants us to live, like, nah, motherfucker, you're still in it. Yeah. Like you still have some programming there that you need to fucking UN program for you to step to the next level, like so I understand. I feel like it brings forth, like, a sense of compassion. Yeah. For the people. Yeah. Yeah. Because. Yeah. At least because we've made it so. Because the powers to be right has set up our society so good, so fucking good and understood human programming. And they understood this. I feel they understood this so good that they set up a system. The Rockefellers, for example, or the actually Rockefeller was the one that started the whole, um, educational system. And he wanted it to be like a, a factory worker system. So that's why we started to go to school from. Um, later came from kinder. So 8 to 3, whatever. So I understand, like they made it so fucking good and programming so good that it's so hard to stray away from it. Yeah, and think of the word kindergarten that you said, right. I read a book and it's about the words that are used and how they have power over us. Yeah. And, um, in that book is it talked about the word kindergarten. And when you split that word up, I forgot what the word kinder meant. But the word garden, if you think about it, a garden, you grow things right, you fertilize and you grow things. And so our children start going to school at kindergarten age, which is when they begin to fertilize and they begin to set them into the ways that they wanted to, like, build people into, for them to fit into a society. Yeah. You know, so it's like it's a garden to program your child to be a certain way because that's when they're capturing all the information. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's why I'm saying like that's just a little nugget there. Well it's just it's, it's crazy to me because, um, it's not crazy. I mean, it's completely it's just what it is. It is what it is. Yeah. But it once you start the work on removing yourself from that in, in essentially going a different way than what society has made us to be. You. I like I could, I could understand it. I could understand why, you know, it's so difficult to get away from it or to do something else because it's just been established to the core. Yeah. Of, of of humans. And it's extremely difficult to it is extremely. I'm, I'm, I am not like I'm honestly it is extremely difficult, at least for me. Yeah. In my experience, it's just been extremely difficult. Um, and it's just the beginning. Yeah. And I and just for reference, guys, I think, like, what you're pointing to or what you're speaking about is it's extremely difficult to follow your dreams. Yes. Right. Yeah. And instead of, like, being stuck in whatever it is, you're stuck. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. It's very difficult to follow your dreams and go after your passion and go after what you want and not what other people have told you to do. And all of the things that's that's what we're meaning by the conversation. Yeah. Because it. Thank you for that. Because you you're following uh, like I said, I've said it before like it's there's no blueprint to it. No. You know, is it. There's no there. Like, you don't know what your next step. You're just making this shit up as you go. But that's the exciting part about it that you're just creating. Yeah. You get to do and create like whatever. But then you also have to, um, program yourself from the uncertain, like. UN programme yourself from the thoughts that come in of like, oh, you're fucking up, you're not being responsible like all of these things. And, and those thoughts are like embedded. Yeah. Embedded in me. Like I feel sometimes. Like what? Like it's it's crazy because, like, okay, so with me, um, you know, following my dreams and following what I really want to do in life and it being of service and like, you know, building a community and all of these things. I mean, I'm all like the thoughts also come in of like, well, Nancy, like you need a, you know, have a stable income, right. Uh, you need to be responsible, you know, with the things you have to pay, like you have monthly bills coming in or whatever, and those things can eat you up. Um, and it's like a Monday and you're not clocking in. What the fuck are you doing with your life? Yeah. And that those are thoughts that literally come in and obviously these these are all programmed thoughts. So it makes it extremely difficult. Because those thoughts can consume you. Thankfully, like I've learned to in those moments of overwhelm this or spiraling, um, out of control thoughts like I remember to breathe and ground myself and meditate and bring myself back to center, I call it. Yeah, which allows me to get a clearer picture of or basically connects me back to what I want. Right. Uh, who I am. Yeah. Remind you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And and this and everything that you're saying kind of leads us into the topic of today. Yeah, that's what I was doing. Yeah, you're really good at that. I'm just like, let's get into it. Um, so thanks for that intro. It leads us into the topic of today's episode, which I think kind of goes, I was thinking about this on the way here. It kind of goes hand in hand with last week's episode. Um, I forgot what it was again. We're losing control. Yeah, we're losing control. Um, because this week we want to talk about, in a sense, sabotaging beliefs. Yeah. Um, the sabotaging language that appears for us in our mind and how to determine, like, how to become aware of that language that comes in, how to maybe shift it and how to begin working through that. Right. Because the sabotaging beliefs are huge. Like it is a huge thing, especially if you're someone who wants to leave corporate America and wants to pursue their passion, like your belief system has to be strong. Yeah, in order for you to make it pretty much is how I feel. Yeah. Uh, do you feel the same way? Yeah, yeah, 100%. Yeah. And so, um, and I know it's kind of like a conversation that we had yesterday also about it. So let's get into it. Um, the I guess the first thing that I wanted to kind of maybe ask you is when you hear when you have these, like, things come into your mind, right? Like, oh, you're not clocking in on a Monday. What are you doing with your life, for example? Right. Do you hear somebody's voice in those comments? And if you are open to sharing, like or you don't have to say who it is, but like, you know, kind of say, do you believe that it's your belief or somebody else's? Yeah, it's definitely somebody else. Like I feel like it's like society, whether it be like my family or, um, I just feels it because it doesn't. I don't align with it because I don't believe I personally don't believe that there you have to have a 95. Like I don't believe that that's that that's the only way to live. Yeah. So I am very aware of my belief system within like what I'm trying to do. Um, but the thoughts that come into my mind or the programming I know is from things I've heard. So it's kind of like outside coming, like the thoughts that come in is. Like hearing people say, like, what are you doing? Like, you know, the judgment that you get. And so, like the judgment that you get because you hear you hear the different things. Right? So for me, it's more so I know that I'm doing the right thing for myself. Yeah, I know 100% in my soul, in my heart. I know that I'm doing the right thing for myself. But the thoughts that come in when you are like in your head for me, are like everything that I've heard growing up, you know? Yeah. Um, so. Yeah. What about for you? For me, I think it's more of, uh, the societal, uh, belief system. So, for example, like, one of the things that I'm still currently working through is that you're not being responsible because I have kids. Right. And so one of the beliefs that, or one of the thoughts that come into my mind is you're being irresponsible by choosing to follow your passion instead of being responsible and doing the right thing, quote unquote. Yeah. And having a stable income to make sure everybody's taken care of. Right. So what I hear in that is like kind of society's view of what a responsible parent needs to be, because like in my in my upbringing, like my mom or dad never really told me, like, you need to be responsible, right? Like it wasn't a thing. Like, if anything, my mom always ventured into, like, what she wanted to do. Yeah. So she was never, like, that type of person. And, um. Maybe came from my dad. I would think about it. Yeah, maybe it's my dad. Your dad was more structured. Like we're not structured, but, like, the safety guy. Yeah, yeah. Like, right now he's building a house in El Salvador, and he doesn't want to quit his job because he's scared that he's not going to have money. Yeah. You know, but it's like, well, dad, if you want to live over there, you gotta figure it out over there. Yeah, but that's not him. And so maybe it's from my dad's side. You know, like my dad's beliefs. Like you're being irresponsible by choosing to follow your heart. Yeah. And and, uh, also. Oh, actually, you know, with that saying that out loud, follow your heart. When I was in church, um, one of the things that they would say is, don't follow your heart because your heart is deceitful. What? Yeah. What? The Soviets from that. Oh my God. Yeah. What do you mean? They would say that. Yeah. There's like a scripture in the Bible that they go off of and they say like something about, like the heart is deceitful. And so they would say like, don't follow your heart. So what are you supposed to follow the pastor, I guess. And where does the pastor follow? I don't know. Oh my God. Okay, so so now that I'm talking this out loud because I process things better, talking about it out loud, right? Yeah, yeah. Go ahead sir. Wait. So now that you said that out loud and you like, you're like, Holy shit. It was a realization that this came from church as well. Yeah, because they said don't follow your heart. It was a big. Aha. Do you, do you remember, like, if you ever doubted that. Like what? You just followed that like. Oh don't follow the don't follow your heart I just followed like don't trust the heart. Lean on God. Um, but isn't God the heart? Yeah, we are God. So yeah, yeah. Trust me, religion is all sorts of fucked up, but I didn't question it when I was there. Do you remember, like, what you did? Like, was that confusing to you? Do you remember if that was confusing? Like, no, it's not confusing when you're in there. What? Yeah. Because they tell you to lean on Jesus Christ, right? Okay. Like, everything you do is on Jesus. Poor Jesus, man, that food has invested a day in his fucking death. Yeah, like my children come home and they're like, my body healed because of Jesus. Yeah. And like, no guys healed because your body is miraculous. Like, you know, there's all this shit that they like. Tell them. Yeah. And so now. So, yeah, in talking this out, I feel like I, I feel very deeply that the reason why I have this belief that comes up for me, that I'm being irresponsible is because I am choosing to follow my heart, and I am choosing to follow that which sets my soul on fire. Yeah. And so for and for all of your life, specifically the time that you were in church and prior to that, your dad's, um, programming, you know, kept you. Separate from that, right? Yeah, yeah. Kept me separate from what my heart wanted. Yeah, yeah. And so I can't believe they say that it hurt. I'm sorry. I'm still in shock because that is ridiculous. Yeah, it really is. Yes. Because it's pretty much telling you, like. Like fuck your desires. Yeah. Fuck your dreams. Yeah. Like follow the herd, follow the herd. And so do they say like the church specifically when you're in there, like, do they, um, preach like having a job, like your career. Like, do they tell you you have to also, like, have a job or. Like what? Um, yeah. They I mean, they tell you, like. And I think this came specifically because of how the leader of the church was the pastor, the specific church you went to. Yeah. And he he had, like, a job and like, he wasn't a risk taker. He was very like, you know, conservative stuff. So obviously that gets passed down to whoever he is leading. Wow. And so, um, I feel that's why there was that vibe there at that church. Yeah. Because the people that choose to go the entrepreneurial route, I chose to go the entrepreneurial. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Yeah. But there is very few of us. And they would look down upon us when we had to go do whatever we had to do for our business. Yeah. They would look down upon the people that, like, missed the service or like didn't go to like a group potluck or something because they weren't there so they would look down upon them. So you're saying that when you were in church you did go the entrepreneur. Mhm. That's a nice life insurance. That's when you did life insurance. Um, and you were building your business within the life insurance group. Um but they frowned. Upon you because you would miss church events. Yeah, like church events or. And I was very good at, like, managing my schedule to not miss church services. Wow. Yeah. So because I would I was, I was actually not scared, but I was like I didn't want people to look at me like that, you know, like to look down upon me because I missed the church service. So wait, but. Okay. I'm sorry. We're going down this rabbit hole, but this is crazy to me because I know the life insurance business, and I know how that world is. Um, and they also judge you and frown upon you if you miss their events. Yeah. So how though, like, you're literally people over 100% of the time. Yeah. Because you didn't want to disappoint your church people. Yeah. And then you didn't want to disappoint your business leaders, right? Because you couldn't miss. I know how, like, I was in it to, like, you couldn't miss, like. Yeah. So you were. You got between a fucking rock and a hard place. Yeah. But, you know, now that I've experienced that, I felt that it was a mirror in my life. Um. How so? So I was in religion. Actually. I started both of them around the same time. I started life insurance first, and then a few months later, I started going to church. And so I feel that my life at that time, what was happening in my life, was just a mirror of how I was at that time. So I was willing to people, please, therefore, I was put into these organ, these environments where that's all I was doing. Yeah, right. I was like. I don't know, like, um, I'm trying to think of other ways to to explain that I was just being given back that which I was in myself. Yeah. And so, um, or what you knew to be at that time. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And so, so those two, um, those two experiences, like being in the life insurance business and being in religion at the same time, molded a lot of my belief system, especially because at the time that I was there, it's like another crucial moment of a woman's brain development. And so, um, so I, I feel like the final, you know, obviously our brains are still, you know, learning things and all that stuff, but the, the development aspect, peace, like the completion of the brain isn't done until like 25 or 28 or something like that for a woman. And, um, so you were still and I was in, in that development while you were between church and building the business through, like, a spectrum. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And on top of that, you know, I had recently told you like that. I watched a video on how we acquire our mother's nervous system. Yeah. You know, and so, like, there's all of these things, like the, like, you know, we acquire. Let me do step by step. Yeah. Hold on. That's a lot. That's a lot. So that's crazy. Um, first of all, like, that makes a lot of sense where you were removed from following your heart or following your dreams because you were in the middle of, um. Well, the church was telling you, don't follow your dreams. And then you had a business. You you were in this, um, pursuing a business. And I'm assuming that it wasn't also, like it wasn't really following your dream. No, it was just an opportunity that you received, and it's like it's a very good opportunity. So let me go for it. Um, so it was like these two things that you were doing, but at the same time, you were young, you were 21. Yeah. 21. And stepping into these very big, I feel, um. Very big influences in your life where your brain is still developing. Mhm. And you're like also in a relationship and you're also um, you also got married and I got married within like a year after starting church because they said I was a sinner. If I didn't then I had a kid. Yeah. Had another kid. Yeah. But like, you were like in the beginning. Like in your early 20s. You were in all of these different structures and managing. Trying to manage, I guess. Yeah. You know, the best I could. Yeah, the best you could. But I mean, it's understandable. And it's crazy because, like, now if you could, if you would compare yourself today to the person you were when you were 22, for example, uh, what would be the biggest like thing? Oh, the biggest thing of what? The biggest difference. Oh, the biggest difference is, uh, the biggest difference is my awareness. Mhm. And you know, having the. Actually choosing for myself and not just going into it because somebody is like, you should come or like you should try this mirror, you know? Yeah, like now it's actually voicing what I want. But the biggest difference is that I voiced what I want. Now you're not just following. I'm not just following you. I'm like, if I don't want to do that, like, I'm not going to do that. Yeah. You know, and for actually for the longest time I kept like, it's been several years that I don't sell life insurance anymore. Right. And I kept that license active for a lot of years. And it was just this past November that I got the letter that it was going to expire. And I was like, I'm not going to keep this anymore. And I kept it because I didn't want to let people down because it was those thoughts. Yeah, those those thoughts or the influence thoughts. Yeah. Talking about I didn't want to let people down and I was just like, I don't like it's okay. Like I could just keep renewing it, you know? Yeah. Because I knew it helped other people as well. And, and so I was just like, oh, just keep it like it's not that big of a deal. And then finally, like this at the end of this last year, I was like, no, like, I'm not gonna keep it. Yeah, I don't care for it anymore. Like, I'm not gonna keep it. Just whatever. Right. So, so the, the and these are the, the thoughts that we're talking about like the people pleasing the like it's all I feel like it's, it comes from all the programming. Yeah. Right. And I keep saying that because it, I think it's um, programming and programming right now are the biggest things for me because I realized that there's still a lot of, um, programming that I need to do because of the thoughts that I've been having come up as I'm following my dream. And so there's I've realized like how like deep like I was saying, like how deep it is embedded in my, like, veins and in my blood and my. Yeah. And and then in my, um, nervous system. Uh, I know you mentioned just right now, like, how we inherit it, like we inherit our mother's nervous system. Yeah. What does that mean, though? Well, simply put, it's like when we're in the womb, um, all of the feelings that our mom experiences while we're in the womb, they pass on down to it. Um, so, like all of her anxiousness, all of her worries, all of the stress form, chemical reactions in her body, and those chemical reactions go into us because we're connected to her through the womb, the cord. Right. So her nervous system becomes our nervous system. And then on top of that, whatever we learn in life also comes into our nervous system. Whatever happens to us in our life also comes into our nervous system. So we have her shit plus our shit. So that leads me to say, like, you know, in, in, um, sometimes, like, I, I would get, like, these jealous thoughts. And I was never, like, one to be jealous in relationships until I got with you, like, the feelings of jealousy came up, but, uh, the feelings of jealousy would come up. And it wasn't until recently like that I started becoming aware of. Those are not my thoughts. Yeah, those are my moms. Thought my mom was very like that. And maybe still is, I don't know, but I'm like, no, that's the shit my mom went through when she was pregnant, you know? And I even look at my sister. And because my mom went through a lot of shit when she was pregnant with my sister and I'm like, oh, shoot, right? But like, my mom is a very jealous person and she's a very like all of these things. And so I'm like, that's not me. And so in that moment I'm like, no, like I don't care. Like, yeah, you know, like it's uh. It makes me very aware of am I feeling this because this is how I am? Or am I feeling this because this is something that my nervous system remembers from whatever. Yeah, and that's where I choose and make the decision to be like, no, this is not my thought. This is what my thought is. And then I reaffirm that in my brain to myself so that my brain can then like, hear it and be like, okay, this is not our thought. And then slowly, little by little, that's how we reprogram. Yeah. But in that moment, like identifying that that's not your belief. Right. And it's interesting because you say that like one of the things I came up to, came up for me is we actually do that a lot. We are like, I know for me, I'm like, where did that come from? Like, why am I like this? Oh yeah, you do like why, why am I, why am I being this way or where? Like I asked myself those things because sometimes I don't know. Yeah. I'm like, wait, what the fuck? You know? And that makes a lot of sense. I don't know, you know. Exactly. I've never sat down with my mom and asked her, like, what she was up to when she was pregnant with me, but I could assume it wasn't any like it wasn't a, you know, a perfect, beautiful situation just based on my family's history. But I could understand, like when you feel like you're being something or you're you're feeling a certain way that you don't relate to is because it could possibly be something that we inherited from our, our mom's trauma or our mom's nervous system during the time that we were in her womb. Yeah. And and also like. Like we don't have to know, you know, like, yeah, yeah. Is it mine or is it my mom's or just somebody else's? Right. I think in that moment it's like, well, it doesn't matter where it's from. This is not me, right? I don't it's just identifying. Yeah. Identifying that it's not your belief. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. And then what's one of the things that actually I feel has helped me a lot is and I've mentioned this before, is the really asking myself these questions about what my beliefs are in certain things. If I'm having trouble in those, in those subjects. Right. Um, because I feel like I said, like sometimes I think like, why am I why am I being this way? Why am I feeling this way if I don't believe that? Like, like like the whole 9 to 5 thing? Yeah. Those thoughts that come into my mind, they're like, go fuck that. So you're not clocking in on a Monday. You have to be productive. You know, you're what are you doing with your life kind of a thing. And it doesn't let you appreciate like you're like, those thoughts don't let you appreciate, right? Yeah. The what you're doing. Um, but in those moments, it's the moments that you have to be like, they might do I believe that. Do I believe that the only way that I can live is by having, you know, a 9 to 5 and having and living, you know, the societal way of living. Um. And really, like, dive deep into that. And like you were saying and having something to replace that with. And I think that's the part that I've told you, like I've been missing is the I literally like I yes, I go into asking myself these questions and ask myself like, do I believe that or not? And I realize, like writing it down. Um, I'm aware of what I believe, but I miss I've missed the step of reprogramming myself by telling myself out loud, like, this is my belief. Yeah. Uh, and continuing to do that whenever that thought comes up. Yeah, exactly. Because that's what like repetition. Repetition is what reprograms you. Yeah. So yeah. So I, I realized yesterday when we were having this conversation, I'm like, oh that's the part I'm missing. Reprogramming myself. Yeah. Um, By saying out loud what I believe in. Mhm. Mhm. And not just letting because sometimes like you have the thoughts that come into your, come into your mind. Yeah. Um and I identify the thoughts like oh here we go. Like you know I'm thinking this and I identify it, I'm aware of it. Like I'm aware that that's not what I believe. But I let it just go. And, you know, you continue doing what you're doing, and you I just let it go. And I haven't, like, I don't say out loud what my belief is. Uh, so that's why it continues to come in. Yeah. Because I'm not saying and establishing to myself and programming myself what I believe in. Right? I just know what I believe in, but I'm not saying it to myself. Mhm. I just let the the thought linger and then I continue, I forget about it or it goes away because I continue doing what I'm doing during the day. Right. But I'm not reprogramming myself. So. Noted. Beautiful. Beautiful. It's a beautiful thing to acknowledge that for yourself. Yeah, yeah, because I'm like, why does this keep like, why do I keep thinking, like, I don't believe this. You know, sometimes I'm just mad at me. Like, I get mad at myself or frustrated. Yeah, it's frustrating because it's those beliefs are still there and I'm just like, what the fuck? Like, why am I still thinking the same thing, you know? Um, but that's why. Because I'm. Because I'm not. You mean doing it? Yeah. We're we're it's just the same. Yeah. So stupid. This is the kind of shit that we have to fucking do to reprogram ourselves, to follow our heart. To follow our heart? Yeah. Just a little thing like. Oh, we just want to follow our heart, you know, and create shit and bring people together and show love and community and all of these things. But we just have to go through all this shit to do it, you know? No biggie. It's crazy because that's why it goes back to what I was saying earlier is like, how? How? Um, perfectly. They, uh, established this, um, like the how society was perfectly established, right? Because, like I said, like it all of these things that we're mentioning, um, are obviously programming things that, like, we start from kindergarten or from, you know, when we they're little. And here we are, like, trying to, like, we still have these thoughts that come up. We still have these things that we still have, you know, the, um, the fight and then the finance, the finance, um, you know, the money portion of all of this is like another fucking beast mode. Um, this is just our thought aspect of things. Yeah. Like we're we have our thoughts and our programming, but then we have, like, you know, the money aspect of things because it's like material, the material like, holy shit. Like, well, how can we monetize this? Yeah. And then we're like, pay bills unfortunately. Yeah. Like, how do we like, monetize this dream of ours? Yeah, like, but you know what? I honestly in the I feel like in the stage that we're in, um, I'm very grateful for like, all of the internet stuff. Like I'm really grateful even for this podcast, for example, like the, the thing, the ability to be able to do something like this. Um, and I mentioned this before, like we could literally like, just create content and, um, you know, help people as well, maybe see things from a different perspective. Yeah. And hopefully, you know, help people just be an awareness and live a better life. That's true. Um, but I'm grateful for I'm grateful for the place that we're in right now as a society, as far as I should rephrase that, because there's a lot of shit that's going on and people are going to be like, what? I mean? Yeah. So I know that. Okay. So I know that there's a lot going on in the world with the politics and all that shit, right? Yeah. I, for one, do not engage in that completely, like I'm aware of what's going on, but I don't let it do anything to me, or it doesn't do anything to me because I know it's out of my control. Right? There's nothing I can do or say that is going to change what these other individuals, these other individuals are going to do. The only thing I can do in control is myself, right? Right. And my actions and my whatever. I do so insane that I'm very grateful for where we are as far as like social media and having that access, because we could be a voice for the opposite side of what's going on. Yeah. And and I feel like that's what's needed. And I am very grateful for that. Even though, you know, there's, there's so many people and, and probably like nine out of ten people that we that you communicate with are probably going to be like, oh shit, all this shit's going on like nine out of ten people. I feel this is just a statistic I'm making up in my head. But this is based off of the people I follow, like my like my circle of people that I follow, like on Instagram, whether it be family, family, friends, you know, or acquaintances, people that I follow. Right. Based on what I see, um, and what people post and talk about, it feels like that statistic is accurate to me. So that's where I come from. That's where I get it from. I feel like nine out of ten people, if you go up to them and like you start talking to them about, you know, life or whatever. Nine out of ten are going to say like, oh, there's a lot of shit. Like, we're. Like everything's broken and everything's like going to how and like, you know, all the things. Yeah. And I want to be that 10th person to help change the other nine person's perspective of where we are in life, because you could and get people to understand, like if you don't pay attention to it, then it's not going to affect you. And if you just focus on what you could control, right? Focus on you, focus on what you could control, on your actions, on doing the things that you want to do. None of that's going to matter. Mhm. Yeah. Because at the end of the day all we could do is control ourselves. Yeah. And um and I know for me the more I pay attention to what's going on out there in the world. Yeah. Uh, it's, uh, it, it brings me down the more I pay attention to it. Like how you're saying, like if you if you remain in awareness of what's going on, but then, like, you don't have to pay attention to it all the time, just stay informed or let it consume. Don't let it consume you. Yeah. Don't let it consume you like there's people you have conversations with about the political stuff. And then they start getting mad. And I'm just like, there's no reason for you to get mad. There's a lot of emotions. Yeah, there's a lot of emotions. Yeah. So that's why that's that's why I'm saying like nine out of ten people. Yeah. I are being like ah, obviously you can tell who's letting it affect them or not because of the way that they, they interact or the information that they share themselves. Because obviously. I feel like in social media you share something because it made you feel a certain way. Mhm. So like I, I like to share the things that make me feel good. Mhm. I like to share things that are inspirational or motivational um as well. Mhm. And that's, that's really what I all I share. Yeah. My social media. Um I, I don't like to share anything, anything other than that. And I feel um, because I feel called to sharing those things. Yeah. And, and I feel like with people like you could tell when people are emotional or, you know, feel a certain way of what's going on. But that's why I'm saying, like, you can only control your actions that you're having. And I think we already have so many things as an individual going through our minds and sabotage thoughts, and we really going through all of these things. Don't put yourself in a situation where you're like also being influenced by the media and like what's going on because you already have a lot of shit. Yeah, you inherited your mama's system, bro. That alone is a bunch of shit. Oh, yeah. So, like, you're just piling on. I feel like. So as an individual, I feel like we're piling on stuff to her. And we do that to ourselves. We pile on on top of each other and never like. And we never process anything. And we never, uh, become aware of anything. We never, you know. These things need to happen for ourselves, and we need to do these things for ourselves to be at peace. And I think we layer as as an individual human society, whatever you want to say, we pile on things on top of each other. For example, if you're a mom with the family and like, you know, household and all of those things, you're literally like piling on all these things. So you're piling on being a mom, right? You're piling on your job, your your relationship with your spouse. And then you have maybe immediate family, like brothers and sisters that have shit going on that you also take that on. Mhm. And then you pile on, um, work problems and blah blah blah. You pile on your finances, you pile on politics, you pile on like all of the things that you hear in the media that you know, are going on and affecting other people because you just feel bad for, for it. So you're piling on all of these things. You fucking feel out of control. Yeah, yeah. Because of all of this shit that we pile on each other and then you don't speak to anybody about it. Yeah. And you're just like on TikTok scrolling because you're numbing your emotions. Exactly. And that kind of gives you some sense of control. Yeah. Because you're able to control how many scrolls exactly. And the like, you're like, oh, I like this. Yeah. You know, since the endorphin release. Exactly. So I mean, just keep that honestly, I know it because I know I've been there. I know that that's what we do for like that's what we do in our society. There's a lot. Nine out of ten people are living that way. Yeah, I believe it. And I believe that, you know, there's also the peoples that are trying to not be like that. Yeah. And they just don't know where to begin. Yes. And they don't know how to begin. And and how do they begin? I know you have an event coming up. Well, I do actually. So I have AA2 day weekend, uh, retreat group workshop. And it's at the end of March on. It's on a Saturday and a Sunday, I think it's March 29th and 30th, the last week of March, and it's for five hours each day we dive into the things of learning how to begin doing certain things to begin reprogramming yourself. Yeah, this episode that we're doing sabotaging beliefs, we go deeper into sabotaging beliefs and the verbiage that you hear in your mind, like, who does that belong to? Right? How to determine that, how to reprogram that, learning how to journal. You know, you you you mentioned journaling and and I think you did, you know, learning how to journal, but not just write stuff down, learning how to journal with the purpose of diving deeper into one cell. Yeah. Um, I know for me, journaling was kind of like, what the hell? Like, when I first met you, I was like, how do you journal? You know, yeah, I remember we yeah, I was like, I remember you mean you. Yeah. Like, what do you ask yourself? I remember this was I remember that that conversation clearly in my mind. Yeah. And so, um, you know, and I had heard about journaling and I, but I never understood it because I never knew how to journal. Yeah. And so, you know, learning how to journal, we learn we will learn how to journal and how to ask ourselves deep these questions that will allow us to go deeper into ourselves, to also begin reprogramming the parts of ourselves that we know is not us. It's no, it's not who we want to be learning how to, you know, meditate. A lot of people think that you go sit in a room in silence for ten, 20 minutes, and honestly, that's not the case. Meditation is different for everybody. And so it's about finding that practice that you like. Yeah. And so learning how to meditate. Right. Um learning what is what. Is suitable for you. And so in this two day retreat, we are going to do that. And um, it's limited. It's maxed out at ten people. It's going to be private. We're going to do a breathwork session, um, that is going to activate some, some psychedelic chemicals within our brain to help us release some of that shit as well and find out, like what else is suppressed in our body. Um, you're going to receive a sound bath and we're going to, you know, sit with those with that group of ten people, um, and really just get to witness each other, because at the end of the day, you know, a lot of people, I feel, um, have turned to healing by themselves, healing in isolation. And they think that that's the way it is. And for a period of time, like, yeah, it's okay to be in like processing all that on your own stuff. Yeah. But at one point you then need community. Yeah. And that's where I am right now. Yeah. I've been in isolation. Healing. Yeah. Um, for quite some time. And I'm now in the. Okay, I need to I need to, um, get out there and, like, actually do some group healing. Yeah. You know, and and and on and bring more so because, well, first of all, I feel like I've been in isolation healing because I'm very like, I'm shy about it or I feel uncomfortable. Yeah. Or I, I felt uncomfortable in going into those spaces because it's also a believe that I had um, of not fitting in. Mhm. And obviously that's just something that I made up in my mind. Yeah. Um, but it's because of that I feel like I haven't fully let myself emerge into, um, community and like going to the events because I know me and you gone to breathwork events before, but you go, you do the breathwork and you leave exactly like you don't talk to people. Yeah. And we've had had like we have done, um, events where you are in a circle and it's very like vulnerable, like the women's circle that we did once with, um, the, the, uh, sunrise one. Oh, yes. Yes, yes. Like, that was fucking scary to me. Yeah. Like and. And then you want me to speak like you want me to tell you how I feel with people that don't know me? Like it's crazy. It's. These are literally, like, the things that I know a lot of people think about, right? Yeah. And so we stay in the isolation and we stay in our, in our isolation, individual healing. But I know how powerful I know how powerful it is to heal in community. Yes as well. Yeah. Because now after like getting over the uncomfortableness of like that experience of that woman circle, I could identify how amazing it was. Mhm. You know, like being there with people that actually care to listen to you and they actually care to, to care for you. Yeah. Um and people. Yeah. You feel seen and it's people that you never even, uh, never knew before. Yeah. Um, but yeah, like I, I personally. Was segregating myself from from those experiences because I sabotaged those sabotage feeling or sabotage thoughts that would come into my mind would be you don't fit in. You look different than all of these girls that go in there. Mhm. You're like, what makes you think that you're going to like this is your place right. And you and I tell it like I would tell myself these things. Yeah. And that's why I've stayed in isolation. Because in the community, in the wellness community, there's also not a lot of dyke looking lesbian women that are in these sessions. So it's understandable. But now I'm like, well, then I have to start something. Yeah. You know. Exactly. But that's how I feel like that's where you start. You start with going into these events to gain some kind of guidance from facilitators like yourself. Mhm. And, and that's and honestly that's one of my like core missions I feel in this life is that I, I would love for people to experience, you know, getting all of the information for themselves. Right. So they can then do what they'd like with that information and figure out what their daily practice or ritual is, that they want to build and create and customize for themselves. Um, but then. Like the community aspect of it is like being in that group with people, right? And just how you said like, um, being seen by people that have never met you, right? Feeling heard, feeling valued. Yeah. Which is what a lot of people are missing. Yes. Because they, they don't talk to anybody about their shit because they think that they're the only ones that are going through that. But when you go and stay with the group of people and you let yourself be vulnerable and share, then you find out that, oh, three more people in that group are experiencing the same shit as you. Right? And then you feel seen. Yeah. And you're like, oh, wow, you are right. It makes you feel heard. It makes you feel valued as a member of this world. Yes. Or like for me it was embarrassment because in my in my growing up, I was told like, shut the fuck up Nancy. Like mhm, that's stupid. Or whenever I would share my feelings, that's how I was, how like I was responded to. Uh, so in, in my adulthood. Yeah. Um, I feel like. Like I feel embarrassed to open up and, like, ask questions or be vulnerable because I'm a I'm afraid of that response. Yeah. Or you're afraid of somebody thinking that I'm stupid. Mhm. Yes. He. And you're not the only one. Yeah. So many other people I guess. Yeah that have experienced the same feelings. And um so yeah the that two day weekend retreat is here in Vegas. So if you are outside of Las Vegas and would like to join just hit me up. Guys. You know you can stay at our house or something I don't know. Yeah. Like try to make it affordable for you. But you know, it's just the these are the types of things that, um, I will begin doing. And I know Nancy will begin doing her own things. And, you know, we'll be doing our things together as well. But it's, um, it's our way of giving, of putting out our gifts and our talents to the world. It's us following our heart. Yeah, so that is all. I wanted to say something else, but I forgot what it was. But anyways, yeah, I would love to have, um, a lot of our listeners attend that retreat with us. That would be amazing. Cool. Yeah. So reach out to Brenda on Instagram. Yeah. Um, what's your Instagram handle? Uh, echoes with Brenda or on our Deep Dive In podcast page as well. Yeah. Um, and also share it with other people if you feel like, if you feel like, um, you know, it's something you want to do. Um, yeah. Because we can only control our selves. Yeah. Thank you guys for listening in. I think, um, this is a great conversation. Yeah. And don't let your belief sabotage you. Don't let your beliefs sabotage you. That's a very hard word for me to say. Sabotage. Okay, I think I got it. Um. Thank you. Bye bye. Once again, guys, thank you for listening. If you gain something or feel inclined to share this episode, please do so. Go to our Instagram Deep Dive In podcast that's dive in the dive in and connect with us there. Comment share, post. We appreciate the support so much and we will catch you on the next one.