EP 45 | Its been a year since our plant medicine ceremony, sharing how it's changed our lives!

One year ago, we sat in ceremony… and our lives haven’t been the same since.

In this raw + reflective episode, we take you through what has shifted for us since our first plant medicine journey — and how it helped us come home to ourselves in ways we didn’t even know we needed.

Nancz shares how she now walks with more confidence, clarity, and truth. Her voice has gotten louder, her boundaries stronger, and the relationships in her life have been reflecting the deep inner shifts she’s made.

Brenda opens up about how plant medicine helped her finally feel the self-love she spent years searching for in religion — and how that love was never outside of her, it was always within.

We talk integration, transformation, and what it’s like to really see yourself after ceremony. Oh — and grab a tissue for the end, because Nancz closes with a heartfelt moment of honoring Brenda’s growth (cue the tears).

This is one of those episodes that hits you in the soul.

Plant medicine ceremony experience

How plant medicine changed my life

Psychedelic healing journey

Integration after ayahuasca/plant medicine

Conscious relationship growth

Self love after ceremony

Queer spiritual podcast

Lesbian couple spiritual journey

Year after psychedelic ceremony

Healing through plant medicine

Transcript

EP 45 | Its been a year since our plant medicine ceremony, sharing how it's changed our lives!

 Hey guys! Welcome to the Deep Dive In podcast with Nancy and Brenda and we are back, baby. Deep diving episode 103,000. We're actually I was looking at, like, our thing. Yeah. Um, and it showed like. I mean, obviously we're on episode, like, I don't know, 40 something. Yeah, but we started in July of last year. Yeah, I think. Right. Yeah. I know it's going to be a year anniversary soon. We're in anniversary. Weekend of anniversary. So, um, we wanted to dive into our one year anniversary from when we did our psilocybin ceremony. Yes. And which was kind of like the starting point of the what led us to even start this podcast. Yeah. Cuz it was. Yeah. Like, after the ceremony, we're like, oh, let's just do it and like, talk about the things and talk about, you know, our journey, our journey or whatever. And then that kind of like led us to, uh, start the podcast. And you're right. And here we are. Yeah. But we did so last year, made May 28th, I think it was of last year. We did a, um, psilocybin mushrooms, um, um, ceremony. And basically what that is, is you essentially go in and it's a, it's like, um, it's a guided ceremony. So there is people there that have experience with, you know, being on a trip like that, um, you know, to help you, if you will, for whatever reason, if you become in distress or you have a lot of emotions that come up. I know, uh, for you and I, there's a lot of emotions that came out where we're just, like, screaming and letting out all of this shit. Yeah. Um, and I know it sounds a little crazy because, I mean, I get it like, it's. It does sound a little crazy because it's out of the norm. It's out of the normal. And how what we know. Right. Like, I get tell my family sometimes, you know that that I did that and is like, what the fuck? And I get it because it's not something. It's still woo woo. And like. Yeah. Like woo. Yeah it's still taboo a little bit. Yeah. But it's basically, um. When for me when I sat, you know, in ceremony a year ago, it changed my perspective. Like in life, it completely changed myself, um, for the better, obviously, in realizing the things that I was doing to sabotage my life. Mhm. Like, I was subconsciously, without thinking, doing things and living a life that wasn't fulfilling because of all the trauma that I encountered. And doing this, this ceremony led me to understand those things. Wow. Can we talk about that, though? How you how you mentioned, like you were living a life that wasn't fulfilling, but while you were living that life, you thought it was fulfilling? Yeah. So can we talk about that a little? Yeah. Like how we got into it? Yeah. Of course, because, like, the what I, what I'm talking about is like. I mean, obviously, you know, I was working, you know, I had a job, I had a I been a loan officer is like, oh, you're successful because you make a lot of money. Whatever. Um, so it was like, okay, like I've done good, you know, I was, I worked I had credible jobs throughout my life, but for the most part, it was just like going to work and then getting drunk all the week, drink, getting drunk on the weekends and occasionally going on a trip and like, you know, having a little vacation and, like, so it's a regular, like, yeah, it's like a normal, regular life for me. It was always at that time, it was always just looking forward to the weekend and like, what are we going to do? Like what are we drinking today. Mhm. And it's all it was always about drinking. Yeah. Always about drinking for the most part. There was some times where I came back to myself during that life. Yeah I came back to myself and I would start hiking and I would start eating right. I start doing like juice cleanses and like I'll get into like those modes because I knew like it was too much. But then you fall right back into it because of the environment that you put yourself in. Yeah. So for me, I was living a life that I didn't have intention. I didn't have, like, like a purpose in it. And I know the word purpose is very like, uh, you know, um, to be taken differently. Yeah, but I didn't I didn't feel like I was living my life, or I felt like I was living my life without any intention. It was just like, oh, fuck it, you know, let's go do this shit or let's go do it. Like it was really a fucking mentality. Yeah. Like, oh, fucking let's go. Yeah. Or like whatever it was. Yeah. And sometimes it was very dangerous situations. Shit. You know, like a lot of times it was dangerous situations or hanging around with people that were like crazy, you know, that would pull out a gun in the middle of the party and like. You know. Yeah. I wasn't saying like, it wasn't chortles. It was like wannabe chortles. Yeah, but I was like, you know, with a lot of times. Um, but it was, it was like just being in those situations and even in my relationships, in my relationships that I had, like, there weren't with intention. It was just like, oh, I have a girlfriend, I'm in a relationship and whatever. Yeah. There wasn't I don't feel like it was fully it was fully me being authentic with myself. Mhm. I don't feel like I like there was no conversation, like there was no deep conversations in my life. Yeah. About life. And you know, like all of the things that we talk about now and like how we feel like how we feel about our childhood or our inner child and like the wounds that our inner child, um, still carries and like talking to your inner child to to tell your inner child that you that they're okay, that you're there now, you're you got them. Yeah. Like, all of these things are all like, woo woo shit, right? And so I was living in this life of like. Um, thinking that like, oh, cool. Like, I have, you know, a good job or whatever, have money and I'm good. Yeah, but it wasn't that it was a life of deception because I really didn't know who I was. Yeah, I was living in I feel like it was kind of like numbness, you know? Yeah. Or like, I get what you're saying. Yeah, I, I can't, like, I don't know how else to explain it. It was kind of like numbness, like living day by day without really thinking about, like. Like what? Like what? What am I here to do? Yeah. You know, what am I here? I sure, but that concept didn't even exist in my mind of, like, that question didn't even exist of, like, what am I here to do? You know, it was just like, oh, like, let's just go get fucked up. Yeah. Um, and so. Yeah, like it. I don't know if that explains it deeply. Um, because I feel it was a lot more than that. Mhm. You know, when I say, like when I did plant medicine. Um, when I did the ceremony with plant, with psilocybin, it completely changed it. Kind of like it woke me up. It shattered your reality. Yeah. Yeah. It woke me the fuck up. Yeah. Like. And not in a judgmental way. Like. Oh, what the fuck are you. Have you been doing with your life? It just showed me, like, when I was in my trip. It just showed me, and. And I and I talked about this, and we have an episode for, for. Yeah. We have an episode, episode four, where we talk about, like, how our journey was. Yeah. Um, but just to a brief, like for me, my little cousin that had passed away when I was 15, that I was really close to him. He came to me in my ceremony and I go more into detail on episode four. If you guys want to go back and check that out. Yeah. But he came to me and he was showing me all of the things that I was doing that were sabotaging my life. Like like that were dimming my light, essentially. Like just caring about staying drunk. Yeah. And at two in the morning, like. I don't know. I was a functional, maybe alcoholic, I don't know, but I would drink a lot. Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like I didn't even think about it. Like I at that time. Like I didn't even think about, like. Oh. Because I would always compare myself to a worser person. Oh, I have a job. Like I'm working like I'm good. Like I have my own place, I pay my own shit, I'm independent, blah blah blah. Like, I have a relationship. Like I'm good. Yeah. Like, there's. What are you like? I'm like, whatever. You know, I can drink as much as I want to because I'm good. Yeah. Yeah, I was anxious, I was depressed, I could say I was disconnected, disconnected for myself. I was disconnected from source, from God. From knowing that there's something bigger than myself here. That I'm here to help others, you know, in whatever way, being of service to others, like all of these things that now, now I feel bring in, bring comfort and peace and like life flow to me, you know? Yeah. Like it? It's crazy because it's because it was like a big shift for me for sure. Yeah. Personally. Yeah, it was a big shift for me to just, I think, um, how you how you, you know, you said something about how like in living the life that you were living, you thought it was fulfilling. You had you were in a relationship to be in a relationship. You had this, uh, profession that paid you a bunch of money for what you did. And but at the same time, you thought it was fulfilling, but it really wasn't because there were you there. You were numbing yourself through substances. And that's how I feel I was, except I was choosing to bypass all of those things or numb myself through religion. Um, and a lot of people tend to do that. They tend to turn to religion because they think religion is going to solve all their problems, but really it's a disconnection from themselves. It's a it's something that they're trying to run away from the problems in their life instead of actually facing them. And but at the time, I didn't realize that I was running away from my trauma, that I was running away from the things that had happened for me. And so I turned to religion, thinking that, oh, I think I need a relationship with God. And like, that's it. My life will be complete. Yeah, because my life was pretty good. And then I went to church and I was like, this is the missing piece. Like, this is what I need for it to be complete. And, you know, now I see that church was actually a very pivotal moment in my life to get me to where I am now. But. At the time, I was pursuing it for all the wrong reasons, which was trying to get away from all of the things that happened to me and seeking love outside of myself. Yeah, which a lot of people do. They go to church. They, they they do that to seek love outside of themselves because they don't know how to give love to themselves. Um, and ceremony really brought that up for me as far as learning how to give myself real love. And if you guys listen to episode four, I share about, um, how in my ceremony, what came up for me was a lot of generational pain that I was releasing on behalf of the women on my mom's side. And I actually recently talked to somebody during a session about how in that ceremony, I, uh, it was I released all of that, like pain and suffering. Right. And I was crying and and I remember in the ceremony, like seeing my dad and asking like, why weren't you there as the father that you're supposed to be? And why weren't you there protecting me? Being being my safe space? And like, I was asking him all these questions in the ceremony because I could see him. Right. And then I. And then I remember, like, being so angry and like, just being so sad at the same time because, like, as a father, we're told that our father is supposed to protect us, that they're supposed to keep us safe, and they're supposed to be like this almighty protector of us, right? But I remember laying there and was like, my dad. Dad, you weren't any of that for me. And then I remember, like, seeing my mom and I, and I saw my mom, and I was like, mom, why weren't you there nurturing me? Why weren't you giving me the love that I needed and the support that I needed when I needed you most? Right. And I was sharing this with somebody in a session because, um, I had, I had I with some of the things that have happened have been like molestation to me. Right. And that's why I was asking my parents that during the ceremony was because of those specific situations where I was molested and on my where were you as my parents? Right. And what the medicine brought to me was, okay, now see them as a little kid. And then I saw my dad and how he lost his mom at, like nine years old, and how he never had a dad and how he never knew how to receive love from his own mother. He didn't know how to be a father because a father was never present in his life. And it was like mind blowing me. And I was just like, oh, shit. Now I understand my parents, you know? Um, but at the same time, a lot of people are like, well, they did their best and all the things that they could do for us, but okay, yeah, they did their best. But it's not okay for you as the recipient of all of that or the non recipient because you didn't receive any. You still got hurt, you still got hurt. And and we have to process that. Yeah. Yeah. And that's what um sometimes we fail to do like. Yeah okay. They did their best but you're still hurt by it. Yeah. It's like not putting like, any fault to them. Yeah. Because you in your case, like you were able to see life from their perspective when they were little and not learning all the things they needed to learn for you. Right. And and it's not to fault them for it. Right. But it's also realizing that you still have that pain. Yes. You still have that pain of like. Not being cared for and wanting somebody to come and save you. Mhm. And they never did. Right. And that is what ceremony brought me was understanding that nobody's here to save us but ourselves. Yeah. And nobody else is here to love us like we love ourselves. And, um. And it brought so many other things to me. Right. But those were some of the main things that are standing out right now during this conversation, which once I did the ceremony completely, like, turned my life into a different life. Yeah. Yeah. And now I'm just this, like, loving, like. And it's crazy, though, because it takes time. Like, it's been a year since that ceremony that I feel shifted us. Yeah. Um. Completely. Mhm. But I feel like it's been ten years of work of like that. What happened is that all of these things came up for us in that ceremony. Right. And it made us change or not made us. But it it helped us. Helped us. Helped us wake up and essentially change our perception, perspective and how we approach life. And I feel because of that. Like this year that's happened. There's been so many different things that have come up outside of what happened in that ceremony. Yeah. And there's been so many things that have come up within ourselves, in our in our practices, like when we journal, when we meditate, and just really random reflections. Because I know for me, I'm like, sometimes I can't sleep because my head, my mind is freezing. And. Like this message just comes to me of like, I don't know. Like this message just comes to me of why I like, why I've been being, why I've been doing the things that I have been doing. Like, oh, it comes from this. Yeah, it comes from that out of nowhere. Yeah. But you see, I feel like that happens because we're open to those things. Yeah. And when we meditate, at least I like when I meditate, I do ask like source God spirit for their guidance. Like please let me see um anything that I'm missing. Mhm. Or things that I'm missing that I'm doing incorrect like that I could fix or you know, whatever the case. But in that one year that it's been like I feel like it has been ten years because I mean think about it like I'm 39 years old and this happened last year. But like prior to last year, you know, I've been living like all of those years have been things that have happened and like whatever. So it's like it makes sense why one year feels like ten years when you're like, literally. I feel it's like cleaning out all of the shit. Yeah. From inside of you. Yeah. Is how it feels like. Yes. Like it feels like I've just been deep cleaning myself for the last year. And I think that's why it's feels. It feels like longer. But what is time, right. Yeah. Like, I feel like it's been longer because like, I've been really, like going in deep and having these, like, realizations of like why I was a certain way or why my perspective was a certain way, why I saw things a certain way. And then once I get that message of like, why or where it comes from, then I really have to like, write it down, right? Or write it down and talk about it. Ask myself these questions like how? What is my belief? Like, do I really believe that I should live my life that way? Or do I believe? Like my. It's different. You know. Yeah. So it's really like starting to ask those yourself, those questions. And. It's it's been it's been crazy I feel. Yeah. It's it's like in a, in a very good way. Yeah. Because we're open to asking ourselves those questions and finding out the shadows that we carry and choosing to bring that shadow to the light and, like, not letting it just be a shadow for us anymore. Yeah. We're like, no, come here. Like we're gonna shine some light and some love on you, okay? And but and it just feels different. Yeah. Like my relationship, for example, with my family feels different. I feel like I don't I don't take what they like what happens or what doesn't happen. Like, it doesn't affect me as it used to. Yeah, but that's also because of all of the work that was that has been done. Yeah. Like all of the conversations I've had and the questions I've asked myself, like, why do I feel this way when my mom says this or, you know, whatever the case may be, I feel like that's the work that we did. And now I'm just like. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that is how it is. The more we do that work on ourselves, the more, um, the differently we see people around us and situations and. Whatever occurs, right? But so many people are scared to go there. Yeah. And it's one of the biggest things. It's one of the biggest things is like people are scared to go there and they're scared to feel the feelings. They're scared to bring up the shadows or how people will say, like, understand better, bring up the past like they they fear that. And the that is the biggest issue is because you fear it. It still rules you in your day to day life subconsciously. And that for me is like, that's I don't want that. I don't I want to live an intentional life. I want to know that I am living my life because I'm choosing to live it that way, not because the patterns inside my nervous system are subconsciously running my outside life. Yeah. And, um, and I and I want to be devoted to the life that I live and devoted to the people that I am of service to. Right. And it's just like, okay, well, if I if I want to keep living that life, then that means I need to keep doing the work for myself and unnecessarily like, oh, you're always healing, Brenda. Like you're always doing this. You know, it's gonna sound bad. Yeah, yeah. Like that's not what I mean. It's like. There are times where I'm like, fuck the healing. Yeah, like, let me go read a fantasy novel. Yeah. And like, let's go out and have a good time or let's go out and have a good time. Although sometimes that is still difficult for me. Yeah. Like, let's just have a good time, Brenda. Right. And thankfully, like, you know me and you're like, we're just gonna have a good time, babe. I'm like, okay. Yes we are. Um, I know when you're hesitant of having a good time. And I'm not saying I don't know how to have a good time either. No, but like it because it gets kind of crazy. Like, it gets like. I don't know how to explain it, but it does get, like a little, um, you start feeling like, oh, I don't want to do the worldly things of, like, going out to a bar or whatever. Like, I don't see any benefit. Yeah. For me. Yeah. You know, to do that. Right. Um, but let's just say it is somebody's birthday, somebody's birthday that you, you know, that you care for and stuff, and you want to be there for them. Then you're just like, well, I just, you know, like I'm going to be there for them. Yeah. What environment? Yeah. You know, so it gets kind of like gray line ish. I think for me, um, when it comes to like going out and having fun or whatever, I mean, you see, but at the same time, like, I don't have a problem with it. Yeah. Again, like, if I feel like I want to be there and it's something I want to do, then I'm going to do it. Yeah. Like it's not like, oh, I changed my life. Yeah, I don't drink anymore and I don't party and like all of this like, no. Yeah. Like I'm not going to be against it. Right? I'm going to still do whatever feels right to me. Yeah, that's the difference. I feel the difference is that I'm not like it's not a big deal. It's like, if it feels good to me that I'm going to do it, I don't be like, oh shit, I shouldn't have drank or oh shit, whatever. Yeah, I like it. Felt good to me. I was having a good time. It felt good to me. And I'm gonna do it. It's not a big deal, right? Um. But then you come back. But then at the same time, like it's I feel not staying in that, you know, it's not staying not staying in those um, uh, kind of habits. It becomes a habit of like, oh, let's go out every weekend kind of a thing. It's like not staying in that and understanding that sometimes it subconsciously you just do it. Yeah. Yeah. Like subconsciously you don't think about it and you're just like, yeah, let's go eat. And then one thing turns into another and you're at a bar. Yeah. You know, so like, you also have to it's it's actually having control. Like I like having control. Intentional control. Yeah. Um, because I didn't feel I didn't have that before. Yeah. That's one of the things that, like doing the ceremony helped me do that. And let's just say we hadn't done the ceremony. Mhm. You know, like, let's just if we hadn't done the ceremony, I feel like we probably would have progressed in our, in our healing. Mhm. But not as much. Not to this extent. No, no it just rapid. It just made it faster. Yeah. Certain things. Yeah. That's how I feel about it. That's true. Yeah. It just speed things up. Yeah. Mhm. How do you feel about like doing it again. I'm ready for another one. Oh really? Yeah. Damn I know you. I'm ready for. Come on. Spirit. That spirit. Yeah. I'm ready because I think, um, I'm in a different state. Yeah. As a person and as a soul. And, um. And I have. And yeah, I just think it's obviously because I'm in a different state of who I am now. I was hearing you speak. I was thinking about I'm like, damn, I feel like the wisdom that I have belongs to like an older person. Mhm. And I'm like, wow, I have the wisdom of an older person. That's what you were thinking when I was talking. That's crazy. And that's one of the things you said. Not the whole time I was the older person. You know that. But going back to what you were saying, that's something that I learned recently, was like being okay with whatever it is you choose to do. Right. Right. And, um, mainly because I, I used to be very hard on myself with things that I would do or things that I wouldn't do. And so I would always, like, beat myself up for whether it came out wrong or like, um, it didn't come out the right way or whatever. Like those types of things. I think you would say no, just like things I would do. Like, I know I could have done that better, you know, or like. Yeah, just so I, I, I was very hard on myself. And sometimes that still tries to creep up and I and sometimes it's like trying to revert me back to that. Right. But, um, something I learned from, uh, somebody that I listened to is he's like, you have to be okay with whatever it is you choose to do. If in that moment, like it makes you feel good and it makes you feel okay with doing it, then don't beat yourself up afterward after the fact. Because let's just say, for example, you didn't do the bed. You say if you woke up and you decided, like doing the bed is not something you wanted to do that morning, like, don't come in later in the afternoon and then be like, oh my God, I should have done the bed. Yeah, right. And then he's like, you need to be okay with the fact that, like, you do certain things, like if you get up in the morning and check your phone right away and he's like, it felt good to you then. Okay. He's like, but don't beat yourself up for checking your phone. And I was like, okay. Like I'm getting this concept more and more. I'm understanding it. Yeah, yeah. Um, you know, sometimes some things it takes me longer to understand and to fully like, grasp. Yeah. And I think it's just because I don't know, like, it's just it just takes me a while sometimes. But once I get it, I get it, you know, and so like, but we, we had a lot to ourselves. We do that like we, we judge ourselves constantly because we didn't do something that we knew that we should have. And like, we didn't do it. Yeah. Like this. That last two days that we didn't go to the gym. Uhhuh. It was it was already like a habit that was being built. Right. And it is, you know, still being built. Um, but I did feel a certain way. Yeah. And I remember, like, um, I realized that I was, like, kind of feeling judged, like I was judging myself, like, what the fuck? Like you didn't go make time to do it. Um, and talking negative to myself. Um, but I was aware of that. I was doing that. Yeah. And, you know, right away, like, I was like. Like, shut up, Nancy. Like it's okay. Yeah. You know, like, you're gonna just go tomorrow and then continue on. Yeah. It's like, but you see, like, we, we do like we, we put ourselves down so much and and you're like, you don't be. You're not aware of it. Like, we just live that way. And and it causes you to just be down on yourself. Yeah. Like it causes you not to be happy and joyful and enjoying life because you're always just putting yourself down like, oh, I didn't fucking do this, or I didn't do that, or I said I was going to do this and I didn't do it right. Like you, you live in that way. And I remember living in that way. Of always like judging myself of like everything that I didn't do or. Things that I missed or whatever the case may be. And, you know, I think that's one of the whole doing the work thing is like understanding where that comes from. But the main thing is like being aware of it when it's happening. I know for me, like once I become aware of it, like, oh shit, I'm judging myself right then. Every time it's happening, I'm aware of it. So I could switch the behavior. So I'm just like, why am I talking shit to myself right now? Yeah. And then I'm like, Nancy, shut up. You're doing fine. You're doing amazing. You're an amazing person. You're doing fine, and you're going to continue to be the light and be the person that you want to be and create your life like, you know, like switching that judgment, the judgment thoughts to that powerful, uplifting, um, motivating. You know, thoughts are the little steps that we could take to switch our life. Yeah, yeah. Because how you're saying I really want to point out, like in how you're saying where you're aware. Yeah. And um, in that awareness and then you say you decide to like, switch it, right? Yeah. Like there's one thing to be aware. You could be aware that you're beating yourself up and that you're being hard on yourself and that whatever you're doing, right? But then it's like, what are you doing? What is the act that you are doing to stop that, or to rewire that in your body and in your nervous system and in your thought patterns. Right. And I think that was really great. Like how you said that. Like you're like, yeah. And I switch it. Right. Because yeah, you could be aware, but if you don't do anything about it and there's no point in you being aware. Exactly. And I think the being aware is the step one. Yeah. Switching those thoughts to a more powerful and positive thoughts, essentially, um, is what starts changing your programming. Like you start reprogramming yourself to to a better understanding and a better being in life because they say, you know, like we spend the most time with ourselves. Yeah. In this lifetime. Yeah. So imagine you judging yourself every fucking day and every minute of every day for anything that you did or did not do. Right. It's like you're living a fucking like a a a miserable fucking life. You really are. And people say like you could say like, oh, you know, I'm good or whatever. Um. I'm happy. Yeah. Like I'm happy or whatever. But then five minutes later or. You or like the next minute you're like, fuck, I shouldn't have said I'm happy. I should have said, like, the truth or whatever. And that's you judging yourself and fucking talking shit to yourself for it. But I think that's one of the biggest, like one of the things that came out of the the ceremony is I think that like in the knowing how I was living my life, I understood that that's not what I wanted. I understood that that's not what I'm here for. Mhm. And in knowing that you start being aware of the things you want to change in your life, you start being aware of who you want to become. Yeah. And I think that we are here in my opinion, we're here living this life experience to become we become what we want to become. But you're not going to be able to become what you want to become and in alignment with who you are until you wake up, until you get out of living in survival mode and living in, um, what other people think of you or or caring about what other people think of you or, you know, all of this, all of the programming shit. Yeah. The minute you're able to wake up from that, then you'll start becoming. The person you've always wanted to become? Yeah, and that's what life's about. Yeah. In my opinion, like, life is about becoming the person that you envision yourself being. But you can envision yourself being like. But I mean, honestly, even in the times that, like, I was living a life of numbness and, and stuff like in that time I still had like goals and desires and I still had like, I still had those things. Yeah, I still did a vision board with all of the things that you wanted. At that time, though, it was just material that I wanted. Uh, but without any intention, you know, like, oh, I want to fuck this, I want that, I want a little French bulldog like Frenchie. I want a little Frenchie. Like you would put all of these things in your vision board, and then you would just continue doing the same things over and over. Mhm. Nothing would change. Nothing would change. It's like like that's just going to be a picture on the wall. Right. It's nothing going to become that. It doesn't become real because you're not changing anything. Yeah. When you start changing how you view things and how you are with yourself, then you start changing your life. Mhm. You literally start changing your life. Yeah. And what does that look like? Like what does he. What do you mean start changing your life. You just start seeing things differently when it comes to like what's important I feel. And what's important to you. Yeah. Like, to me, for example, before it always used to be about, like, money and like, having a nice car or having a nice house or just traveling and, like, luxury shit, right? Don't get me wrong, I still like that shit. Yeah. Um, but it's not about that anymore. What is it about now? For me, it's about being of service to people. For me, it's like in doing the things that I. And that I enjoy and that bring me fulfillment is that all of those things will come. Yeah. And I'm going to enjoy it even more because I received it doing the things that I want to be doing. Yeah. Whether it be this podcast, you know, whether it be like the YouTube channels that we had, like doing those things are, um, joyful to me. Mhm. So in doing those things, you not only help people understand or maybe show a different perspective of life. Um. But you're also just following your dreams. You're also just following, like the higher self that you want to become. And all of the things that luxury things, the things that you want to experience in life, you start attracting them because you are living from authenticity and you are living from joy and flow and receptivity, like you're just flowing with life and you're no longer causing resistance to all of the things that are out there for you. I truly believe that everyone. Everyone in this planet, everyone has the ability to create the life that they want. Mhm. And I know we hear that all the time. Yeah. Like it's kind of like a commercial right. Like Nike. Just do it. Yeah. And and we stop we because it's so common and you hear it. You stop really like embodying embodying it. Yeah. You stop like, you know, really like thinking about. Oh, I can't create or believing it because it's like such a slogan, right? But it's like, no, bro. Like, you could create your own life. You literally can't. And you just need to be truthful with yourself. What do you want? Or even look at the things that you don't like in your life right now. And that's going to give you an indication of what you don't want. Yeah. Yeah. So many people ignore it. Yeah. Yeah. Like, if you are having. If you're in a relationship right now and that relationship is causing you turmoil and it's causing you to be stressed and it's causing you to abandon yourself and your morals and your integrity and your love. Mhm. Like you need to look at that relationship and really think about like is that something that I want. Right. Because if it's causing you to feel all of those ways why would you want that. Yeah. Why do you want that for yourself. Yeah. But then if somebody is in a relationship that we're in like that and they continue to be in that relationship, they're only continuing to be in that relationship because they care about what other people think about them. Yeah. 100%. Because if they didn't care, then they would know that they don't want that. Yeah. And they didn't. They wouldn't care about what other people like said or think or whatever. And they would follow their intuition. Mhm. And you have to understand that by following your intuition, by following. Knowing that you don't want something. That's how you create your life. Yeah. You have to listen to those things. Yeah. A lot of people would would rather continue. What's the word I'm looking for? Ah, there's this word like right there. It doesn't come out. Ah, it'll come to you, but it'll come. Yeah. So, like, what I'm trying to say is that so many people are focused on like, well, how others will perceive them if they decide like that. They don't want to be in that relationship, but they'll continue abandoning themselves. Yeah. And because they would, they would rather people please the opinions of others. And, and unfortunately, that stops us all the time. Yeah. Like that's the main thing that stops us from creating our own life is caring about what other people think about ourselves. Yeah. And I think ceremony for me to what it did for me was that it was allowing me to to truly come home to myself and to really just say whatever it is that needs to be said, regardless of what it will cause out, like outwardly, you know, um, like just say the things, whether it's between you and I and our relationship or whether it's like with other people because I think for so long I actually I would be the one to just stay quiet, to just keep the peace and to not and just I just wouldn't say things, you know, but that's not that is. That, in a sense, is you abandoning yourself. In a sense, you're ignoring yourself and dishonor. You don't want yourself by not saying anything just because you don't want to cause chaos or like issues with people. Right? And I'm grateful for that because it really like, did kind of dismantle that for me, like little by little. And I'm now I'm just like, okay. Yeah. And that's actually one of the things that I did for me as well. Yeah, I, I agree with you completely. Like it allowed me to be okay with taking up space in this world. You see, I was raised in an environment or with parents and family members. There would be like, no nada, no hagas not like, no, like, don't cause any chaos or don't say anything, you know, like just stay quiet. Even if we went to a restaurant. Yeah. Like, you know this because I this was the thing. Like, this is the thing. If I had the wrong food or if I got a hair, my food or whatever, like I wouldn't send it back. Yeah. Because I didn't want to disrupt anything. Yeah. Like I basically was raised to believe that the smaller and like, invisible you make yourself to be. Is better. Yeah. And that is not the case, guys. That is not the case. So that one of the things is ceremony, just like you mentioned. Like one of the things that it that it helped me with realizing too is like you, you deserve some space to take up space. Yeah. Yeah. You deserve to take up space. You deserve to say whatever you want to say. And that's it. Yeah. Like you deserve it. So you don't have. You don't need anybody's permission. You don't have to get anybody's permission if you're doing things with the right intention. And from your heart, from love, from a place of, you know, just wanting to share. Mhm. The positive, the joyous and all of the love. And I'm going to just repeat the same beautiful words. Right. Like if you like, if you create your life in that manner from those places like take up the fucking space. Yeah. You don't have to get permission from anybody if you want to fucking open up your business and sell fucking pallets de presa. I don't give a fuck whatever you want to do. Like do it. Do it. Who gives a fuck? Yeah, that's the biggest thing. Like, we don't get a lot of things that we care like. I heard this, I watched this movie yesterday and they said the guy in it said, we don't get a lot of things to really care about in this lifetime. Yeah. So when you do have something that you really care about, fucking go all in. Mhm. Wow. Yeah that's that's a good one. And we tend to be like ah but you know what if this what if that and whatev whatever. If you really care about it like fucking go all in. You do whatever. Yes. Because some people live their lives without having any of that. Yeah. Like some people don't have something that they really care about. But if you do have something that you really care about, go all the fuck in. The question that came to me was, so how how much do you really care about yourself? Mhm. Go all in on you. Yeah. Yeah. Boom! That's. That was. That's it, that's it. Before we ended, though. Yeah. I do want to take a little moment. If you guys made it this far. I do want to honor you for. Wow. I didn't think I was going to get emotional for. I feel you different in the person that you've become. And I feel it's been maybe the last three weeks that I felt this shift in you. Were you were you stopped getting in your way of your light and the and what you want to share with the world. And it's so beautiful to see and it's so beautiful to, like, be like, be able to witness it. So I really wanted to honor you for that because I know the work that you do. I see the work. I'm a witness to the work that you put into yourself, to be in the highs of places, to allow to hold space for other people that are starting in or are in their healing journey. Um, and it like people don't see that. Mhm. People don't see behind the scenes things and people are just like oh Brenda just does sound healing or whatever, right? But people don't see the work that you put in and the shit that you work on yourself to be able to hold the most beautiful space for another human to feel safe, to let out their emotions and start and or continue on their healing path. So I think it's very beautiful. And I just wanted to give you a shout out because I could feel it and I see it and, um, and it's amazing love. I'm sorry. Me too. I'm crying a lot. Well, uh, that was I appreciate that. And I happily receive it and. Yeah, yeah. Bye. Once again, guys, thank you for listening. If you gain something or feel inclined to share this episode, please do so. Go to our Instagram Deep Dive In podcast. That's dive in the I v I n and connect with us there. Comment share. Post. We appreciate the support so much and we will catch you on the next one.