EP 41 | Getting Back to TRUSTING Ourselves

aka “Help! I Can’t Hear Myself Over All These Opinions!”

In this episode, we go deep (like real deep) into that moment when we stop trusting ourselves—and how wild it gets from there.

Brenda shares how, when she’s out of alignment, she turns into a frozen overthinker™️—basically stuck in her head, questioning everything and doing nothing. Nancz keeps it real too, opening up about how she starts to dissociate and feel totally disconnected from her body when trust flies out the window.

We also call ourselves out (and each other, lovingly 🥲) for all the times we’ve searched outside ourselves for answers—scrolling, polling, asking for advice—only to realize we’ve drowned out our own voice in the process.

So we asked each other:
 What does it really mean to trust yourself again? And how do we get back to hearing our inner voice through all the noise?

If you've ever second-guessed yourself into oblivion, this one's for you. Come vibe, reflect, and laugh with us on the path back to trust, one messy, magical step at a time.

self trust journey
 how to trust yourself again
 overthinking and self doubt
 dissociation and self abandonment
 reconnecting with your intuition
 inner voice vs outside opinions
 healing nervous system and self trust
 self awareness podcast
 spiritual lesbian couple podcast
 mindfulness and inner guidance
 how to stop overthinking

Transcript

EP 41 | Getting Back to TRUSTING Ourselves

 Hey guys! Welcome to the Deep Dive In podcast with Nancy and Brenda. And we are back, baby. Back for another time. I feel like it could be a song, but you can make anything into a song. That's true. Me and GarageBand. You even got the girls making up their own song. I know I love it and they like, like to see the process too. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Um, we are back. Yeah. Episode 41 in the books. And and we're going. I think there's, you know, every time. And people have asked us this like, do you guys like, talk about what we're going to or. Oh, do we. Plan it. Do we plan what we're going to talk about and like no we don't. And so I guess we have a lot to talk about because this is episode 41. And yeah, I mean, not like sometimes we're just like, oh, we don't know. Like, yeah. And then we just get on and we start talking and something comes out of it. That's literally what we say. We're like, well, this is what we want to talk about. Yeah, but that's about the extent that it goes what we want to talk about. And then we get on and then we're like, all right, well, let's just see how it goes. Let's just have a conversation about it. And sometimes we start like we get deep because we always go deep. Obviously that's our whole point here. And it's very it's pretty cool honestly. Like, you know, people ask us like if we plan because they something we said in that episode kind of resonated with them. And it's pretty cool like that. They they share that. Yeah. That's something we said resonated with them and like and we like no, we don't plan for what we say or what we talk about. We're literally like, all right, it's time to record a new episode. Uh, what are we going to talk about? I don't know. Yeah. They're like, you were speaking right at me. Like, do you know my life? Are you in my brain? Yes we are. We are in your brain. Uh. Um, but I, I recently learned or not learned, but I feel like it. I recently literally like, today, 30 minutes ago, guys. 30 minutes ago. And this is something that I, I've heard before. Uhhuh. That everybody in your life is a projection of you. Mhm. And the people that are in your life are in your life because you're basically projecting and you're in that same realm. Right. And I think it goes hand in hand with like when they say, you know, tell me who you hang around with and I'll tell you who you are or something like that. I think that's the way it goes. I'm not sure. But somewhere along those lines and and I'm like, oh, well, that makes sense. Because if you are a certain way or you're not a certain way, like you're going to attract the people that are aligned with who you are. Therefore it makes sense when they say, like, everybody around you is a projection of you. Yeah, like because that's how you're being you believe that's who you should be letting into your realm at that moment. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. And that's very like that's very like mind blowing to me because same. Yeah. Because well, because then you start like thinking, like I started thinking about like our relationship, for example. Yeah. Like, oh, so you're you're you're a projection of me, huh? Yeah. And I'm like, wow. I could see how that. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. And some of the things that we are like that me and you don't have in common or like how different we are sometimes in our like, like socially and all of those things. I'm like, oh, this is it's a projection of me. Because what if I do want to be that way? Mhm. Like I want to be like social how you are. And I'm just projecting you're in my life showing me like how to be that. Yeah. And I'm like oh yeah I see it the same way. Yeah. I, I, I read somewhere a long time ago where it said like the, the partner that you attract into your life is your wounds that you have. Right. Like all the draw the trauma stuff but also how you just said like like in my case. Right. The social aspect of myself. You want to be like that? Maybe. Right? And so I remember when we had first started dating, I read this and I was like, oh my God, yes. Because what attract? One of the things that attracted me to you was the amount of confidence you radiated. And I and I realized, like at that time, that I wanted that confidence. Oh, wow. Yeah. And so I'm like, oh, shoot. You know. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Well, that's not the case anymore. I guess it is. But, you know, I've changed so much since we've since we've gotten together. Yeah. So I don't like. I don't even know. I don't even know what I think. I think so I think that we carry a certain level of fake confidence because I've realized this in myself. Actually, sorry to interrupt. I take that back. But when we met, when you and I met, I was extremely confident in myself because I feel that I was in, like, my peak. Mhm. When we. When mean when you and I met. Mhm. Um I was doing good. I had, I was doing good healthy wise. I was meditating like I was on my shit, you know, single life. Yeah. You were on your like you were doing all of the things for yourself. Right. And I was doing all of the things for myself when you and I met. And it's interesting that you say that that's what attracted you to me because, like, I could see why. Because I was on it like I was on it. I was I was on I was working on myself. I, you know, all of the things that you kind of lose when you're in a relationship and have all of these other things, and then you find your way back to it again, full circle. But I could see I could see that. And so that's why that's why I interrupted, because I'm like, oh, no. I could see at that time I was I was very confident. I was very confident in who who I was and what I wanted. I remember like just. Like I was just like doing my thing. Mhm. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. No offense to our relationship. No actually I don't think it's ever the relationship I think I think that a relationship comes in to a relationship really comes in to expand us even more is how I feel about it. Yeah. And I think it's because of all of the things that the relationship brings to a person that you you tend to, quote unquote, lose yourself. Um, because there's so many other things that you are now learning about yourself. Exactly. Yeah. And I talked about this. We've talked about this before, like a lot of learning lessons between because of our like the way we grew up is so different. Like, for example, I was always with my family or I was with my family, and that's something that you didn't have. Mhm. And then also with the girls, like I went from being single and like doing my own thing to moving here and then having a whole last family. Right. So it's learning yourself in these different situations. Yes, yes. And then and I think what's even more important is actually realizing that it is a, a learning opportunity. Exactly. And and it's it's really it it really comes down to like getting back to trusting yourself. Yeah. It really does. Like it really comes back to trusting yourself because you don't know it. Like I didn't know it at that time. Like when I moved out here. Mhm. I was so I, I feel like I like oh I was so in love with you. I mean I am like oh stop it. Like at that moment you know you're in the honeymoon stage. Aha. We like we're going to start our life together. It was so exciting. And I feel like I feel what happened was that I didn't like I wasn't aware of of like, oh, keep trusting yourself. Mhm. In this process. Mhm. Yeah. I wasn't, I wasn't fully prepared myself to come into a, a um. I really like I not a relationship, but I. How can I explain this? It's not gonna fuckin. I wasn't fully prepared. In the confidence that I had established for myself to continue doing that and and continue doing me in our relationship. Mhm. Mhm. And that, that's what I mean. Like I wasn't fully trusting in myself to be like the person that I needed to be in the, in those moments. I mean even though I was, you know, but I feel like I feel like those moments I, I feel like I let it get the best of me. Mhm. Um, without realizing like, no, I, I'm doing the best I can. Right. You know, and it wasn't like a big deal. Like it wasn't like, oh I was, you know, miserable or whatever. It wasn't any, it wasn't any of that. I feel that in some times during our, during the beginning in the relationship where we were trying to get adjusted, not only living together, but also like having the girls and doing like, family things. Like me personally, like even doing, like, kids stuff that I wasn't. I was never involved in that. Yeah. You know, like I was never that person or I wasn't in a parent teen role where we had to go and, like, figure out kids activities. It's still a challenge every Friday. I'm getting better. I think I've gotten way better, though. Yeah, but I mean, figuring out the idea, but figuring out that, figuring it out, like two years ago when I just moved out here, it was. It was crazy. Like, it it felt crazy to me. It felt I was definitely, like, disassociated from it. It felt like I had no control over my life. Mhm. Um, again, because I went outside of trusting myself. Yeah I, I went outside of like, no, like I know who I am, right. I'm going to continue doing what I know works for me. So I could be the best version of myself in this situation. Yeah. Because it's not like if it's not that I hated the situation, it's just that it was so foreign to me that I didn't know how to be in it. I didn't know how to be with the girls, with you, and with like us for like, am I a parent, am I not? Yeah. Like and I, we talked about it as well. How the expectation of you wanting me to be a parent at the beginning and it's like, no, I'm just your girlfriend, bro, you know, so it was like a whole thing. Yeah. And I think we both like when, like, we both kind of separated from ourselves. Yeah. And trying to make this relationship work. But the thing is that the only way that it the only way that it came back to working is coming back to trusting ourselves. Yeah, we came back to ourselves because I know for me, I fall into the habit of becoming, like, co-dependent on my partner and becoming like, oh, well, what do you want to do? What do you want to like, blah blah blah. Right. And, um, and I lost that, uh, independent factor that I have. Well, that's where they say, like, when you lose yourself in a relationship because of that. Because of the codependency. For me, it was not knowing how to deal with the situation or who I had to become. Right. So I just became who I thought you wanted me to become. Yeah. You know, which was not who I am. No. I think you're gonna have to hear that again, guys. But it's crazy because it's true. Like, that's how you lose yourself in a relationship, is by trying to be who you think your partner wants you to be. And this could be in any relationship. Mhm. And it's like wanting to be who the other person wants you to be. Where you're just forgetting to come back to you. Yeah, because it could be with the parent child dynamic. Yeah. The child trying to be whatever they think the parent wants them to be. Exactly. And you lose yourself in there, too? Yeah, I completely agree. Yeah. And and it's and it goes with every I feel like it goes with every situation. Um, the whole trust in yourself. Because for me, it's also trusting myself in like, my whole dynamic right now. Like, trusting myself in, um, leaving a job to, like, start my own business and trusting myself to know that, like, I'm doing the right thing. Yeah. And that's the hardest thing I feel for me right now. Um. Or not the not right now. But like that, it has been true to transition into a trust within yourself that you are doing the right thing. Mhm. Because and I've talked about this before also like you still hear your, your, you still hear voices in your head that are telling you like. Like, oh, you're doing the wrong thing. Don't be judgment. Yeah. Or whatever. And it's cool. Like. And the thing is that that's going to continue to be there until you reprogram yourself. But the whole trust yourself thing is literally what's going to get those voices out of your head? Yeah. That was actually something I was going to ask is like, for you, what are some of the signs that show up when you know you're not trusting yourself? I feel confused. Okay. Like I feel confused or I feel like I feel like there's like I like everything's out of control. Mhm. Like, I feel like there's so many things going on. Yeah. Like I just make up, make it up in my head like oh there's so many things that need to be done or get done or to do. I definitely feel like a disorder. Mhm. In my life. Okay. Like it's chaotic. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Like it's chaotic and there's so many things. Everything's going wrong. Mhm. All of like. Yeah. Like that's. And I never associated it to like trusting myself. Yeah. Because we weren't saying. Right. You just feel like you just feel like that's just the moment in your life. Yeah. Like. Oh, shit. Like, everybody goes through this. Everybody goes through chaos or whatever this is. But then if you really think about it and you tie it back to like, oh, I'm not, I'm just not trusting myself right now. Mhm. And that's why my whole life and my whole world seems chaotic. Mhm. Because I'm literally just making it up. My ego mind is making it up and. All I have to do is like, go back to trusting what I know to be true, right? Because we already know that's the thing. That's the crazy part about all of this is that even though you think you don't know, we already know what we need to do in our lives. Yes. And we just don't listen. Yeah. And that's that for me is the part where when I know I'm not trusting myself, it's. I become even more of an overthinker because I normally am an overthinker, but I become even more stuck in my head and I begin to like, I, I get into like this, I, I get a freeze response, like meaning I freeze and don't do anything that I like have written down that I'm going to do or whatever, which I know is this a nervous system response. Right? And yeah, and it happens because I overthink. And so that's when I know, like I'm not trusting myself. So then what do you do to come back to yourself and be like, no, Nancy. Like trust yourself. I tried to. Meditation is one of the things that, like, helps me with that. Um, again, I never had associated that moment of chaos with not trusting myself. Mhm. So now I know the answer to it. Yeah. Oh well yeah. So I never I. Have you. Have you in those moments that you feel like. Oh shit. Like I'm not doing the things that I said I was going to do. Had you associated before with it being that you're not trusting yourself. Uh, the moment I associated me, not trusting myself when I knew I was doing it, was not when I became an overthinker or, like, would just freeze. That's actually, like, recently new that I discovered because I stopped doing what actually showed me that, which was I went asking other people for advice. And then, um, you've brought that up to me one time when you were like, you know, you do this a lot. Like you go outside and ask people for advice, but like, that's not that like you, we had a conversation about it. Right. And when you brought that up to me, I was like, oh, shoot, that's so true. And I, I, uh, I what is it called? I traced it back to where it originated from, which was in church. Because in church you go to everybody else but yourself to receive guidance. That's so true. Yeah. And so it was in church. And so I traced it back to where it originated. Now I am aware of that. And so like I don't really do that anymore. Um, if anything is a conversation I have between you and I, but I don't really go ask other people for advice anymore. As much and so as much. There are there are some friends where, uh, yeah, there's some people that you like that I do trust. Yeah. But, um. So. So anyways. But now in my current stage where I'm living now, I have a I acknowledge that when I'm not trusting myself, I tend to not want to do anything, and I get stuck in my head with thoughts and like, it's very easy for me to just go down on a downward spiral. Like, kind of like last night where I was like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna blast myself. Guys, I was I told Nancy, I'm like, I'm just gonna go back and get a job. Oh, yeah. But it's it's like. So yeah, for me, that's how I've learned when I'm not trusting myself. Yeah. And that makes sense. I mean, the thing this is the thing that we are playing a game in this life, I feel where they've made it so good that the forces to be have made it so very well manufactured, this game for us to feel like it, like it's there, there's it's difficult to make it outside of it. And what I mean by that, that they made the game so good or they've made the game of keeping us enslaved. Yeah. And having to work a job because we have all of this shit to pay. Mhm. Um, and chasing money. And the keeping us enslaved in that way. Because there's like tax on tax on tax and whatever we have to pay. Right. That they keep us enslaved in this system that they've created. So it's very difficult to live outside that system, right? Yeah. Because this is all like around us. Like that's everything in our life. But the thing is this I feel that once you make the change and really dedicate yourself to trust that you know, you have everything you already need and everything is always working out for you. Then the system that they created starts dissolving. Yes. Because you no longer live in that, you have deprogrammed yourself from the system that has been created to keep you in slave. Right. What would you say to someone who maybe feels scared when they're trying to trust themselves, but they like they don't. They can't listen to their own voice because they think they're going to make a mistake. Because I think that goes with what you're saying. I feel like there's got to be a reason, right? Like what? What is it? I think it's more I for me, it's it would be more so asking myself, like what? What are the voices that I'm hearing? Or what is it that's keeping me from trusting myself. Mhm. Like what. What am I listening to. Yeah. Because that's another thing as well that one of the things that came to me this past weekend was as I was like meditating and like kind of just trying to, to tune into myself. I clearly heard like stop being on social media. Mhm. And I don't know if that was just like like, you know, I don't that's just what I heard. Yeah. And I'm just going to go with it. Yeah. Right. Because it's true. Like everything has our attention and nowadays our attention is valuable. Yeah. So whatever we pay attention, we pay attention to is what's going to keep us from whatever we want to do in our lives, I feel. Yeah. So with listening to that or when hearing that, like, who are you putting your or what are the voices that you're hearing that are keeping you from trusting yourself? And then I think about like the whole social media thing and how it relates to me is I feel like I spend a lot of time just scrolling on TikTok or whatever, and there's a lot of people on there, depending on the algorithm that you're in, like you're going to see things or you're going to you're obviously going to hear everyone's opinion. Yeah. Everything. Yeah. Of everything except your own. Exactly. So you're literally like programming yourself to listen to other people's opinion instead of listening to yourself. Yeah. So that's a huge thing. Yeah. Not only do you have the programming or you have like. Have you experienced judgment? Growing up in your family, you have that still subconsciously inside of you, where you doubt yourself because of that. And they're not. And then on top of that, you put in scrolling on social media like you're literally programming yourself to not trust yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're like, listening to everybody's opinion. Everybody else's opinion. So I realized that that was part that was part of my problem. Mhm. And to fully trust myself I had to release everything outside of me. Yeah. Because I need to like do what I preach. Yeah. Listen to myself. Right. And stay in connection with myself. Right. To fully trust myself. And I feel what, what that what that is, is staying out of the the social media. And I don't and I don't mean, like, forever, like, you know, completely ban it or whatever. But if you are going through like a certain stage in your life where you just feel what I just said, like your world is chaotic, everything around you seems to be falling apart. Mhm. I think that should be indication for you to take a step back and stop and, and fully disconnect from everything outside of you and come back to just sitting with yourself and listening to yourself and understanding truly what you want. Yeah. Because I think it's like for me, I know it's gonna like it takes time. Like it may take a day or two or even more for you to give yourself the space to sit with yourself, to fully understand, like what you want to do. Because if you think about it, you have to, like, release all of the things that you've been hearing. Yeah. Because those things are still subconsciously in your mind. Right. So you have to, like, purge those things and you have to give yourself time to do that. Yeah. And then once you've done that, then you have more clarity on the advice. Like you have more clarity on what you want and who you are and what you need to do. Right. And I think sometimes also to add on to what you're saying, like the we're afraid to listen to our own voice, which causes us to not trust ourselves because we think we're going to make a mistake or the wrong decision. Right. And like you said, those voices that come into our mind, who are the who's voices are they that you are hearing. Right? And I think that I, I know for me, what has really helped me make decisions in general is when I learned that nothing is a right or a wrong. Like nothing is a mistake. Like, yeah, there is no right or wrong for us in our lives. It's all a learning experience. Whichever choice you make, you are going. To learn from it and go from there. And you're going to. Every time you're going to expand yourself. No matter what choice you make. And so for me, that's what has really helped me, because I know I also I feel like failure was one of the things on my top list of like, oh, you can't fail, Brenda. Like, you have to do this, right. And if not, like, I don't know what I thought, but then it's like, what is failure exactly there? Because there's no mistakes, right? So when I read somewhere that there is no right or wrong, it's all just a learning experience that kind of like took the pressure off of me and is kind of what helped me with trusting myself a bit more. And you know, from there, as you trust yourself, like little by little, you end up trusting yourself more and more. Yeah, right. But trust is a big thing because you're right. We learn to outsource it. We learn to look outside of ourselves. Yeah. And I think now more than ever, I feel like I was victim to it. I, I felt I feel like, um, the last couple of weeks, like, I mean, obviously I haven't just been on social media the last couple of weeks, but I'm just saying it's just been more like being stuck on there. Mhm. And I'm realizing it like wait. Yeah. Like it's true. Like I feel like I'm like I automatically get my phone and just start scrolling mindlessly. Mhm. Um, and like I said like there's depending on the algorithm that you're in is the information that you're going to. Right. Start keep feeding yourself. But I think it goes with everything outwardly that you that we pay attention to, you know like. Yeah. Start paying attention to the things you're paying attention to because those things are going to tell you, like why your life is the way that it is. Yeah. And if you continue to pay attention to those things, then your life's going to continue to be the way that it is. Yeah. So keep attracting those people. Exactly. So yeah. And then so that's why I feel like we have to come back to ourselves at some point. Because again, like we know everything that we need to do. Like, I truly believe that if I do, like, if you could hear my voice, like, I truly believe that we have all of the answers. Yeah. For ourselves and for our life, our higher self is there guiding us. And I truly believe that we know exactly what we need to do in our lives. And the breadcrumbs have been left there for us to just follow. And what I mean by breadcrumbs is just those ideas and those thoughts that come to your mind and things that you want to be, that you want to do, and you start being passionate about. Like, those are the breadcrumbs. Yeah. Those are the breadcrumbs that have been left there for us. Those ideas, those things that come to us. They come to us in a time where we are able to execute. But because we have free will. We sometimes just choose not to listen. And because we have free will, we sometimes choose to just be comfort, be comfortable, be in our comfort zone. And I understand that in order for us to succeed and for us to accomplish the things that we want to accomplish in this lifetime and more and beyond, like we really need to step out of that. Mhm. Yeah. I'm glad you said that because I was literally just thinking of that, the breadcrumbs. And I was just telling somebody that this weekend when I was at that church community event thing. Yeah. Um, she was telling me how she was an eMDR therapist, and she burnt out and she stopped, and, uh, she asked me, like, how long did it take you to actually, like, jump into what you're doing now? And I told her almost two years because I didn't trust myself fully, and I was still in my head about it, and I was looking outside of I was looking at how other people were doing it, and I was like, oh, no, I'm not like them. Like I'm not going to do it. I don't fit in because I don't look or yeah, I don't sound like that. Exactly. Yeah. I ended up telling her instead of breadcrumbs, I said little shimmers, and I just realized the horse's name on The Last of Us is named shimmer. Yeah, but I call it Little Shimmers. And what I told her was exactly what you just said, because she's like, I want to get back to doing that. But she's like, then comes the whole thing of like, owning a practice and like, not having enough and then charging people for doing this, right. And I told her I was like, you just need to follow the little shimmers as they think of whatever brings you a little bit of joy or excitement in that moment. Follow that. Yeah. And then when you follow that one, you're going to get the next little shimmer, and then you're going to follow that one. I was like, and eventually all those little shimmers make one giant like ball of sparkle and dust and I'm like, and so you, you end up getting to where you're meant to be at, like, but follow the little shimmers and it's like, you know, like, I know my sister is launching her personal trainer thing and and it makes me so happy to see her pursuing her little shimmers, you know, like, oh, her little burst of excitement, like, follow that little burst of excitement because that's what's going to get you to where your soul wants you to be at. Like you said, your higher self is trying to guide you there. But because we have that free will, we choose whether or not we want to follow them. And I say, and we stay in our comfort zone. And yeah, we feel comfortable with what the life that we live in. And and then, you know, and that's it. And then the years go by and oh, I'm too old to do it or whatever excuse that we want to tell ourselves. And that's the free will that we have. Yeah, we have free will to make up these excuses. Yeah. So follow the little shimmers, guys, because there is no right or wrong. It's all an experience that our higher self wants us to experience. Yes, everything's already been laid out for you. And listen to yourself. Take a moment to disconnect, breathe and just tune back into your body. And then once you've done that and continue to do that, like you are going to feel your world just come back together. Mhm. Yeah. Bam. Once again guys thank you for listening. If you gain something or feel inclined to share this episode please do so. Go to our Instagram Deep Dive In podcast. That's dive in the I I n and connect with us there comment share post. We appreciate the support so much and we will catch you on the next one.