EP 34 | Our Parenting Life & How Brenda Expected Nancz to Just Be a Mom

So apparently, Brenda thought Nancz would just automatically become a mom the second they got together. Like, boom—instant mother mode. 😂 Spoiler alert: That’s not how it works. In this episode, we get real about the evolving perspectives we’ve had on parenting, the lessons we’ve learned, and how expectations can get in the way of truly appreciating the journey.

Brenda shares how frustrated she felt in the beginning—until a friend hit her with a perspective shift that changed everything. Meanwhile, Nancz opens up about how she initially questioned whether she was even built for this, only to realize how freaking beautiful it is to guide little souls in this life.

And let’s talk about how we were all raised being told what to do, when to do it, and who to be—without ever getting to figure it out for ourselves. We believe parenting isn’t about controlling kids; it’s about guiding them. These little beings chose us for a reason, and our job is to create the best possible environment for them to grow, just like a farmer cultivates the soil before planting seeds. 🌱✨

Tap in for some raw, funny, and heart-expanding conversations about queer parenting, breaking generational cycles, and raising high-vibe humans. 🏡💜

conscious parenting, LGBTQ+ parenting, gentle parenting, queer family life, lesbian couple parenting, raising high-vibe kids, breaking generational trauma, spiritual parenting, parenting with love, inner child healing, new age parenting, mindful motherhood, raising conscious children, vibrational living

Transcript

EP 34 | Our Parenting Life and How Brenda Expected Nancz to Just be a Mom

Hey, guys, welcome to the Deep Diving podcast with Nancy and Brenda. Here we go. No that didn't. No, no. Just do your normal intro and. You wait. No, no, that sounds so chunky. And we're back, baby. Hey. Like, what's up, my guy? That's the perfect intro for today's talk. Hey. Yeah. Hi. Hello. What a great morning, I feel. Yeah, it just, you know, being out, getting some sun, having, uh, great conversation, um, having a little espresso shot. Are you lit right now? I'm lit. I want to clean the whole house. I'm just giving you an espresso shot. Wait. Okay. What do I need to do today? Okay. Yeah. I'm going to clean my office. You saw me come in here like. Yeah, you're already cleaning up my desk so I have a clean environment I could feel because it's. What did you give me? What a lion's mane. I gave you our lion's mane like cordyceps for the. Yeah, and then the espressos. So I'm, like focused, clear, precise. I hope I don't say a lot of ums. No you won't. You're just gonna go on. I'm just gonna go on and on. You know, one of the things that I have has been on my mind. I don't know, like, just with thinking about, oh, what should we talk about? You know, like, this is, um, where we are right now in, like, the whole parenting kind of thing. Our relationship with the girls. Um, I really wanted to have that conversation because I think we both. And we come at it from different perspectives, obviously. Mhm. Um, I mean, obviously not like, um, kind of stepping into a role of parenting but not parenting. Yeah. And how that's been. Right. And then obviously with you and having like 5050 custody um. Having to co-parent. Mhm. And how that's been for you. Um but I mostly wanted to relate it to like our journey and spirituality. Okay. Like the approach to parenting. Yeah. From a spirituality aspect that we're like kind of not kind of that we are stepping into. Yeah. You know. Yeah. And I think that like that conversation came up for me. Um, or that idea, the topic of conversation came up to me because I don't think we've ever, um, really, I don't think we've ever really talked about it here. No, I think we have or gone into it even recently, just between us. Like we talk about the girls here and there. Uh, but I don't think that we like, you know, going to go into it, go into it deep to it deep. Dive in. Well, I want to ask you like. There has been a lot of changes I feel within you and that we've like. Changes in your way of being. I wanted to ask you first. Like what? Where are you at now with your relationship that you want to establish that you want to have with the girls? Mhm. That is a great question. That has definitely the answer to it has definitely evolved within the last month. Wow. Uh, because um, I find myself being in a more like motherly nurturing. Uh, protective has always been a thing. Uh, but I find myself being in that stage or wanting to be in that stage more and being more of a guide to them instead of an over ruler or a ruler over there. Their little existence. Right. Um, which I think in many cultures, especially the Latino culture. Uh, we grow up with that. Like, you live under my roof and you're going to do as I say, vibe or upbringing. And that's something that I want to break in my personal and my family. You know, I don't think we have the rule over anybody, even our own children. We're just here as a guide for them, um, to help them move through this life and for them to experience their own experience. Mhm. And that's hard. Okay. All right. We got to break that down a little bit. Because what the fuck does that mean. Because you're talking you're saying this and I completely agree. Yeah I agree that parenting or being a parent to someone. Um, it has to come from a stance of what you're talking about. Like not thinking that you rule their lives because you're their parents, right? But you're their guide. Yeah. So there's two different ways that you can see it. But like I want to talk about like the, the hard part because it's very hard for or not I shouldn't say that. I feel like it just talking about the whether we grew up. Yeah. Right. Like we grew up in a to uh, what is it called, totalitarian, uh, dictatorship dictator. We fucking grew up in a dictatorship. Okay. I know for my myself, like I realized and I think I talked about this a little bit before, but I realized how in the beginning it was difficult for me to accept or be like. Like loving towards the girls, because I realized that I didn't really grow up that way. Yeah. Um, love was shown growing up, but it wasn't shown in an affectionate way. Yeah. Like, physically? Yeah. Hugs and kisses. Exactly. But, I mean, I understand, though. Why do you think that we as a, like, as a Hispanic community. And maybe this is across the board, right. But as a Hispanic community, like what? How do you think? Why do you think that we grew up in that manner? To keep it simple. I think it came from way before our parents. I think it came from like our great, great great grandparents and how they were literally just trying to survive. Like they didn't think about giving affection to their kids. They were literally just trying to make sure the kid was fed. Yeah. And alive. And I don't think that they thought about that. You know, um, but also at that time, it was a different way of living. Like, they probably all ate dinner together. They probably all, like, sat around the campfire together. Right? So there was a lot more like being together. But I personally think that probably why I mean, I haven't really dug into it. Well, yeah. Why do you think? But yeah, I mean, I could. Yeah, there could be. I'm thinking about, like, my parents and knowing what I know about how they grew up. Uh, they grew up the same way. Like in a dictatorship. Yeah. You know, their parents told them what to do, pretty much. And or the older siblings. So it's crazy. Yeah. It just got passed. Passed on. And it. And our society, I feel that the history of our lineage, of our ancestors. I feel like it's the same across the board. Yeah. Because I feel like a lot of, like, Saints or the chos or just the way of being is the same from a Salvadorian household. Uh, Mexican household. Whatever. Yeah. Hispanic household. Right? There's a lot of times that I see influencers or like I see videos on Instagram of like people from. A different like Colombia. Let's just say that they talk about something like a customer, you know, when you were a kid or whatever, and it's the same. And I could relate to it. Yeah. And I'm like, Holy shit. Yeah. Like how the fuck is like all of these different nations and people that we never knew, mothers that never knew each other. Yet all our mothers are the same, right? It was like this whole, like population of people across the Latino America. Yeah. That grew up being the same fucking way. No matter where you are. Hispanics are Hispanic moms and like, yeah, have the trauma and they have all of this shit. Yeah. And um, and they all thought they were dictators to their children, rulers, rulers of their children's life. Yeah, he was a comer. And you're gonna do this and you're gonna do that. Same with the dads, though. The. Yes. Worse. Yes, yes, yes. There's something that you said to me the other day that was very interesting. And that has stuck with me when you said that the girls don't have. You want to give like the girls. Oh, how did you say? Hold on, I don't know, I don't know if you know what I'm talking about. But you said something along the lines like the girls don't have say over their lives, and I want to have. And I want to give them. You know what? You remember what I'm talking about? The one about control. Yes. Yeah. What? Kids don't have control over their life because. For us throughout a certain age. There's anybody else is telling them what to do and when to do it. Yeah. Go brush your teeth. Go wash your hands. Go get dressed. And then when they act out, they get in trouble because the parents are like, do as I say. Go get ready. Hurry up. Right. Yeah. And so they're continuously, like under the control of somebody else. And so all kids are trying to maintain is control. And the specific conversation was like how I feel that the nine year old she's growing, she's developing into a young lady and she's seeing the changes in on her body. And she's like, she's like having this kind of like she's she's nervous because she doesn't like change. She doesn't have control over that either. It's just going to happen. Oh yeah. It's about teaching her about change. Yes. The beauty in it. And she doesn't have control over that either. So it's kind of like a child that's developing and. Doesn't have control over any part of their life. Yeah, because they don't have control. Here at like, home, if you're in a under a dictatorship. Yeah. I'm just gonna continue saying. Yeah, a dictatorship like you don't have control as a child under the ship of what to do because, like, um, and then also you go to school like, you're literally. So this is, like, crazy, because if you think about it, like, ever since you're little in this society that we live in. Okay. Yes. And I'm going there. Yeah. You if you have a parent that is telling you what to do all the time, don't do this, don't do that, blah, blah, blah, right. And then you go to school and then at school they tell you like, no, you can't, don't raise your head. Don't be allowed to do this. Don't do that. So day and night, day and night, you're being told not to do this, not to do that, not to do this. And then you go to a job. Yeah. You graduate school, you graduate school, high school. Right? You go to a job 9 to 5, whatever. And then they tell you like, no, you can't do this. Like, no, you can't do that. Like all of your life. You're everything that you want to fucking do is suppressed. Yeah. Is suppressed. Yeah, and that's why we're depressed. Because everything's suppressed. In case you didn't know that. That the precedent is the suppression of a lot of things. Exactly. But it's the suppression. And it's just like crazy because this is a way that we unknowingly. Right. Like, I know my parents, they wanted the best for me. I know my parents loved me. I know my parents wanted me to be happy. Like I know all of those things. They just didn't know that, or they didn't know that they were a dictator, a dictatorship. Yeah. You know, mom, mostly my mom. Yeah, my dad was a hippy, happy go lucky person. Um, but like, but we lived, like, under my mom's dictatorship. But she didn't know, like, I know that. She didn't know. Like, she. She didn't know exactly like that. What she was being that. Right. Yeah. Right. Um, so it wasn't with intent like that. Bad intention. And it's crazy because, like, you lived through that. Like you grow up through that, and then you grow up through high school, like high school, and then you not only that, but you also have the fitting in the. Yeah, the social dynamics and all of that shit. Yeah. And then you go to a job and you have to you also want to fit in, but you also have to like play by the rules, by the rules. And it's exhausting. Yeah, and that's why now we have people. When you see a quote unquote free spirited person, um, people feel some type of way about those people. Yeah. And it's simply because that free spirited person. Yeah, is showing you that you too can be free, but you are so suppressed that you find them triggering. Yeah. And so and then you, you become labeled delusional. Yeah. Yeah. It be. Yeah. Right. Right, right. And uh, and so it's uh, and then you and then now we're in a, we're now we're transitioning into an era of parents, some parents, some of them, some people where, um, they're understanding that they are the cycle breakers in their family lineage, that they can change it. And so that is beginning now. Yeah. And. Yes. And like, like we're one of those people. Yes. Yeah. And um, that literally like what you were saying, you know, you want to be, um, you're coming into a light as a mother wanting. To be there and hear out your children as best you can. Yeah. Um, to help them maneuver through their emotions and release their emotions and know how they're feeling and know that they have a support system in you. Um, you're there to guide them, not to tell them what to do, like these things that you want to instill. And it's and it's actually for me, it's like helped me out with with the way I grew up, you know, like, oh, I just didn't grow up that way. Like, right. Instead of saying like, well, fuck, I grew up this way. And that's the only way I know. So that's the only way that I'm going to do things. Yeah. Because in the beginning of our relationship, I felt like I had a lot of my mom's character that came out in me as a parent, a parent, quote unquote. Yeah, we both did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, our mothers died and now I'm just like, wow. Like, no, like I don't like that's I don't I don't believe in that. Yeah. Like yeah. Of course you want to guide them to, you know, having manners and being respectful and stuff. But also I don't want to like. You tell them what to do all the time. Yeah. Or like, tell them like, oh, shut up. Like, that doesn't make any money or like, when they're expressing something to you, like, I want to dance. Yeah. Oh shut up. You don't know how to dance, right? Our parents would say that for our family, not just our first stop. Yeah. That's so true. Yeah. You shut down like you were shut down. Yeah, I know for me, I was shut down multiple times. I or not? Multiple times. You weren't? No. My mom always supported whatever it is we asked to do. Wow. Yeah, I did it. It was mostly like. I feel it was mostly my siblings. Like my siblings that would say shit. Okay. Yeah. Or like, shut up, Nancy. You're stupid. Yeah, I heard that a lot. Yeah. And but can you speak on how that has, like, trends like, and it transpired or. Uh, not or maybe I don't know if that's the right word transpired into your life because like, as a child, you heard that a lot. Yeah. So how do you feel that affected you? It definitely was a self-confidence thing. Like it, uh, subconsciously it. I know now I know now they're subconsciously hearing that over and over led me to dim my light. Hmm. If that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Like it makes sense. Yeah, it makes sense. It's like. Like I feel like I just. I played it safe most of my life, even though I wanted to be out there and, like, doing, uh, out of the ordinary shit. Mhm. Because I'm not an ordinary person. Right. So I always wanted to be out there. I know I always wanted to be out there being, um, an ordinary stuff. And I still did ordinary stuff because in my, I would tell, like I would have an idea. Right? And I'm like, oh no, that's stupid. Like it's not going to work out. Uh, so so I would self-sabotage most of my life in insecurity and fear and like, all of these things. Yeah. Because of of because of what I was told. Yeah. Yeah. When I was little. Uh, okay. Like, I feel it led me to insecurity and like, all of these things. Right. Because you're told like, shut up. Like, yeah, shut up. That's dumb. Like, uh, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's so crazy because to this day, like, to this day, I'm like. Till this day. And we. This is the thing that within our within my siblings. Yeah. We make fun of each other or like we thought like that's just how we've been. And I realized how we shouldn't be. Right. But that's how. That's how we know to be with each other. That's how you show love to you, I guess, I don't know. Yeah, I and I try hard like I try hard not to be like that myself with my little brother, okay? Because we're 12 years apart. So my sister, my older sister, my older brother and me, well, we grew up together. Yeah, right. And then we were already older. Or we my sister and my brother were already older. Um, I was 12 when my little brother was born, so there's quite a gap. And my mom was different in the way that she was with him. And you could relate because you also have a younger brother where your mom's different with him then the way she was with you, right? By the time. Right. Sorry, but, um, sorry to my little brother, but by the time my little brother came around, like, she's like me. Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah. So I feel like I try not to, you know, talk shit or like, say, oh, shut up, you're stupid or. Yeah, uh, I honestly am. The opposite of that with my little brother. Mhm. Um, my sister with my sister and my older brother. Like I respect them. Okay. I don't like I obviously we joke around and stuff. Yeah. But it's very rare when I tell them like shut up. Yeah that's true. I live like a parent. Yeah. Like I never I still respect them. Yeah, because they're all different. Yeah. You're doing stuff for them or, like they invite you to things. It's like, okay, okay, we gotta go. We're gonna be there on time. Yeah. I'm not. I'm going to get in trouble. Yeah. Me too. Yeah. It's so true. Like, I, I, I still respect them, but, I mean, like, um. But you but there's a different dynamic there. Yeah, I guess it just depends on, like, how I, I don't know how we grew up, but I try not to be like that with my little brother. I honestly admire him. Yeah. Like, the most, I feel like he's the smartest. Little. He's not even little anymore. He's probably gonna be 30 already. Yeah. Wow. I still say little brother because he's my little brother, you know? But he's he's, uh, he's amazing. And I always try to, like, tell him that, like, you're amazing, but, yeah, I mean, it's just the different dynamics, like. And it's crazy because I know, like, my older brother, he would never say, you're amazing. Oh, to anybody, I don't think. Or maybe not to be their kid. Oh, yeah. Maybe his kids. Yeah. Um, but like, to us. Like to me or to my little brother, like, he would never be like, oh, you're amazing. Like, I'm so proud of you. Like, never in my life. Never in my life. I don't think so, I don't know. Oh, but anyway, what I was just gonna say is, like, I feel that, um, when, like, I now knowing being in the place that we are today, like, it's very it's been very different and very like evolutionary for me to. Be a partner. You know, in this relationship where there is two little souls that we have that we're that we're taking care of. Yeah. And we're guiding, you know, and at the beginning, like I said, there was a lot of my mom's character that came and I was like, no, don't do that. Like, don't do this. And I think I would even get upset with you because, like, why don't you tell them not to do that or whatever, right. Um, why don't you tell them to clean their, like, two? Uh, what? Yeah, but because I, because I felt like that's the only thing way. The only way that I knew how to be is the way that I saw my mom being right. But it's like, oh, no, like, that's not right. Yeah, I would actually, you just brought up I would like to share, I would like to talk about how we had a conversation about this, how there would be friction between us. Yeah. Because I expected you to step into the parental role. Yeah. Do you want to go into that? Yeah. Okay. So there was this. There was this for a long time, actually, I, I don't know why I had this expectation. And I want to share this because they feel like there's a lot of women out there with kids, um, who don't have their the other parent in their life, right? I hate to say the word single moms, by the way, because I understand, like, you know, you're you're just you and the kid, but for the lack of better term, for the lack of better term. Yeah. If you're a single mom. Right. So Nancy came into the picture and I automatically expected her to come into the role of a parent. Yeah, right. And but I never told you this. No, I just thought she knew, like, oh, well, she has kids. I need to be a parent to, you know, call. You're like, call her mommy. I'm like, what? And so I so there was this whole thing that I had an expectation that was never communicated. And it would be so frustrating for me, uh, because I would just be like, why can't she just, like, tell them yes, or why can't she just be a parent? Or why can't she just do this and this and this, right? And it would be very frustrating for me because I'd be like, what the hell? Like, she's not doing shit, right? Yeah. Why are you here? I'm just a single parent, too. Yeah. So then at a recent, not too long ago, actually, we had the conversation. Yeah. Right. And and you were listening to something, and then you they said it in a way that you were like, wait, what? Like I was talking to a friend. I was like, oh, yeah. And she was sharing her experience with me of when she stepped into a relationship with a person that had kids and she was single with no kids. Yes. And so she shared her perspective and her experience on how it was for her. And then I was like, Holy crap, I have had this expectation of Nancy, the whole relationship, and I didn't even realize it. Right. And I was so I, I still tell her, like, I'm so grateful that you're in my life, right? But, um, and so she pretty much told me like. Look, this person stepped into your children's life and they are not there to be a parent. Like they're not there to, uh, instill rules and like, what to do's and all of these things. They're like, that's your job. As their parent, you must let your children see Nancy as like the really, really best friend that they need in their life. Because if the if some stranger just comes into their life and starts instilling like these, like, rules and stuff, then like their kids are going to be your kids are going to be like, who is she? Yeah, right. And they are and they, they were. Yeah. And they still are. Yeah. Because. Yeah. Exactly. And it's funny because you say like, oh, when we first started like living together, you were like, well, why doesn't she do this or why does she. Right. You were just making that comment. And then I on the other side was like, well, I can't do anything or say anything because they're your kids. So I was I was essentially like, waiting for your lead. Right on. Like parenting, right? Or like telling them something. But that wasn't happening because you were waiting for me to do it. Yeah. And I'm like, but I mean, now we found that out. Yeah. Right. But because I was so also because I was so used to a heterosexual relationship, right? Where like, there is the father figure and like, the father figure does most of the disciplining, and that's how it was in your that it was in your relationship. In my previous relationship, yes. And I was I was their safe person. And they would come to me for protection. Right. And so and so like so then anyways, like finally that came to a realization for me. And I was like, oh. And then because I would also find it very annoying that, I mean, a lot of, um, moms who listen to this episode know that you, for the most part, are the default parent. And what that means is, like, the kids come to you for mostly everything. And so moms are automatically like the default parent. And I was at a point in our relationship where I'm like, why do they just come to me? Oh yeah. Right. Like yeah. And you would yeah. You would get frustrated. Yeah. I would get so frustrated because I'm like, what the hell are you here for? Like, are you not gonna help me? Right? And then you would. Yeah. And then you would tell them, like, go ask Nancy. Yeah. Yes. I would send them to you because, like, they don't want me to hug that talk even though. Yeah. So there it was, this whole thing. And I finally realized, like, my children will always come to me for the rest of their life. Yeah. And, um, I then also realized the whole expectation that I had set upon you. And now obviously, we talked about that. And it's different now. Do you feel it's changed at all? Yeah, I think it's because I feel like we just had the conversation not too long ago. So it hasn't been, you know, like there hasn't been enough time for me to, um, kind of be as absorbent of the, of the changes I feel like I definitely do feel you've changed as a mother with them. Mhm. Per se, I mean but we still, you know, there's still times that they're too much and. Yeah. Oh yeah. Like I, yeah I would like to add that if you have kids like you need to do your own personal work to fix your shit, otherwise you're gonna react to your children just like your parents did for you. Because. What do you mean? You know what I mean? Okay. Hold on. Sorry. Break that down. If you have kids, you need to do your own personal healing. Yeah, like your own personal, like, because you're going to get triggered by your kids. Mhm. And react how your parents acted with you. Correct. Oh okay. Yeah. Yeah. Because those feelings and the things you experienced when you were little from your parents and how they treated you stay in your body like your body remembers that your nervous system remembers it. And so if you don't work on healing those things for yourself, nervous system work, energetic work, you are going to lash out and do the same thing that your parents did to you, to your own children. And, um, so having kids has been a very. Transformative experience for me as a human. Because it has. It has. I have chosen to work on myself to be a better human to them. Um, because I did I didn't want my children to feel how I ended up feeling and resenting my parents. Yeah, or how they were with me. And so are they going to have some traumatic experiences with me? Probably. I have accepted that. But I know that they are being raised a lot differently. Yeah. And hopefully the traumatic experience is going to be like you say no to them having candy, hopefully. Right? Yeah. Like smacking them across with. But yeah, yeah, it's crazy like that. You say that because as you were saying that, it reminded me the other day, um, literally like, I don't know if it's it probably is because of the healing work that we're doing, um, and the journeys that we've taken. But the other day, I was in the shower, and for some reason I just started remembering like a specific time when I was little and my mom got mad at me for something. And, um. You know, like she just went off on me, right? And I started crying. Oh, and I'm like, oh my God. Like, I, I obviously is because of the healing journey that we are on, that we're letting these things come out right. And I understand like and I and I let it out and I was thinking about it, um, you know and and gratefully I where I am now it's you come you you start healing from a different place. You're not just like, oh, my God, this happened to me. Like, um. Poor me. Yeah. You know that I had to go through this or like, being resentful towards your mom, for example, like. Right. I don't feel that way. Yeah, I don't feel resentful to her, but I know that knowing what I know now is that, oh, these things are coming up for me to heal them. Yeah, because there is still energy stuck in my body. Um, that needs to be released. So for some reason, that memory came up and I was able to acknowledge it. And then I was able to feel how I felt in that moment when when that was happening. Yeah. And then I was able to release the emotions. Yeah. And this was, this was when I was like, I don't know, maybe 8 or 9. Yeah. And I'm 39, you know. But but this is the crazy part is the crazy part is like, yeah, it's a long time. 30 years later, it like, that's the crazy part that we, um, if it wasn't, if it wasn't for us being in this healing journey, that emotion or that event would stay suppressed inside of me all of my life. Yeah. And we're just. And then as an adult, you're just living with these suppressed emotions that. That you don't like that you don't know about. Yeah. That you forget. Yeah. Because you suppress them so much. Yes. And like that was crazy to me that that experience because I felt like I'm like, oh like this is what they talk about when they talk about healing journey feeling it believes the emotions and letting it go. Yeah. Um, and in that very moment, like after, after like the emotions came out, you know, I was able to connect with, with eight year old Nancy and be like, it's okay. Like you're going to be okay. She was a dictator. She didn't just get it. Um, but that I, I understand now like the healing because people talk about like, oh, what the how is it healing journey like, yeah, I, I've probably said that before. What the fuck are you talking about? Like a healing journey. Yeah. And that's literally what it is like once you start doing the work to heal. When the work meaning journaling and sitting in silence with yourself, meditating, sound baths, like Reiki, like all of these beautiful things that are out there to help you move this energy and this emotions and traumatic emotions or trauma that occurred. If it occurred to you, to you in your life experience. Um. That's once you start doing those things. I feel all of the suppressed emotions is what they start coming up. Yeah. And it's it's crazy because a lot of people don't want to go through that. Like I don't want to feel the emotion again. Exactly. But you have to like because you have to let all of that stuff go. Yeah. Like in order for you to return to yourself, like you have to step, you have to let all of those emotions come up and and resurface and hug your little self and say, it's going to be okay. Yeah. Um, and I feel like knowing all of the like, because of all of these different things. Right. Um, the conversations that you and I have had in regards to your expectation of me coming in as a parent, um, me not being a parent before. Yeah. Um, I'm not sure what you expect it I expected, you know. Yeah. You have to know how to be a parent. Um, but, like, all of these things, like, I'm at a place with the girls that I'm literally just trying to have fun with them. Yeah. Like I'm, I feel. Um, my job or not a job, but my your role, my role in, in possibly their life experience, in my role in their life experience is just to show them that love and that joyfulness of just, you know, being another, another person that they could feel safe with. Yeah. And I'm actually very happy that they do, um, like they're starting to both of them, like they're starting to feel safe. And they come to me and they talk to me about different things, and they open up to me and, um, write me cute little notes to make me cry. So it's really awesome to see, you know, I think that I think for me, it's it's crazy because if you're in in being in this relationship has taught me a lot, but with parenting or with kids mostly like. Us having the conversations, um, about it. And then you like sharing with me your realization of like, Holy shit, I came into this relationship expecting for you to be their parent. Like, you're not their parent. I'm their parent. Their dad is the parent. Like having these conversations and then the healing, you know, me doing the healing and doing the inner work and all of that stuff, like, and having them there as well as well as mirrors because they're literally like mirrors to your inner child. Yeah. It's like this whole there's a whole thing, like a mindfuck. Yeah. And I wouldn't call it a mindfuck, but I, I was gonna say, I was gonna say like, it's fucking beautiful. Oh, it's a beautiful thing. It's. But that's where we are with our perspective. It's like, for me it is because I, I coming from where I come from and I could go, I don't want to like go into deep with and how my another time. Yeah that's another story. But like coming from the child that I had and um, like the things that I experience and again living under a dictatorship and whatever, it's kind of beautiful to like see things in a different perspective. Mhm. See things from like, oh I don't need to like I don't need to tell them or you know, dictate their life like I don't like, they probably know more than I do. Yeah. About life you know and I approach our relationship or my relationship with them um in that manner now in some way. So it's taught me to. Honestly, it's it's brought me back to that that healing that I had that I'm to do with my inner child. Yeah. And the healing that I'm to do. They've definitely helped me get there a lot faster is what I'm trying to say. Mhm. Me too. Yeah. Yeah. They've definitely taught me the play in life. Mhm. The playfulness and uh seeing each moment as a playful moment. Right. Like I love when we go on like walk. And the youngest one she's still she's not indoctrinated yet by the quest is done. She's like she'll start stepping on the cracks. Yeah. On the street. Right. She's like step on the crack or break your mama's back. Right? And she just makes everything a little joyful thing. Yeah. And I'm just like, hmm. Um, and I really and I honestly, I'm really grateful to be able to still have that. Um, reminder for myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I needed a lot. So I'm like, oh, maybe this is why I had, you know, I don't know, but but I'm like probably. That's another episode. Anyways. But yeah, it's been a beautiful it's definitely been a beautiful thing. I think it's changed my perspective on parenting. I truly believe that. It's, uh, it's a very it's a beautiful gift to be a parent. Um, and a guide. I hate the word parent. I think I resonate more with the word, uh, guide. Yeah. Your guide to somebody's life. And your life experience essentially will help you guide them best as you can through their life experience. And all we are here to do as a guide is show them love and show them safety and obviously take care of them. Right. Mhm. Um, as best you can. Yeah. And I think if you approach it from that way instead of like I mean just goes blah blah blah. Yeah. You know there's just a different way of, of um. There's a different way of approaching parenting. Yes. From what it is known to be today, at least in our culture. In our culture. Yeah, like a lot of times adults have a conversation about their kids as if they're, like, annoying to like, they're frustrated or you see it online all the time. Like, how many TikToks do you see a day where it's like being a parent is fucking like when being the parent is annoying, like there's just so many, like negative I feel perspectives. Yeah. No, it is annoying sometimes. Not gonna lie. Yeah, yeah. But there's a lot of that. You're right. It's just like, uh, it's just it kind of makes people not want to have kids. Yeah. When you see them. Yeah. Right. And then like, all the most of the, not most, but some people that are here, they're like, oh girl, don't have kids. Like if their friends are single or in no kids or whatever, right. Like don't have kids like all this stuff. Right. And um, my answer is like, kids are a really beautiful thing, but it's very hard. Yeah. That's all. That's 100%. Yeah, definitely very hard. But at the end of the day, it's very beautiful. Yeah I feel. Yeah. And I never I don't think I ever like thought about it that way before. Or I would just be like, oh yeah, I'm having kids. It's. Yeah. Even in even in the starting of our relationship, I think that I think that shifted for me, just like maybe a month or two ago. Oh, shoot. Yeah. Where it went from like, oh my God, like, am I really fit to do this? Uhhuh. Like, because I could get out. Yeah. I don't have a lot. You could, I could I don't have a responsibility to it. Yeah. You know, I could literally be like, uh, this is not for me. And just walk away. Yeah. Um, and I realized that, like, oh, is it am I really am I really committed to this relationship not only to you, but committed to the relationship with them? Yeah. Because it's it's it. You have to be committed to everything. Yes. You can't I can't just be in a relationship with you and then feel shitty because the girls are here, right? Like you can live your life that way. No. And so, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like the perspective change for me, because when I start, when I stopped seeing it as parenting and like having to do shit and blah, blah, blah, and I started seeing it as enjoying it and being their guide and really like a mirror to. The way. Like you're my inner child. Like, uh, it completely changed my perspective. And they're no longer lies. The question of like, am I committed to this? Yeah, because I really like now I'm like, it's seen it differently. It's like, oh, like, this is beautiful. Yeah. You know, like why? Like there is no question about it. Yeah. Well, good. Um, yeah. So I, I think it's a beautiful thing. I think it's just a perspective like, I know that we grew up a certain way thinking about, like, having kids and blah, blah, blah, and some people are like, yeah, some, some people that I know, like, love their, like, talk positive things in regards to their relationship with their children and having kids and stuff. But there's 90. So it's like 10% of the people that I, that I've known that I came across in my life. Yeah. Adults right that talk positive about their children's experience or their parenting experience. And then 90% of it is like, uh, like I can't stand like I can't stand it. I don't know, it's confusing, blah blah blah. And it's mostly the ones that have older kids that say that. No, possibly. Yeah. Like when you're teenagers. Yeah. Like when you have teenagers. Yeah. I think I've heard that. Like, oh, wait till they're teenagers. That too. And I'm like, I don't want to put that on it. Yeah. On myself or on my children. Because imagine like you're going into. You're going into your there teenage years. Let's just say with that mentality. Yeah. Like, oh here we go. Like you're pretty much calling it in. Yeah exactly. That's why I don't I don't it when people tell me that I just I'm just like oh yeah. Like you know, but I don't believe that. And yeah, I just we're going to leave it there. But oh. And, oh, I think it's because it's actually this led me to this. This is the last thing I'll share. I know in our culture we grow up or it's like our parents have an attachment to how they want us to turn out. Oh yeah. Right. They want us to turn out a certain way. And for me personally, I released that expectation or attachment a long time ago because I'm like, I'm not here to tell my child who to be in this world like they're their own person. Yeah. I'm not going to tell them, like, you should be this, you should be that. Or like, try to vicariously live through them because of the stuff that I didn't get when I was little. Right. Which a lot of parents do. Yeah. And, um, so I think it's important to remember that. In all the guiding and the advice that you give the kids, it's like, okay, make sure you're not putting your own spin on the things. You know, your own ego. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it's not your life, their life. It's their experience. As much as you want to try to be in control of it, like, yeah, they still have to go through their own experience in this world. Yeah. So yeah. Yeah that's true. Well there's just like I could. Yeah. There's so much, there's so much. Yeah. At the end of the day it's a beautiful thing. Yeah. To live with kids and their joy and imagination that they still have. Mhm. And if you guys have kids and you're around kids or if you're around kids like just give yourself like just stop, stop taking your life to series and go play with them or listen to them and listen to their imagination. They said to their dreams that they have. Yeah. It's raining strawberries. Yeah. Um, and I promise you, it'll brighten your day. Yeah. So boom. Once again, guys, thank you for listening. If you gain something or feel inclined to share this episode, please do so. Go to our Instagram Deep Dive In podcast that's dive in the Ivy in and connect with us there. Comment, share, post. We appreciate the support so much and we will catch you on the next one.